<p>My son is heading down to NYU Poly as a freshman and doesn't want us to go to parents weekend. I have spoken with a few people and have heard that it is somewhat too soon after drop-off and the students are still enjoying their independence. We live far enough away that it would be a full weekend event. I was looking forward to it but also want to respect his wishes. </p>
<p>Thoughts?</p>
<p>I am going down for parents weekend. Not the whole weekend but part of it. Dd is playing a fall sport and I want to support her. </p>
<p>I think you should go. After all, we want to be part of the process even though it is not about us. I am paying for this good time and would like to see first hand that my dd is having a good time.</p>
<p>We went to Parent’s Weekend last year (freshman) and have made arrangements to attend this year also. H, younger D, and I toured campus, went to the open houses, etc. S met us for lunch and for the division breakfast. We all attended the football game, but he sat with his friends (front row vs. our nose bleed seats). After the game, we went out for dinner and a movie then dropped him off at his dorm so he could still do Saturday night stuff with the guys. We met on Sunday for lunch.</p>
<p>This year, H doesn’t get to go, and D & I will go down on Saturday. We’ll meet S at his apartment, make a Wal Mart run if needed, go out for lunch, then wander campus until time to go to the football game in the evening. We’ll meet him again Sunday afternoon for lunch and a trip to the mall.</p>
<p>It worked out well for us to look around on our own and let him have space. He didn’t mind meeting us for things.</p>
<p>It’s not that we want to intrude on his time or experience. Local people go all the time to their football games as fans. We want to support the school and him.</p>
<p>We went to parent’s weekend in our son’s freshman year. For us it was sort of a rite of passage. It’s not all about the student. We gave him tons of space and enjoyed the activities planned by the university and enjoyed going to the game with him. He was so overwhelmed with studying that we didn’t get as much contact with him as we would have liked. Gave us peace of mind to know that he was fully integrated into school, to meet his new friends [faces to names] and to get an over all feel for his new life. Did not go last year but instead made a January visit and had much more time to enjoy what he wanted to show off about his newly adopted city. Little brother got to stay at the dorm with him and that was a treat as well. Not sure what the plans are for this year, but we know that he will be the one calling the shots.</p>
<p>If you want to go, I think you should. </p>
<p>We went to the full parent weekend festivities (classroom tours, luncheon, speakers etc.) our daughter’s freshman year. Even though we’d obviously toured the school and been on campus, it was a great feeling to really feel like part of the school. We did not demand that our d miss any of the things she wanted. She had lunch with us and ran off with friends. </p>
<p>This trransition into college is not just your child’s experience, it’s yours too. Once was good for us… Subsequently, we’ve only gone to the football games since we live close enough to do so…</p>
<p>I did not go last year to D’s Parents Weekend at NYU, and regretted it. Although she said she was okay with me not going, on the Friday it started, she called me at noon in tears because (her words) EVERYONE had family there. We spent a lot of that weekend on the phone and eventually, she found people to spend time with and was semi-okay, but not happy. Also, her program had a very special presentation for parents and since it is a small program, it was obvious who did not have parents there.</p>
<p>Both sons turned us down when we offered to visit for Parent’s Weekend freshmen year. We have visited S1 many times at school (need a plane to get there) and have always been turned down by S2 to accept a visit from us (plane ride away also. ) He is too busy for us! Still trying and may show up sometime this Fall anyway!</p>
<p>Not every parent comes to Parent’s Weekend so don’t worry too much about it.</p>
<p>You should definitely plan a visit some time in the fall, but there’s no reason it has to be Parents Weekend unless you find the planned activities to be particularly thrilling. I didn’t enjoy visiting D’s campus when it was filled with throngs of parents, and the planned events were, on the whole, entirely skippable. I think you should respect your son’s wishes and not impose yourself on him. Ask him to pick a time that would be good for a visit (October is a nice time to be in NYC) and have him plan some NYC activities for all of you as well. He’ll feel more in control of the process and more positive about it. (Parents Weekend didn’t even exist when I attended college in the pre-helicopter parenting days. Similarly, parents just dumped our belongings at the dorms and took off on move-in day. We all survived just fine.)</p>
<p>We went to parent’s weekend. When it was over, my D confessed to have been worried about having us, but it turned out fine. We respected her “space,” and didn’t try to spend every minute with her.</p>
