I come from the UK and have noticed that parents post all the time on CC and often quote all their kid’s “stats”. It is as if they are acting as an “agent” for their son/daughter. I also recently attended the Fulbright College fair in London and it was full of parents, some of whom distributed CVs and who often did all the talking. Is this an American thing? I joked about it to the Harvard rep at the college fair and she laughed and called them “helicopter” parents. I don’t see a real problem in it except that when you go to university, you are supposed to be an adult and speak for yourself.
Many parents do the research but then manage to maintain a light touch as they guide teens in choices.
Venting, networking and even making friends on this forum also relieves parental stress and keeps that touch all the lighter.
I understand that administrators and admissions people may use the term “helicopter parent” but they constitute a minority here on CC, in my opinion.
The Harvard forum may differ from others, however.
We’re doing it in our own self-interest. We want them to get properly situated so we can let out their bedroom on AirBnB and retire before we’re 90.
I also find this to be a major problem indicative of parents taking action in multiple areas of their children’s applications. It’s extremely unfair to have grown adults micromanaging their offsprings’ essays, activities section, and overall representation to colleges because it undermines the efforts of self-managed students. It should be a larger issue pursued by admission departments as plagiarism, but it’s largely brushed off as an assertive parenting style rather than an attempt to pass adult work off as that of a high school senior.
I’m not so sure that it’s a big problem that parents are writing their children’s college essays. Who has time for that? Sure, maybe helping to edit or give suggestions but doing the writing? I have also read that if a parent writes the essay, admissions can spot these essays a mile away.
I am a parent and I post here. I admit that I guided both of my kids in the admissions process. And they have both gotten good results from my guidance. They are really different kids and needed information in different ways.
One kid did no test prep and would not have accepted it and another kid was eager to do test prep with us. One kid was totally lost about how to develop a college list and the other kid was very aware of what she wanted in a college.
I’ve seen other parents hand over the entire process to their kids and it hasn’t worked out the way they expected. In those cases, the kids really could have used some guidance. Maybe not necessarily from the parent but from someone aware of how the process worked. Then the kid and parent were stunned about the results. But neither had done the research.
I think that’s why parents post on CC. It’s really about the research gathering to help the student have great options to choose from.
please don’t be offended but I personally find it a little weird how so many parents of future ivy leaguers are micromanaging on this forum. Come on, just let you child do his/her own thing. How do you expect them to succeed in college when you’ve held their hand this whole time
If someone actually gets into an Ivy League then they are a student who has excelled in numerous ways, in and out of school. Near-perfect grades and test scores, deep involvement in a number of ECs, polished essays, rec letters that show what an exemplary student and human being they are. You can’t fake all that through “micromanaging.”
As an American Parent, look at it more as a consultant! My kids wisely consults with me regarding my advise on how to maneuver the world. Since I have lots of experience in the world (college and graduate school….long career), I think I’m not only a good consultant but a pretty trust worthy advisor. Also, I appreciate other parents sharing their experiences. Wise people surround themselves with wise consultants, your foolish to think you can “do it all yourselves.”……Guess that’s an American thing……
@mariabongette - My H is a teacher. He works late into the night and a lot during the weekends. I work much fewer hours. So if I help him by editing a document, entering grades in his gradebook, or other trivial task does that make him any less capable? Of course not. Do you consider my help “weird”? So, likewise, when my kids were busy with all their extracurriculars and taking tons of AP classes, I did my part to help them out with their college search. I helped to research schools and helped to keep track of upcoming deadlines. Could they have done it themselves? Of course, they could (they certainly managed school work by themselves)…just like my H can do his job himself. But as I see it, I’m helping someone I love find a little time in their day to do other things—one of those other things could be spending time with me.
FWIW - I made sure to draw a line on what was appropriate help – for example, essays were theirs to write, and any direct communications with the school was theirs to make.
Both of my kids are succeeding just fine on their own in college and living on campus. - And, yes, @sadovaya, they speak for themselves and interact with their professors just fine.
College is so much more expensive here than anyplace else, and I think that is part of the reason parents are more involved. It doesn’t jeopardize parents’ retirement or finances to send a kid to college in the rest of the world, but it sure can here. As a parent, I want to make sure that my kid is getting the bang for the buck we are spending on college. I don’t want them to make a choice that isn’t a good fit, partly because merit aid and financial aid is often poor for transfer students. And transferring sometimes stretches the college cost to more than four years, which I am not keen on paying for. Would I write or hand out my kid’s CV? No. Would I edit it, or ask her to review it with her advisor? Absolutely.
There are some parents who overdo it. Certainly H, a college professor, is contacted by parents far more now than when he started teaching a few decades ago. That is excessive. However, helping shape a college list to ensure fit and affordability - not excessive. Keeping track of deadlines for busy high schoolers - I don’t see as excessive, as I do the same for H. I never did see my kid’s college app essays - they asked teachers to review them.
I did post S’s stats at one point, to ask for recommendations for schools based on his specific criteria. Yes, he could have Googled or used a college search engine, but when there’s a large community of knowledgeable folks, it makes sense to ask them as well.
There’s a huge difference between helicopter parenting and helping a 17 or 18 year old kid make a sound decision on something as important (and expensive) as what college to attend.
I think that’s it’s a big jump to assume that parents posting on CC have an agenda to get their kid into an Ivy.
It’s more about learning what the process is about- finding a good fit. I like how one parent commented on how they help but not take over.
I noticed that the student who commented wants to get into Harvard. I do think that there are parents with that agenda but for the most part, most parents on CC want to help find a good fit or even merit for their kid.
Neither of my kids aspired to get into an Ivy and had healthier goals. More again about what was right for them. I’m glad about that. And it all worked out fine so far.
My kids are 10 and 8. They’re obviously not thinking about college now, nor hopefully for many years. I spend a lot of time now helping them develop and find fulfilling activities, for their own sake. I also spend time on CC to help kids, and in the process I learn a lot. When the time comes, I expect to help guide my own kids to make wise choices and have options regarding colleges that fit them, whether Ivies or not. I think I’d be remiss as a parent if I weren’t involved to some extent, but it will be their process. Having had multiple family members go to Harvard and having gone to Harvard Medical School myself, Harvard would NOT be my personal choice, but it’s their lives, and they’ll make the final decision from the available options when the time comes.