Parents: PLEASE give me your thoughts and opinions!

Paying for College
1

<p>Please don't consider me spoiled or undeserving. I just really want to know what others think about this, especially parents.</p>

<p>For the past two years, I have attended community college. My GPA is currently a 3.75 cumulatively, and that is even after taking 41 credits within one year of community college. I am completely motivated when it comes to my education, and strive heavily for success. </p>

<p>As a result, I got into some pretty decent colleges. Syracuse University's Whitman School of Management, Rutgers University - Newark School of Business, SUNY Geneseo, SUNY Binghamton's Harpur College, and SUNY Albany's School of Business. I intend to pursue a degree in accounting, and the goal is to pass the CPA exam.</p>

<p>My parent's make decent money; just over $100,000 a year. I have decided against Syracuse and Rutgers because the tuition and fees are too much of a burden for my family and I. I had set my heart on SUNY Geneseo because Binghamton's School of Management denied me; they wanted me to work my way into the School of Management. Lately, I have reconsider Geneseo as well. SUNY Geneseo costs approximately $23,000 a year, to which my parents are offering to assist me with $5,000 each year. I had lost credit because Geneseo did not take all of my credits from my community college, and it would take at least 2.5 years to complete my undergrad. When all is said and done, I would have $40,000+ in loans. I intend on pursuing my master's degree after my undergrad, but I would also need to find work in order to start paying back my loans. </p>

<p>I feel like I would be a wreck in graduate school if I were to be a full time student while working full time as well. Since graduate school will determine my eligibility for sitting for the CPA exam, I really want to do well. I feel that having that amount of debt coming out of my undergrad and the responsibility of paying off the loans, I would ultimately fail graduate school. </p>

<p>So here is my question...</p>

<p>Should my parents contribute more to my education? They saved $10,000 for my college education since I was young, but that is practically depleted after community college and having to use it towards other expenses. After considering the debt I'd face just after my undergrad (to which I believe the avg debt is $25,000,) I thought it would be best to commute to SUNY Albany since I live in Albany and save money from not having to pay room and board. But I feel like I am giving up a dream of mine; I've always wanted to go away. Syracuse was my dream school, but it was just too expensive even after scholarships and grants. SUNY Geneseo was next in line, but even that seems to be out of the question. My parent's are very tight with their money, but I have seen them spend thousands without blinking an eye on unnecessary things. They just bought an expensive home that needed even more money put towards it for repairs.</p>

<p>I know that it is their money, and I do not question their spending because that is completely not my business. But as their child, I just sort of feel like my education should be a priority of theirs; of course not a top one. I feel like they could contribute just a little more than $5,000 a year... But is that asking too much?</p>

<p>The EFC on the FAFSA claims that they can pay my entire education expenses (of course not for Syracuse, for Geneseo.) I would NEVER ask them to even come close to doing so, but should they maybe pay just a little more than $5,000? Please don't call me a spoiled brat:( I just want opinions.</p>

<p>Sorry for the huge message</p>

2

<p>If your parents have set a budget for you of $5000, then it is your parents who would determine if they can/will contribute additional money. That is their family decision. You are fortunate that you have a SUNY option within commuting distance. That $5000 parent contribution plus your $6500 direct Loan and a jib, will cover your tuition and fees.</p>

3

<p>My parents’ combined earnings are not even half of what your parents make and I have a brother too. I’m going to USC where costs are around $65,000 a year without aid. Between the income and my grades, I was given 2/3 of that cost in gift aid from just grants. My parents have an EFC of just short of $4,000. Of my $2,500 floating around in my bank account that is not scholarship money, my parents are allowing me to take $2,000 for gas, extra food, and fun for the upcoming school year. It is my job to make it last. Additionally, I took the initiative and applied for MANY scholarships and my total currently stands at a little over $33,000 combined (some scholarships are paid over the course of 4 years). At this point, I can practically pay for my first year, which starts this fall. If my aid package is similar in following years, I will have some of it paid, but more I will have to come up with. You have a great income I can only wish we had, so the $1,000 difference from $4k to $5k seems non-proportionate. Based on income and grades, I would say that asking your parents for $8k a year would be a fair number IF you took the initiative by applying for scholarships and IF your parents are thrifty like mine.</p>

4

<p>Are you a parent, thumper? Or perhaps have already gone through college?</p>

<p>The reason I ask is because if so, maybe you can tell me if this picturesque notion of the “college experience” is just not worth it. I know this sounds so ridiculous of me. I guess I just feel like going away would somehow build me up to be the person I strive to be, and staying home would be too much like high school and I can’t blossom into a better person.</p>

