Parents - who started the college search process? You or your child?

Parents Forum
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<p>Dragged my son on school tours last summer. Nagged him to get his applications in. Begged him to check his online status - he waited until letters came in the mail. Totally apathetic when he received acceptances. Forced him to visit the two schools that he'd narrowed his choices to (the only two we hadn't visited over the summer) Finally, last week I saw a smile on his face when he clicked the accept button. </p>

<p>When I started a thread last year, concerned about his apathy I was told that it is pretty typical. The kids that post on this forum are not.</p>

22

<p>It evolved over time. But D was a recruited athlete, so we started thinking about it and various coaches. Esoteric sport so it was a more limited but duanting set.</p>

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<p>I started the process. Gave D a "big book" of colleges to look at during the summer after freshman year, and was thoroughly surprised a few months later when I noticed she'd marked some of the colleges! After her sophomore PSAT, I found CC (and the rest is history?). Started attending college fairs and presentations as a sophomore, toured colleges between soph and junior years. She picked the colleges to apply to, and which she attended. I was her research assistant. Now my son is a junior, and he developed criteria for a college that I'm working with - again being a research assistant. He listens to my advice regarding admissions strategy (thank you, CC!). </p>

<p>Of course, the college they love as a sophomore will probably not be the college they love as a senior. Daughter didn't even apply to the colleges that had been at the top of her list when she was a sophomore.</p>

24

<p>For S1, definitely him. For S2, definitely me.</p>

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<p>For S1, definitely me. He had no clue.
For S 2, he has already had the benefit of visiting schools so he knows what he <em>doesn't</em> want. He's a sophomore and we will start looking a bit earlier with him since he wants to look farther afield from home. Each child is different.
Buy some books and leave them places where your kid might idly pick one up.
Start reading the brochures at dinner-- eventually he might get nervous that you will do it without him and will start to take an interest.</p>

26

<p>Oh. It was I. Absolutely. Apparently no one at son's school even started thinking about all this until the very end of junior year, and that was just to say, "That's something we'll have to think about next fall." And that is how most handled it. I was told by other parents that I was imposing "cruel and unusual punishment" by taking son on college tours during Spring Break of Junior year. By that time, DS understood the need and the timing, but it was still a bit difficult because his peers were in Mexico or Florida.</p>

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<p>My son's middle school, when he was in eighth grade, encouraged the kids to go to a college fair at a local high school -- just to look around. So I took him. He learned what kind of courses to take or test scores to produce to contend for a spot at various colleges. It was a good experience. The admissions people were great on giving him advice, not pushing their schools. He has no desire to apply to any of the colleges he saw that night. Instead, he has a list of eight or nine that interest him. We've been to most of them. He does not have a true No. 1 either. He has seen too many kids from our school in tears when their dream died with rejection. In fact, his English teacher said that she admires him for not selling himself on one school but keeping his options open. </p>

<p>BTW, my youngest son is a sixth grader. He loves the tours. He already is developing his list based on our visits. And he likes the schools that did not interest his older brother. He is interested in good cereal bars!</p>

<p>All kids are different.</p>

28

<p>When my son was 9th grade, I started to search top 30 colleges, looking for which one has full merit, the scholars' profiles, and top end schools' requirement. In the summer before senior, my son made the decision which school he wanted to apply. I never open the school marketing envelop to read.</p>

29

<p>I loved helping my son with this. He picked out a couple of guides (Fiske and Insiders) with a teacher's input, Dec of junior year. I, the research assistant took his criteria (geeky, not Greeky, low sports orientation, high quirk factor, small classes, students high in intellectual curiousity but low in pretentiousness) and flagged a bunch of schools with sticky notes. He read about those and chose where he wanted to visit. Anytime we heard of an interesting school, he'd read about it, but in the end he never varied from the original list. I told him he needed a safety or two that he really liked and these he applied to EA.</p>

<p>We had done a few ealier visits with an older cousin and I think this whetted DS's appetite. Starting in JR year was good for us. For others, starting earlier or later works out fine.</p>

30

<p>My daughter's interest coincided with her older brother's starting to look, which was when she was in eighth grade. He used to get upset at her and tell her to stop thinking about it, because she shouldn't be worrying about it so young. She didn't <em>really</em> get revved up until late in her freshman year, when she discovered that there are art colleges like Parsons, Otis, and Pratt. Now as a sophomore, she loves getting brochures and stuff from schools (we call these mailings "college p*rn") and has put considerable effort into planning her summers and art study to maximize her chances at the schools she's interested in. She's already window shopping for dorm room decor, and practically keeps a countdown calendar of days until she gets to go to college. </p>

<p>It helps that her charter high school school sends 100 percent of students to college and puts considerable effort into prepping students for that. As a result, they tour colleges every year and have weekly mentoring meetings to work on skills related to applying and succeeding with college. My daughter has had to be proactive, though, because the school is geared towards helping students get into more traditional schools, not art schools, so she has had to educate them on the skills <em>she</em> needs, like portfolio development more than SAT prep or AP Calculus.</p>

31

<p>I definitely got the ball rolling with my son. Mid-year in his junior year his best friend's mother gave me her Fiske Guide (her son is a year older and had settled his college plans by then with an ED decision), so I read about a number of places in Fiske. My son is also an athlete, so I did research online to find teams that were strong and would be a good fit for him. I also researched various financial aid policies, as that was a very big factor for us.</p>

<p>I took him to tour some schools when we were, for other reasons, in the vicinity. After seeing quite a variety of them, he tended to be drawn to smaller LAC and LAC-seeming type schools.</p>

