Parents want me to commute

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>Let me start with a little back story. I'm a high school senior applying to colleges, never been to a party, never had a girlfriend, or did any fun things in high school because of my overprotective parents, and it brings up a world of regret thinking about all the things I missed out on. I figured that I'd make it up in college, yet my parents have other plans. </p>

<p>My mom is adamant on me living at home. She doesn't believe in any college experience, mainly because she never had it, my parents are immigrants from the Soviet Union. To my mom its all about the money saved, while I agree that you do save money, those who commute lose much more out of their lives that you just can't put a price on. </p>

<p>My parents think that I'm not ready to live on my own, I completely disagree. I mean honestly, how is living with them another four years going to change that? If according to my mom, after 18 years with them, I'm not ready to live on my own, what will 4 more do? Absolutely nothing, I'll be a wreck. My home is not a good studying environment. Ive constantly got my parents nagging me, along with my little sister. I'll be a mental wreck if I commute. </p>

<p>My biggest fear about commuting, in fact one of the biggest fears Ive had in my life is the fact that I won't know anyone. All of my friends are moving away, and I feel that by commuting, I'll be repeating high school sitting at home. I feel like I'll never go to a party, have a girlfriend, etc.</p>

<p>I live in a suburb of Philly, my mom wants me to commute to Drexel, which would we about a one hour trip each way, so I'd be spending two hours each day just driving. I don't know what to do, how can I prove to my mom that dorming is almost necessary, because up to this point she is ignoring everything I bring up.</p>

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<p>Would you be willing to take out loans? Seems like that would be your only option if your mom is adamant about you commuting.</p>

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<p>Go dorm. You don’t want to commute, so if you end up doing it, you’re probably going to end up miserable. Plus, two hours driing everyday is going to add a lot of unneded stress, and with 2 hours of driving every day, you could be losing time that you could use to have a job.</p>

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<p>1 hour commute? that’s WAY too long, seriously. your first year at least you’ll probably have many 9 am classes and possibly 8 am. you don’t want to have to wake up at 6 am everyday. college isn’t high school. there will also be many days where you get up late and you won’t be able to run to class immediately. </p>

<p>also

LOL</p>

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<p>The thing is I’m also going through the same thing. I do not know what to tell you, but the only solution I’d be able to give you is for you to just stick with it for a year. Honestly, If you’re parents are as bad as mine (read my post if you want) you should try to stick it out if you’re starting school soon or something. I suggest finding a job, part time or something and building your credit with the help of a credit card or if you dont have a job or time to work or something, get a secured credit card and start building it that way. In a year or so, you should be able to build a good amount of credit so if your parents still wont let you leave, you can use financial aid and take the rest out in a loan and with a good enough credit score you wont need a cosigner. My parents are overprotective immigrant parents too, and I’ve given up scholarships just because they have forced me to go somewhere close to home and live at home. I think you should try to convince them because of you being responsible so far. Goodluck</p>

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<p>Can you actually afford to live on campus? You make some good points about the risk of social isolation if you commute rather than live on campus, but if the money isn’t there – or your parents won’t support you – then you don’t have much of a choice.</p>

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<p>I am a college instructor in English and one of my sons went away to college and the other one commuted.
My older son found that dorm life, while fun, meant crowded rooms, lousy food, and living in the library if you wanted to do any work.
If you are a serious student, live at home and join clubs/organizations, etc.
If you are counting on late-night beer pong, hooking up, etc. then you are correct to want to live on campus.</p>

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<p>I am one of the very few commuter students at my university. I know how you feel about this, since what you are experiencing now directly parallels with what I had confronted over the past eighteen months. </p>

<p>My parents and I had this same exact conversation last year. Ultimately, it was agreed that I would commute because I live only less than a ten minute drive from my school, and hence, living on campus wouldn’t be the most economical choice. </p>

<p>It is true, you do miss out on the “college experience” if you commute. It sucks. I know this firsthand. I’ve never partied, never engaged in any licentious behavior, and I don’t have as many friends as my residential peers do. But, honestly, college doesn’t last that long, and before long, you will be 22, with a BA or BS, ready to go out on your own and make your own choices. Just because you didn’t have a social life in college doesn’t necessarily mean that you will lack one as a young adult.</p>

<p>However, there are a lot of pluses to commuting. You save quite a bit of money. You tend to be more responsible than your average college student. You might even get better grades than your peers. And not living on campus forces you to take the initiative if you want to get involved on campus. It is an excellent learning experience in itself, and forces you to directly confront the negatives of being a commuter student - such as loneliness, lack of school pride, and lack of friendship - and achieve a greater level of self-awareness.</p>

<p>For example, I’ve made quite a few friends simply by starting my own club on campus. I transformed my despair over commuting into positive action, and it seems to be working for me so far. </p>

<p>Encourage your parents to allow you live on campus - for the first year, at least. In retrospect, I should have lived on campus for my first year and commuted for the remaining three, instead of commuting for all four, as I do now.</p>

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<p>Lol, funny the way it is. I felt the same way as you over the summer but (I’m a freshman now) everything is going fine. Sure, I’m probably missing out on some stuff due to commuting but hey when you graduate at least you will off much better financially so you can get your own property (rent or even own) than your peers. I’ll admit that I’m like you, like much went down with socially in HS, and the same now, but my grades are good and I’m probably getting an internship this summer. Use commuting in order to focus on thereal stuff not the stuff you won’t care about once it’s over.</p>

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<p>I would avoid the hour commute if possible. 2 hours each way will cut into study time, ability to participate in co-curricular activities, have a job, etc…</p>

