<p>I really enjoy reading the posts from parents on CC and find the diversity of ideas, advice and concerns interesting. One thing I have been struck with is the wide diversity of how parents view college as a means to an end...</p>
<p>For instance, many mention that they steer kids towards colleges that will give them the best shot to make a lot of money when they graduate. Some are more focused on graduate school, or a prestigious career.</p>
<p>The reason it struck me as interesting is because I don't care at all what my kids choose to do when they graduate--career, graduate school, peace corps (as long as it's ethical and legal) nor do I care what they major in, which school they choose or anything else.</p>
<p>They are terrific kids. I am sure they will make good choices and I hope they are happy.</p>
<p>In fact, it never occurred to me to care. I have always figured it's their life, their career, their choice. Of course I have opinions--but my kids take them for what they are...my personal opinion. It hasn't seemed to affect my oldest much! </p>
<p>I always saw my role as supporter, encourager, devils advocate, idea-bouncer-offer...we certainly talk, argue, debate, dream and plan together but the decisions are completely theirs to make. </p>
<p>I don't necessarily think this is the way to be. Maybe it's TOO hands off.</p>
<p>I am interested in hearing how you feel about your role in college and career decision making and what is important to you and why.</p>
<p>I want my kids to go to college to get some more education as they get a bit more mature. It would not be a problem to me if I had a kid who had something else he would rather do learn or rather than go to a college. In a sense, my kids have been that way. They really were pretty much done with academia by the time they finished high school, but no where ready to enter the "real" world. Too restless to stay at home, not yet self sufficient either. College is a place to go to grow up a little bit and learn something too.</p>
<p>I wanted my kids to go to college to get the educational opportunities that I was not afforded.
In this day and age an undergrad degree is like the high school diploma of our generation.</p>
<p>My kids wanted to go to college. I agreed with this...it's a great time to become independent in a somewhat sheltered kind of environment. In addition, both of my kids chose colleges that were very different from where they grew up...both chose urban schools (we live in the boonies) and one actually went to a completely different geographic area. In addition, both chose majors that helped them grow as people...learning new ideas, new perspectives.</p>
<p>I want my kids to go to college because I want them to do better than my husband and I have, to have security and dignity. So their children can be proud of them someday. So they can know things we can only dream about.</p>
<p>This isn't necessarily what I believe, but I heard something once at a lecture that has stuck with me. The lower middle class wants their children to go to college to get a better job. The upper middle class wants their children to go to college to get a great education. The rich want their children to go to college to make connections that will serve them later in life.</p>
<p>Our expectations is that they will go off, try their best, get out in 4 years, and have the option to support themselves at that time. It's all about working hard to create options and choices. If they create options, they will have earned their self-esteem, and ultimately have chosen their lives. They hopefully will never blame the others for their woes. I think that if they realize that they are going to school for themselves, and not for us, then that is a great start.</p>
<p>As my younger kiddo said, she never realized that college is not mandatory because pretty much everyone she met in her young life graduated from college & she thought the big choice is whether to stay in her hometown for college or "go away." We have supported their choice to attend college, which we hope they will graduate from within 4 years.</p>
<p>NYT OP-Ed by David Brooks. What Life Asks of Us</p>
<p>While I am still thinking about the entirety of his piece, the beginning came instantly to mind when I read the original question.</p>
<p>
[quote]
A few years ago, a faculty committee at Harvard produced a report on the purpose of education. “The aim of a liberal education” the report declared, “is to unsettle presumptions, to defamiliarize the familiar, to reveal what is going on beneath and behind appearances, to disorient young people and to help them to find ways to reorient themselves.”</p>
<p>The report implied an entire way of living. Individuals should learn to think for themselves. They should be skeptical of pre-existing arrangements. They should break free from the way they were raised, examine life from the outside and discover their own values.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>While it continues with the idea of individualism and then to institutionalism, I found this first part resonated with me as to why I believe so strongly in a liberal arts education. It has nothing to do with your major or your future profession but has everything to do with charting your own course.</p>
<p>We live in a rural area. My reaon for wanting my kids to attend college is to help them grow up and get out of here. I'd of course love for them to be close enough to easily visit when they settle down but this community tends to hold on to its children and when that happens they grow up with a skewed and narrow world view.</p>
<p>Can't deny that along the way I hope they find careers that fulfill and allow them to live comfortably. And somewhere on that path, finding love would be great too; but my goal for them is a goal..FOR THEM to clearly define and follow. My job is and always has been to help them find & the keep their options open. Theirs is to take it from here.</p>
<p>Why do you send your kids to elementary school?