<p>Have you commuted maybe? I want to be heavily involved with my campus, but feel like commuting would deter me from doing so.</p>

<p>I guess I am just afraid that if I commute, I’ll be missing out on something wonderful</p>

5

<p>Whether they SHOULD contribute more is irrelevant. If they’re not going to, they’re not, and it limits your options. </p>

<p>I lived at home and commuted for a year of college, and then I transferred to a school a couple hours away and lived on campus. I’ll be honest, I preferred living on campus. But I don’t think it would have been worth going $40,000 in debt for. However, I do think it’s possible to be heavily involved with your school even if you’re commuting - you’ll just have to make more of an effort than the kids who are living right there. I had friends from HS who went to my first college and they made friends who lived in the dorms and got very involved in campus life, both in organizations and socially. I didn’t because I was working 40 hours a week and didn’t have time (my parents didn’t contribute at all to my college expenses). You’ll get out of the experience what you put into it, so if you end up at SUNY Albany, don’t let commuting prevent you from being involved and engaged.</p>

6

<p>Thanks for the response beth’s mom!</p>

<p>Honestly, SUNY Albany is such a huge school with tons of opportunities. I know people who already attend, and its business school is better than Geneseo’s (in my opinion.)</p>

<p>I guess I am just being foolish. I here how amazing going away to school is and I felt that if I worked hard at my community college, I’d get to share in that excitement too one day. My problem was just letting go of that opportunity and having regrets later, but I am feeling more confident in my decision to stay.</p>

<p>My parents are not overbearing, so living with them wouldn’t mean me being treated like I was ten still. With their contribution of $5,000, I would be practically debt free and with the way my credits transfer to Albany, I’d only have 2 years left. I think SUNY Albany will be a good decision:)</p>

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<p>I hear**</p>

8

<p>Be thankful your parents’ new home is located close enough to SUNY Albany so that you CAN commute. Providing you with free room and board and graduating debt free is more of a gift or “dream” than going to sleep away school.</p>

<p>And yes some of my children commuted, some attended the local community college, some went far,far away. But the burden of the expense was on them. They applied for and worked for every scholie they received, applied to ROTC, service academies, spent years practicing a sport to get them recruited…the 'dream" to go away to school fell squarely upon their shoulders.</p>

<p>The commute daughter and son made to our local 4 year was an hour and 15 minutes each way. So 2.5 hours commuting EVERY DAY. Not fun in a 15 year-old over-heating car with no AC in 105 degree heat. No public transportation in our very rural area. And the car is shared by the whole family (6 of us) so when the car was gone for the day, it was gone for the day for the rest of us. If we needed to be somewhere we were dropped off and picked up when they left for class and when the day was over. Made for long days for ALL of us.</p>

<p>They all managed to graduate college with little to no debt. And now that undergrad is over and grad school and working is here they are very grateful for their degrees and no debt.</p>

<p>I think if $5000 is what they can contribute, AND a place to stay its time to say…THANK YOU.</p>

<p>Really.</p>

<p>Kat</p>

9

<p>To be honest, they bought the house so that we lived in Albany so that my brother could have an Albany residence which is required by the fire department here if someone wants to join. I thought that if they were willing to buy a house so that he could join the fire department, they could offer a little more than $5,000 for my education. Not to mention my mom is constantly saying how she will be depending on me once she is retired and elderly. But hey, you’re right. I should be thankful for their contribution.</p>

10

<p>Also, HE picked out this house. It has an in law apartment that only HE is allowed to live in. Maybe this will shed some light on why I feel like my parents should help me out some more, considering they’ll go off an buy a $275,000 house of his choosing so that he could join Albany’s fire department.</p>

11

<p>Are you currently working? If so, how many hours a week? </p>

<p>Are you paying your parents rent or paying for utilities, groceries, supplies?</p>

<p>Health insurance, who is covering that expense?</p>

<p>Your cell phone plan, your vehicle, auto insurance?</p>

<p>Clothing?</p>

<p>Your questions was what other “parents” opinions were regarding your parents’ responsibility for paying for college…it is not just tuition but everything else.</p>

<p>How is the breakdown of expenses currently?</p>

<p>Your question wasn’t about your brother, it was about you.</p>

<p>Who paid for the 2 years at the community college and your living expenses for those two years? Did you work during that time? </p>

<p>My kiddos were expected to work during the school year and summers or generate a stipend or scholie’s to cover their expenses. And they did. No other options for them, can’t get money out of a rock, just wasn’t there.</p>