<p>So with those criteria (size, financial aid, sports) combined with academic profile and his own stats, etc., we ended up with a list of about 20 schools that were possibilities. He would weigh-in on things when I wanted him to, and he'd read the profiles of the prospective schools in Fiske and talk about how they sounded to him, but that was about it.</p>

<p>He was extremely, extremely busy, and really didn't have the time or inclination to get deep into the whole college search thing. He also felt flexible, and that he could be quite happy in a number of places.</p>

<p>From the list we'd developed I made the decision as to which to visit -- all of them required a lot of travel, so I kept the list quite short.</p>

<p>After our visits, his coach meetings, and looking carefully at financial aid policies, there was one school that seemed to be the best overall option, but it was a really reachy (for everybody) school. He applied ED and got accepted, so as it turned out he never did apply to all the other great schools on his list. In retrospect I think the biggest problem with the list was that we needed a good, attractive, affordable safety where he would also have a good team -- and really never did find it. Fortunately, he didn't need it, but that was the biggest weakness of the process for us.</p>

<p>So, yeah, I was the college search engine. He was the laborer: keeping up his great grades, studying for tests, writing draft after draft of essays, meeting people, making phone calls, getting rec. letters, training hard in his sport, etc. It was an effective joint effort.</p>

32

<p>I started the ball rolling spring of junior year. My son didn't know anything about colleges.</p>

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<p>I initiated the search by suggesting a college tour after sophomore year, but asked D to research which schools she wanted to visit. We planned our driving trip around her list. Interesting that D attends a school not on her original list at all.</p>

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<p>I pushed S1 to have his apps done by Christmas break. He didn't visit the schools and went for orientation in August. S2 wanted to see his PSAT scores first, to pick good matches, and then we visited schools he was interested in for Sprng break Junior year. We made second visits to 2 of the 4 schools we visited. He was accepted to all 6 schools he applied to and picked his top choice. Then we visited a third time when he was accepted.
I think S2 process went better, but they are very different.</p>

35

<p>My daughter will only be brought to discussion of colleges kicking and screaming (she is now a HS junior).</p>

<p>Through my insistence, we have attended college info sessions, developed a list, and visited three college campuses. (The bruises I have received during this process are still healing.)</p>

<p>She is keen on the idea of leaving home for college -- actually going through the application process -- not so much.</p>

36

<p>Took d. on campus tour of a small LAC summer between sophomore and junior year, to get the ball rolling. It was "on the way" to something else we were doing, and it served to get things rolling. She liked the course offerings, and didn't like the rural location. </p>

<p>Served as a starting point of discussion. Fall of junior year, did a long weekend visiting a bunch of campuses, and again, helped her to get a feel for what might make her happy.</p>

<p>I'll be honest - I did a lot of the searching for colleges, helping her filter through all the info. There's just a lot of info out there. But she never "fell in love" with a specific school either, which actually was helpful - she ended up apply to a group of schools she would have been happy at. (Which made the final selection tougher, but hey, that's another story.)</p>

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<p>I haven't read all the posts, but my two cents:</p>

<p>Personally, I think sophomore year is early to be worrying about this. Even as a junior he will start out not caring. But IMO, early spring of jr. year is the tipping point. He's got to get involved by then. Then you have to lay it out for him, what the process is, how to think it through, what he is going to want to know in order to make his decision, and when he is going to want to get that info and how. Also, there are some great posts somewhere on this board about What you wish you had known, or what you would recommend to others starting the college search/application process.</p>

38

<p>Hi. This is the OP. </p>

<p>Well, I got the ball rolling. As one of my Mother's Day requests, (10th grade) son had to sit with me at the kitchen table and hear the most basic info about colleges and costs. 8th grade daughter also joined us (and of course she was a little more engaged than her brother.) ;)</p>

<p>Since all colleges look the same to him, this really was a basic talk. I covered..
Differences between LACs and Universities
Differences between in-Md, OOS, and private
Student characteristics at the top tier, second tier, etc.<br>
Different college sizes and their advantages/disadvantages
Costs, what we've saved, what it could cover, and how to find more $$ if nec.
His responsibilities in the search process
How we'll approach the app process (accepted at safeties early, then apply to reaches and matches)</p>

<p>Thank goodness, he asked questions and joked around about some goofy stuff. He didn't even balk when I told him we'll attend a "practice tour" at his cousin's college; a school near where we'll be vacationing this summer. (I think it helped when I assured him the tour was just for fun/practice and the school would not be a match.)</p>

<p>I think the talk went so well that I've even got the courage to report that I covered my topics with the help of a PowerPoint presentation. :P (Kids are used to that, they do them themselves all the time.)</p>

<p>It was easier than I thought, but I'm glad it's over.</p>

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<p>Way to go, OP! As you say, the ball is rolling now. You all have plenty of time to drop in on schools of different sizes and types that are local or that are near when you're travelling. These can be brief, fun visits where you just stroll around the campus and get an ice cream cone, just to get the "feel" of the place. Next year, if your son has friends, cousins, etc. at some colleges, overnight visits could be fun. The only reason to do an info session this early would be for your S to hear the admissions officer talk about the importance of GPA and the rigor of the coursework. They all talk about this and your S may hear it better from them than from you.</p>

40

<p>We got the ball rolling during jr year in hs by discussion the financial component of college. He had $76,000 in a college fund but had no idea of either it or the high cost of college. And we laid it on the line. He could apply to any college he wanted to but he would be responsible for paying his own tuition, books and spending money. Any balance would have to be paid for with merit scholarships, loans and job earnings. </p>

<p>He really took things to heart and began his college research process that jr year. Knowing that he wanted to study computer science and given that mom was one of the first coed grads of RPI, he knew about the Rensselaer Medal and had $60,000 in merit aid for one college wrapped up by jr year. This encouraged him to redouble his efforts in his college research process.</p>