<p>hello,</p>
<p>So my parents are always threatening me about not paying for my college. I am so sick of their threats that I want to be able to pay for my own college or at least most of it and get help from aunts and uncles, etc. Apart from scholarships, what can i do to ensure that I have the money to go to college? I will not have my parents be the reason that I don't go to a school where I can do my best. </p>
<p>Any advice??</p>
<p>Thanks,</p>
<p>yunmoonc</p>
<p>don’t bite the hand that feeds you. right now you need them more than they need you ;)</p>
<p>You can’t really cut your parents out of college process, even if they’re being unkind. See, the problem is that in order to qualify for most financial aid, you need to have at least the FAFSA filled out with your parents’ help. If they don’t fill it out, you can’t get any federal loans. Unless you live within a reasonable distance from a community college, it’ll be unlikely that you’ll be able to find a job that both pays for a community college and gives you enough time to actually attend classes and complete college-level work – a lot of people will insist that you can, and they’re usually right, but it’s not always a possible or a reasonable choice to work your way through school as a young person without any assistance from your parents, if only in the form of transportation or a roof over your head. </p>
<p>Is there a specific reason your parents are threatening you? If it’s even slightly possible, I would work on repairing that relationship. Generally, when parents and children threaten each other like that it’s usually indicative of something else – I doubt they really hate the idea of you getting an education so if you can figure out a way to address their concerns that’s really the best way to move forward. Trying to sever ties with them for educational purposes won’t work; the colleges won’t really take that into account and trying to find scholarships to cover the cost of most of colleges is pretty hard and requires more luck than skill.</p>
<p>I don’t qualify for financial aid. I’m above the cut. It’s just that they threaten to withhold money just to get me to do what they want.</p>
<p>I agree it’s just about impossible to cut your parents out of the financial end of college.</p>
<p>In addition to what’s been said, consider that, if your parents do have money for you for college, that’s probably money they saved over many years. You’re talking, I think, about trying to pay for college out of income, which is very much harder than paying for it out of savings.</p>
<p>If you seriously want to fund your own post-secondary education without your parents’ involvement, you can look into the military. ROTC scholarships are generous–or, at least, were back in the day–or you can enlist and earn money for college while you serve. Of course, the military won’t give you something for nothing…</p>
<p>Take some deep breaths here. Look at your folks as if they were somebody down the street. You might see:</p>
<p>1) They are afraid. Afraid you are not ready for adult responsibilities. Afraid of the costs of college. Afraid of the costs of retirement. Afraid of all the nuttiness going on in the world. </p>
<p>2) They want to hang on to you. For all that they want you to grow up, they also want their “baby” to stay in need of them. </p>
<p>So, what to do? Be more analytical and less “reptile brain” (The reptile brain “strikes” out every time it is provoked. If you go “WHATT??” in an irritated fashion when your mom calls your name, you are reacting with the reptile brain). </p>
<p>Teens often see small tasks as irrelevant and irritating. So what if you don’t get the laundry off the floor? What’s the big deal? But parents view the same thing with dispair. “How can he ever major in engineering if he can’t get his underwear into the laundry chute?”. </p>
<p>So try the following:
<p>Don’t do this because you want dollars for college. Do this because you want to be a competent, thoughtful adult. Give it a very serious effort – and see what you think in six weeks. Things might be a good deal better. </p>
<p>This doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat. You don’t need to turn into the house slave. But do a SIGNIFICANT amount of service and you may see the sniping decrease.</p>
<p>My mother is a monster who threatens me because she wants to exploit me. She is lazy and does not want to do anything for me. Anytime i need something she says blah blah, you get your own ride, you pay for your own college, you get your own stuff. </p>
<p>There is no communication with her.</p>
<p>Are you a rising senior, now applying for colleges? If so, you should consider applying to at least one where your stats would guarantee you a full ride, if possible.</p>
<p>If you are determined to continue doing whatever it is that causes your parents to threaten not to pay for college, you might consider talking to an adult about this to get some perspective. Do you have a guidance counselor or religious leader with whom you could talk?</p>
<p>For some activities (failing to make your bed every day), your parents might be a bit unreasonable–but then, isn’t it worth $160,000 or so to make your bed every day for the next year?</p>
<p>For other activities (doing drugs, robbing banks, driving drunk), your parents have a point.</p>
<p>I make my bed, I have never drank alcohol, smoked, been in trouble with the law, been in trouble with school.</p>
<p>yunmoonc,</p>
<p>Re-read Olymom’s post. There’s some very good advice there.</p>
<p>You wrote:
</p>
<p>Where do you live? Do you know what tuition runs at your in-state colleges? Is there a CC that you could commute to?</p>
