100% agree here. That’s how we are handling inheritances today.
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3000% agree. I have cousins who were SO sad to inherit… their parents would have so enjoyed what the money could have done. Their lives would have been so much easier in their later years. Instead- a lifetime of thrift-- a much larger pot of money than any of their heirs needed-- and a lot of regret.
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Thank you for your feedback and response. I just reviewed the post I replied to and another one or two above that and don’t see in those particular posts the aspect of questioning the 17 year old’s choices before writing a check, which I completely agree with.
I think that part of your comments triggered my reaction because when I was growing up I said I wanted to be a doctor, and my father always said that he would pay whatever was needed, even if it was the HYP prices. We frequently visited college campuses while we traveled well before I was even in high school as researching colleges was one of my hobbies (things haven’t changed much 
). But when I decided I wanted to become a humanities professor he changed his tune that he would only pay for an in-state public. His opinion on what he would pay for changed again before my senior year of high school, but the difference in standards of what he would pay for based on my intended profession never sat right with me.
There are families who may tell their children that the pot of money for college is X, therefore the more you spend from this pot now, the less you will have later (be it for grad school, houses, etc.). It’s certainly fair to have students think about those costs and what is valuable to them. Others are simply willing to pay for college, regardless of the costs. There was an example in another thread (or maybe it was this one), where parents were taking out a home equity loan to pay for an expensive dream school and then were going to limit the younger sibling to an in-state public. The same amount of unfairness in that situation is what it feels like for me when a parent assesses their budget with respect to their child’s intended career. (I’m not talking about luxury dorms, floating rivers, etc, I’m talking about actual education values.)
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I am veering off topic, and agree. But at my age, I don’t know how much I am going to need as I age (will I need assisted living or skilled nursing? Dunno). So I can’t gift my kids large sums of money. They may just have to wait until I kick the bucket.
I look back and wish we had spent more on travel with the kids, but I didn’t know the car was not going to die on us or that I would never lose a job. But I had to save just in case.
I hope to be in a situation one day where I know I can afford to give some money to my kids here and there or take them on a vacation, etc instead of leaving all of it to them after I am gone.
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Full pay private college can be incredibly expensive, no doubt about it. I did find that college expenses paled in comparison to dementia care/assisted living/ nursing home bills. Not trying to go off topic, but even dream schools are cheap compared to some expenses, sadly.
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Right there with you, @roycroftmom! Both with regards to choosing to fund our kids’ college educations, and dealing with dementia care.
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I understand your argument - but I’m unclear why it’s being made? This thread was asking parents, whether they regretted having paid up for their kids’ choice of college.
Are you hoping to instill buyer’s regret with those parents, after they already voiced being perfectly at ease with their decision? Or are you questioning the validity of their feelings based on an assumption that these parents must be financially illiterate?
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Yes, I don’t understand why we’re quibbling over a few million $$ over 40 years anyway. 
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The OP isn’t talking about prestige or dream school or ROI or even what school has the better academics as much as she is asking about fit. Is the right fit worth an extra $20K a year? I think others are right to point out that is a personal question that ultimately only the student and the parents can answer. And their answers may not be the same. I think further research will give her the answer she is seeking. That is why I suggested researching how to keep one school’s costs down and how to make another school a better fit. Also, and I apologize if I am being presumptuous or if I am more selfish than most, but as a parent and maybe particularly the parent of an only child, the idea of spending more $ to have your child move further away from you, well that can be hard!
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We went through the same thing with my D. The “queen bee” girl in her grade (who D didn’t like) was going to a school that D was interested in. The school was big enough where D could easily avoid her, but that wasn’t good enough for D. I told her that she doesn’t like her so it’s not like she’d be seeing her on purpose…
She would be seeing this girl way less then she did in high school
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My kids were not “dream school” type people. They didn’t obsess over it, prestige, appearance, location etc. as did many of their classmates. Athletic recruiting added another variable to the mix.
In the end, they all were clear about the schools they wanted to attend and were thankfully admitted to those schools. One was admitted to UW honors and the other two to UW. Great school, lots going for it, but we are pretty clear that we made the right choice to go full pay private. We like what we received for the money. It was a sacrifice in the short-term … we delayed big remodels and buying a boat and that sort of thing, and spent that $$ on school and traveling to visit them and watch them compete.
I can’t speak to what others should do with their money and I hate it when they attempt to do so for me w/ limited understanding of my financial acumen, health, goals and history.
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This. Every. Single. Time … someone on this board gives me a lesson on future value calculations my eyes go right to the back of my head.
There is always a little confirmation bias when we review a decision that cannot be undone, but even admitting that, I generally don’t struggle with second-guessing myself and I’m well aware of what the money could have become if invested. I. Don’t. Care.
For us it was the right decision on all three counts. Some people just can’t stand that answer though, and I don’t know why. We’re the ones who raised the kids, know who they are and have a good idea where they’ll thrive and be happy. I’m clear that nobody put a gun to my head to educate my children. It was a gift, and I choose the gifts I give on my own. I don’t need to recite all the ways I was super thrifty to make up for it. Nunyabidness.
Different people value different things … differently. Some people cannot fathom spending $135,000 on a vintage Porsche 356. After all, the new ones are in every respect better cars. Better fit and finish, better engines, better safety, better chassis, better everything. From a practicality standpoint, it makes no sense to spend even a fraction of the $$ it takes to buy a '59 speedster, when that money can be used instead buy a new 911. But plenty of people do, and it makes them happy for reasons that are hard to reduce to numbers.
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This is a profound point!
I drive el cheapo cars so your analogy works for me theoretically even if not practically!
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Same with me. Only buy Hondas. Dont understand any other car purchase, but obviously most choose otherwise. To each their own.
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Yep, most families with 1.7 kids need nothing more than the cheapest 4-wheel Kia, need never to eat out in any restaurants (specially not nice ones, but even fast-food places), and need never travel anyplace on vacation (a backpack and camping stove would do) – or need an iPhone with an unlimited data plan. Because, any of those expenses WILL compound to millions, given enough time.
Yet, most of us accept these “losses” and choose to splurge on a few things that make us feel better about what our hard work allows us to afford. In my case, one of those things was my own daughter! Reckless?
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There are cultural elements at play as well. I am a first Gen American, raised with a very conscious understanding of the refugee dynamic that your house, car, bank account and “stuff” can get seized in minutes, and if you’re lucky enough to get out with your life, the only thing you take with you is your human capital, i.e. skills, experience, education and work ethic. So it was not weird in my family to spend on education and not spend so much on the “stuff”. I have friends of very different ethnic backgrounds whose families came from Cuba, Viet Nam, etc. and although the specifics are quite dissimilar, some of the attitudes are very common.
So my “splurges” on my kids education has a component of generational trauma to it as well. I am rational of course, and realize that a BA from literally any accredited university in the US is just as portable as having been a full-payer at expensive U. But my irrational side says “if you don’t spend it on education, what the heck COULD you spend it on?” It’s the mental version of a Go-Bag!
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Yep, I can make my daughter marginally more happy in 30 years by leaving her a few Mio more, or actually share in her joy today that her own very hard work is being rewarded, by me allowing her to freely pick from among the top schools she was accepted into.
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People who think there are limits to human judgment and arrogance just need to spend some time on this site. Been here for years and it still amazes me sometimes. Clap. Clap.
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Ya, but the 356 speedster is a work of art. And if you can afford one, then you can likely afford to own both old and new. 
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Why on earth is this directed at me? I am the one who said spend more now if it brings happiness.Maybe you got confused or didnt read my posts.