<p>If your parents are set on your commuting (for financial and/ or other reasons) I would suggest looking for colleges that are closer by to your home. There are many colleges around Philly. Are any of them with in a 20 minute commute or less commute to home?</p>

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<p>Dude I commute 4 hours a day and get it done. Do extracurriculars on the weekends and study hard once you get home. Unless you got a job that is.</p>

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<p>Well, have you tried these arguments on your mom? Students who live on campus actually perform BETTER than students who live off campus (my college publishes an avg. grade point comparison - maybe yours does too). While one poster said living on campus is no good except for partying, many students who live on campus actually study all night (I’m serious). Your dorm mates are a great support system when it comes to studying and joining meaningful activities (leadership and otherwise). You CAN find a support system as a commuter but it is much more difficult without the “wingman” and immediate living-learning community that you find in a dorm environment (impromptu late night talks about metaphysics? Not uncommon). The added stress could impact your academic performance. </p>

<p>Alternatively, take out loans.</p>

<p>If all else fails, make the best of it. Commuting can be seen as a weakness or you could turn it into an advantage. I know I personally was really lazy about making friends. I made friends with my dorm neighbors and that was it - stuck with my freshman floormates all 4 yrs. They were “friends of convenience” and not people that I really got along with. As a commuter, you’ll be forced to really find your niche. People I know who really worked hard to meet people outside of their dorm are the ones that have the best, most interesting group of friends.</p>

<p>I know you say the study environment at your home sucks. Well, use that as excuse to spend as much time as possible in the library, in the student union, with study groups, whatever. If you live in a dorm, the immediate impulse is to take your stuff back to your room and hole up. Studying in busy areas will mean you have more of an opportunity to meet people. If you take the time to form a study group, that’s even better.</p>

<p>Worried about not being able to party, etc? Don’t worry. Make friends and crash at their places some weekends (that’s what people do when partying anywaY). </p>

<p>Good luck. You can make this work no matter what happens. Many students live on campus and have a ****ty college experience (like me). Living on campus is not the ticket to the Perfect College Life. As a commuter you can still have a better college experience than a lot of people who don’t commute. It may take some extra effort, but extra effort is NEVER a bad thing when it comes to college - you get out of it what you put in. You can still put in your all as a commuter.</p>

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<p>It’s overrated. As long as you make an effort to expand, everything will work out.</p>

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<p>Show her that commuting will really limit your scheduling opportunities and not let you get as much out of education as you would like. Usually I’m all for staying with parents during college because what, an extra $5000- at least?- a year is not worth the crappy college dorms. But an hour each way is a little much. You can pull it off, but at some point it will start being an inconvenience.</p>

<p>If you have to go through with it, look into taking classes online or only taking Tuesday/Thursday classes. This can usually be done with general education, but once you get into classes for your major it will turn into a nightmare to not be available every day of the week. Because you are not going to want to make that drive every day, ever year. Trust me!</p>

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<p>First of all, don’t drive, take the train. You’ll be able to get work done on the train so the time won’t be wasted. Secondly, go in at the crack of dawn, stay at campus all day, work in the library with your cellphone off, get a part-time job, don’t come home for dinner, take the train home really late at night (that should scare them pretty good) and go right to sleep when you get in. Wake up in the morning and head right back in. Don’t do anything to participate in family life, you’re too busy with work. Go in on weekends for study groups, ECs, parties, etc. If they get used to not seeing you around anyway, maybe they’ll get the idea that you have a life of your own and realize the silliness of it all.</p>

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<p>It’s their choice on whether they want to pay for you to commute or not. I faced that exact problem…commuting an hour from new jersey to Drexel…My parents weren’t going to shell out any money period, so I gave up Drexel and commute to a school 15 minutes from my house. </p>

<p>I would have had to take out extra loans to stay at Drexel, so I chose to save my money.</p>

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<p>Excellent suggestion about using the train. You can do things so it doesn’t feel so much like you are commuting. Try to take deep breaths and make the best of it :).</p>

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<p>I am a freshman commuter student living 10-15 minutes from campus. I’ve found there are good and bad points to commuting. The good points are money saved, learning to be responsible, and, for me, a good study environment at home while still being able to be on campus easily. The disadvantages are not making friends with your roommates, and I’ve learned that freshmen especially spend time in the dorms. </p>

<p>That being said, you also seem to be alluding to a stereotypical “college life” that you think you will lose out if you commute (parties, girls, liquor!). My first question for you is whether or not it’s the environment or your personality. If you haven’t been going to parties or dating, it might be because you are just shy & introverted. Not even joining the wildest frat will turn you into a promiscuous, beer-chugging party boy if it’s not in you. You probably had chances to “party” in high school. There’s probably a reason you didn’t take that chance. That being said, it’s good to be introverted and conscientious are good traits. You should not believe you are missing anything because you are not drunk on Friday night.</p>

<p>You seem rather anti-commuting. Give commuting some second thought. It’s definitely better than tens of thousands in unsecured debt. Living on campus is kind of a “sacred cow” in America. Its become a tradition and a symbolic “rite of passage” that people find themselves doing just because it’s expected (I actually know parents who forced their sons and daughters to live on campus!). Contrary to popular belief, I don’t think you need to live on campus to be a full, well-rounded person. I don’t think anyone will be “messed up” (as you put it) if they commute.</p>

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<p>^^Excellent post. I commute, and while it has made it hard to make connections, it’s nowhere near as horrible as some people here make it out to be.</p>

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<p>In my opinion I prefer living on campus especially if you are majoring in Engineering. It nice to find group of people to study hard subjects like Electrical Engineering. Plus traveling back and forth from your home to school takes a lot time and with all the distraction home like my gaming PC and my siblings I sometime find it impossible to study at home.</p>