<p>Be aware that at a minimum you will need your parents to fill out the FAFSA in order to get federal loans * in your name * if they can’t or won’t pay any of your tuition expenses. The maximum in federal loans that you’ll get is $5500 for your freshman year. That * may pay * the tuition and fees at a local college or a local state university, but it most certainly will not pay for room, board, books, and other sundry supplies.</p>
<p>Your aunts and uncles may very well be reluctant to lend or give you money for college. After all, they presumably have kids of their own and they will be responsible for figuring out a way to pay for * their kids’ * college expenses.</p>
<p>And re-read Gardna’s post. Gardna gives you some very good advice about how tough it can be to try to support yourself and go to school full time without any help at all from your parents.</p>
<p>I would suggest that you get a part time job NOW—while you’re in high school. And maintain your current grades while working the part time job. Save every penny you make; that will give you a bit more money for college expenses. It may also help your parents see that you are turning into a competent, young adult. And that in turn may help them decide to pay or partially pay for your college expenses.</p>
<p>And if you’ve got particularly high stats, you might want to look for a full-ride merit scholarship somewhere. You can start by reading <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/848226-important-links-automatic-guaranteed-merit-scholarships.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/848226-important-links-automatic-guaranteed-merit-scholarships.html</a> and searching for similar threads. There have been a number of them.</p>
<p>yunmoonc,</p>
<p>You write:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>These are * minimum * parental expectations for all kids. The kids who can’t do these things (except for making the bed) are the kids who parents lay awake at night worrying over.</p>
<p>Try to exceed your parents’ expectations: Smile and say “Good morning” even when you don’t feel like it. Do several chores a week * without being asked*: Offer to mow the grass; do some laundry that’s NOT your own; sweep the kitchen or dust the living room. Get a job that pays for your own spending money or that lets you save money for college.</p>
<p>Heck, simply giving your parents an unexpected hug and an “I love you” as you’re walking out the door to go somewhere goes a long, long way.</p>
<p>Yes, some parents do use “paying for college” as a threat to get kids to behave.</p>
<p>What exactly is going on? Will your parents pay if you “behave” or will they still not pay no matter what?</p>
<p>I wouldn’t depend on “aunts and uncles” to pay or help pay unless they’re so wealthy and have seriously indicated that they will pay.</p>
<p>Since you won’t qualify for FA, are your stats high? If so, then you might be able to get some merit scholarships at the schools that do offer them (not all schools do.)</p>
<p>What are your stats?</p>
<p>In the meantime, “make nice” with mom. No one needs that stress.</p>
<p>It wasn’t easy to write what follows in a way that sounds frank but not accusatory, but I’ve tried to write it that way. I hope you’ll try to read it that way.</p>
<p>You haven’t given any evidence here that you’ve tried to see this issue from your parents’ side. I haven’t post-stalked you, but in this thread you’ve called names and said unkind things about your parents, and you don’t seem to have listened much to people who suggest their motives might actually be good.</p>
<p>Now, I’m sure you’re a person with many fine qualities that just haven’t been apparent in this thread. But tuition, room and board, fees, books, transportation and incidentals for four years of private college could total close to a quarter of a million dollars. And, as Olymom points out, that’s a lot of dough to divert from your parents’ retirement; nobody wants to lend them money to finance their retirement, after all. </p>
<p>So, ask yourself sincerely, “What do I bring to this family that makes it appropriate for my parents to spend that kind of money on my education?” If you answer honestly, can you come up with something better than “never been arrested”? If not, you better up your game. If you can, what can you do to make your assets more evident to your parents? If the answer to that question is “nothing,” then you really are in a crappy situation, and if I were you, I might be mad at my parents, too. </p>
<p>But even if that’s the case, even if you have a legitimate complaint against your parents, you might want to give some thought to how you express your unhappiness. When I read what you’ve written in this thread, I think you sound judgmental and entitled–certainly not like a person I’d want to send to college if I were your uncle.</p>
<p>We just don’t have enough info to know what’s going on.</p>
<p>We don’t know if the student is a “good kid” with a smart mouth (meaning that he gets good grades and doesn’t get into trouble at school, but is rude and antagonistic to his folks).</p>
<p>We don’t know if the parents have no intention of paying, but are using the excuse that they won’t pay because of the student.</p>
<p>We don’t know if the student is flaky about various things - loses things, doesn’t know where his things are, messy, etc, and therefore the parents don’t feel that he would succeed at a “go-away” school. </p>
<p>We don’t know if the parents are just being “paper tigers” and are using the threat of college in order to get more cooperation from their child. </p>
<p>I suggest keeping your nose clean, being polite and helpful, don’t be demanding or unreasonable, be neat and organized with your things, doing your own laundry and such, and THEN after demonstrating such for awhile, nicely ask both parents at the same time about how much they will pay for college.</p>