<p>My son’s school only had a parents weekend for freshmen, so I definitely flew across country to attend. It was different to walk around campus knowing son was there. I saw his room and some classrooms. I heard why there were more study groups at 11 pm then earlier in day. I met a parent of someone in his House, who lives local, and she was wonderful to me, and coincidentally, our sons are good friends. I barely remember tie with the worm, but left feeling wonderful about his school.</p>
<p>It’s called Parent weekend for a reason–it’s for the Parents. If you want to attend, then do! I’m guessing your DS will be interested in seeing you even though he won’t admit it now. If you’d prefer to avoid all the hoopla, then pick another weekend.</p>
<p>Thanks! Great input. I do want to visit him but maybe we will go for the non-parents day idea. </p>
<p>I think by then he will miss us more than he realizes now. He is very independent but also very close to us. Especially his brothers.</p>
<p>We never went to Parent’s weekend with the oldest. I am kind of sorry we skipped it, but it was a long way away and we knew he didn’t care. They weren’t doing any presentations I wanted to go to. For younger son we did go last year (his freshman year). There was two presentations we wanted to go to - one to meet the prof in his symposium class (the one who sent him off to Pakistan), and the other about study abroad. We barely saw our son - just had brunch in the cafeteria and a lunch at a restaurant. We brought his grandmother (who we stayed with - she lives about 1.5 hours away). Haven’t decided whether we’ll go this year, or whether we might visit him some other time. We have lots of family relatively near by so that can always be the excuse for the visit.</p>
<p>My D also didn’t want us anywhere near her campus during freshman year. Not sure why, perhaps it was a leftover from the high school my-parents-are-so-embarrassing syndrome. She’s a junior now, and actually invited us to come. So there is hope.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s unusual for a freshman, especially a son, to think that most parents don’t go to parents weekend. I know my oldest son thought that we would be one of the few parents until he actually got to talking with his friends (probably the day before) and found out that all of their parents were coming. At his school it was normal for parents to go every year. I went freshman and sophomore year, he was abroad junior year and then we skipped senior year since we knew we would be down in the Spring for graduation. It was a 7 hour car ride for us, so we decided early on, that one visit a year would be it. We did something similar with our daughter and she was a plane ride away. </p>
<p>The thing that kids don’t often realize about that weekend is that it’s designed so that parents and kids can spend as much time together (or apart) as they want to and that there are plenty of things for parents to do without their kids. If you go another weekend, you’ll be more dependent on your son to figure out things to do.</p>
<p>My vote is to plan to go but do not expect to spend a lot of time with your son. As others have mentioned your son will likely find out most parents will be coming and while he likely won’t tell you will like seeing you (briefly). With my oldest we went down for one day of the weekend and met for lunch and walk around the campus/neighborhood and then again for dinner with FirstToGo’s best friends at school … that was all the time we spent with her (her choice). There is one caveat this was only a 4 hour drive so pretty easy to get to … we’re very glad we went and will go to our younger kids days also (while allowing them to decide how much time they spend with us).</p>
<p>We went freshman year. We didn’t do any of the planned events, instead took him out to dinner Friday and Saturday (which he loved - anything to get a break from campus food) and went to his rugby game on Saturday which happened to be an away game. At the game we met lots of parents, not just freshman but a good mix of all classes. This year we’ll be doing it again. It will be in late October. He’s moving in by himself this year (flying from CA to PA next Friday) and has decided not to come home for Thanksgiving so this will be the only time we see him until Christmas.</p>
<p>If the purpose of the visit is to visit your kid, then any workable weekend works.</p>
<p>However, “Parent’s Weekend” has a completely different purpose. Schools spend an enormous amount of planning and preparation to welcome the parents. We enjoyed the speakers, presentation by the President of the U, meeting some of our d’s friend’s parents from other states, just talking with other parents in general, the bbq chicken sandwich luncheon was OK :). </p>
<p>The kids generally go to a “freshman orientation” program… and we felt that Parent’s Weekend was sort of our “orientation” as new parents… (lol.) As I mentioned, we enjoyed it, and it gave us a warm feeling to have the experience when she was a new freshman and we were learning about the school. If you don’t go this year -try to make it next. By the time they’re upperclassmen, it feels less necessary somehow…</p>
<p>Please, “respect his wishes”
We have attended for 2 reasons: only 3.5 hrs to drive and our D. truly wanted us to come. It was wonderful event, walking a lot on the grounds of the beautiful campus. But if D. hinted that she does not want us to be there, we would not dare to disrespect her wish.</p>
<p>BTW, forgot to mention, yes, the whole purpose of this is to spend time with your kid. There were no parents-only events at all at D’s parent weekend.</p>