Why do you send them to high school?</p>
<p>College is just a continuation of the education process. I come from an Asian background, and kids are just expected to go to college. Just like they go to elementary school and high school. No questions. They just do.</p>
<p>Education gives them the best opportunity to be successful at whatever they want to do. You give your kids the best tools you can. Then it is up to them to make the best of it.</p>
<p>We want our children to go to college because there's so much more to learn. Our college educations helped my H and me move up from our working class upbringing. It was our parents' wish for us.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Our expectations is that they will go off, try their best, get out in 4 years, and have the option to support themselves at that time. It's all about working hard to create options and choices. If they create options, they will have earned their self-esteem, and ultimately have chosen their lives. They hopefully will never blame the others for their woes. I think that if they realize that they are going to school for themselves, and not for us, then that is a great start.
[/quote]
^^^desilu</p>
<p>You articulated my feelings on this perfectly!</p>
<p>great question!! I have two extremely different kids going at the same time:) Both were clearly on one path all thru high school. My son is a VP major at oberlin, graduating in May:) My daughter is a Bio/Geo major at Colgate U. Both of my kids are persuing their dreams...they are commited and involved. They seem very happy. I have one more son at home who is disabled, and faces a completely different life course. I am thrilled and proud for my other two. There is no guilt about my son who's home with me..I accept him as he is:)..Thats not to say there wasn't sadness over the years wondering..???what would he have been like if I didnt eat pickles?,and on and on..insert ur own question My son is who he was meant to be...I am proud of all three kids. Today is their birthday:) 22 yrs old.....if they are reading this site they will NOT be happy, lol..but oh well..I'm still mommy:)</p>
<p>soooo sorry, i am notorious for getting off track..lol</p>
<p>College is getting to be a near-universal experience in the United States. Except for kids who have compelling reasons not to go, it's the logical next step after high school. My kids didn't have compelling reasons not to go, so it's what they expected to do, and I shared that expectation.</p>
<p>While in high school, my son was startled by a question on some form that asked "Why do you want to go to college?" His answer was "because it's what people do after high school."</p>
<p>Although college may be the standard experience for people aged 18 to 22, they don't all have to do it the same way. I do not think that it's necessary to go to the highest-ranked college you can possibly get into (in fact, both of my kids' first choice colleges were more "matches" than "reaches"), or that it's necessary to "go away" to college (although both of my kids did). I also don't have a strong preference for liberal arts majors over professional majors, or vice versa (both of my kids chose majors that are sort of at the middle of the liberal arts versus professional spectrum -- computer science for one, economics for the other). And I don't see anything wrong with starting at a community college (although it's not what either of my kids wanted).</p>
<p>It's at the point when kids leave college that the real decision-making begins, in my opinion. This is the point at which young people's life paths truly diverge. In my family, as it happens, my less academic offspring chose graduate school (and is now quite happy there), while my more academic offspring seems to be making plans that do not include graduate school -- at least not right away. That's OK. They have to make the choices that they feel are best for them, and thanks to the trends toward more internships and more undergraduate research, I think they are making well-informed choices. </p>
<p>As with lilmom, college helped me move up from the working class, but that's not a factor for my kids (or, I suspect, hers). I was the first person in my family to go to college. My kids live in a setting where going to college is the norm.</p>
<p>I hope college will help my D explore many possibilities, challenge her mind, and find a career direction--a life direction--about which she's passionate. (I'm a big believer in "Do what you love and the money will follow.") I also hope it'll help her feel independent and capable, ready to launch into the world as an adult.</p>
<p>I want her to get a good education, do something she loves, and get launched on a happy adult life. It's not about how lucrative the career is, just that she's fulfilled doing it.</p>
<p>I grew up in a home where we were expected to go to (and finish)college. My Mom never had the money and my Dad didn't take advantage of the opportunity he had ( and regretted it). My siblings and I all received great educations (all started at community college) and were able to leave our small town and follow our dreams. My children are both strong students with an interest and passion for learning ( although in different areas!). College will give them a chance to continue their interests and hopefully explore others. In addition to this, the reality is that it is very difficult to find a well paying job (not a fortune, but enough to support oneself and family) without an education. If either of my kids were interested in pursuing a trade which did not require college, I would certainly encourage that.</p>