<p>Again, my opinion which you asked for, you don’t sound grateful or appreciative.</p>

<p>Kat</p>

12

<p>I am a parent, I went to college, and my kids went to college. </p>

<p>I’m not sure why you asked. </p>

<p>Your parents are first in line to pay for college. That will be the case at every college when it comes to need based aid. As you noted, with a $100,000 income or so, their family contribution is in excess of the costs of attending the SUNY schools as an instate student. </p>

<p>Like I said, you are VERY fortunate that you have SUNY Albany as an option…and can commute. This saves you the costs of room and board. </p>

<p>Other people have given you the same advice. I’m not sure why you chose to single me out!</p>

13

<p>

Thanks to union (strangleholds), don’t firemen have fabulous bennies and pensions in NYS? Why shouldn’t HE be the one to take care of your mother when she’s old?</p>

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<p>I work 35 hrs a week. I pay for everything that I need and want, not my brother. While he is walking around with his iPhone 5, I have to pay for a track phone. This summer is the first time that I have been living with them since I’ve graduated high school, which was 3 years ago. I have paid for every single expense since living on my own. I paid entirely for community college. Sure, I used the $10,000 they saved for me when I was young to do so, but they just gave my brother $10,000 even though it was meant for college and he never attended (not saying anything against him.) My parents have not paid zip for anything since I have graduated high school except for food. They do not ask me for rent because they do not charge my brother rent but he gets to live in the in law apartment with his own privacy and everything. And yes, he eats my parents’ food still. </p>

<p>thumper, I asked because you were the first to respond. I wanted the opinion of someone who went to school to know if going away was really all that wonderful.</p>

<p>I can see this is just turning to be people thinking I’m selfish when in fact, I’m not. My parents definitely favor my brother, yet have these high expectations of me in college and constantly tell me how rich I’ll be one day and that if I put them in a nursing home, they will never forgive me. The pressure they put on me makes me want to rip my hair out.</p>

<p>I love college so much. But it just makes me dislike it somewhat when there’s so much pressure from my parents’ end. I’ll admit, maybe I feel like they owe me something. They treat my brother like royalty while I’m the one who needs to be the amazing college student. That’s the only reason they want anything to do with me is because they think I am going to do well in the future.</p>

<p>If you understood our relationship in the past, you would get what I mean.</p>

15

<p>Kat,</p>

<p>If you were in the position of my parents - buying a house so one child could benefit from it, allowing them to live in the in law apartment rent free, catering to this freaking kid’s every need - wouldn’t you want to give something to your other child?</p>

<p>I am not disregarding their contribution to my education of $5,000. In fact, that is not even a definite. Maybe it’s because they’re spending too much on my brother, the freaking godsend.</p>

<p>Call me spoiled or undeserving, but with all this pressure on me from my parents, I feel like they could chip in a little more. But that’s okay, it would take away from their luxurious family vacations that I AM NOT EVER A PART OF. </p>

16

<p>@SUNYJMM‌ I know you feel slighted by the favoritism you perceive for your brother but you need to rise above that. You can try to argue with your parents about how much they will pay or you can just figure out how to do it on your own and then move out. You’ve been given some good recommendations above.</p>

17

<p>And just one more thing for everyone to ponder.</p>

<p>My grandfather gave $4,000 to my mom for me to use towards college. Guess what? That’s now sitting in her bank account. Yeah. So this $5,000 is really looking like $1,000 on their end IF they even decide to help me.</p>

18

<p>I know Erin’s Dad.</p>

<p>I know that I completely have taken this off topic, which I apologize for. I know people aren’t fully aware of the situation in my home, but sometimes it’s just hard to not let things out.</p>

<p>I think SUNY Albany is going to be good. I guess I just see my brother getting so much, I wanted something too. The jealous brother type, I guess. But you’re right, my whole life has been about coming to terms with reality which is why I am deciding SUNY Albany is where I’m going.</p>

<p>Thank you for the response</p>

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<p>SUNY…there is an old saying…don’t count other people’s money. You need to look at what you have, instead of looking at what you don’t have.</p>

20

<p>Hahah, I like that saying, thumper.</p>

<p>I guess I compare myself too much to other people and what they have, and want what they have. I know I have to break away from that mindset. </p>

<p>Seriously sorry for getting so worked up. I just feel like as my parents, they should help me. But I am an adult now, I can’t feel like this anymore. In the long run, Albany will get me to where I want to be and will cost me so much less. </p>

<p>I’ll put my big boy pants on now ;)</p>

<p>Thanks everyone!</p>