Ya, agree totally with sseamom. I’ve raised my son alone since he was 4, but I still supported him applying to the best schools in his interest. We did talk about them being on a direct plane route, and all but one fit that criteria.
What amazingly selfish parents you have.
@8bagels, how do you know that? We only have one side of the story. Maybe OP’s parents think she’s not mature enough to go far away for college, or maybe she has medical issues (or maybe the parents do) and staying close would be better.
I have a friend whose very intelligent daughter conducted a nationwide search and picked her mother’s school 2000 miles from home. Disaster. Now she lives at home and commutes. I think if she would have picked the school about 1.5 hours away she could have been successful with more visits home, more visits from her family.
Sometimes parents really do know their children, their financial situation, their family needs better than strangers on the internet.
I agree with many others…college is your chance to become independent in a structured way.
You should think about what YOU want… I had one daughter that went to school 3.5 hours away and she came home for all holidays but that was it AND that is all I would expect. Also there were buses that would be able to get her close to home so if she had to get herself home it would be possible. My other daughter, who is more of a homebody, went to school an hour away and did visit home WHEN SHE WANTED.
Honestly it isn’t healthy if you have to plan your life around what you think your parents need…Empty nest parents often can join new activities (art class, tennis league, etc) to fill the time. They could sponsor an exchange student.
But it isn’t your responsibility now, or in the future, to be responsible for their emotional health.
Would you only live near them? Take a job near them? It shoudl be a factor but not THE factor.
Also, sometimes parents have personality disorders like narcissism where they want to control your life…so if you think that is the case then moving away is definitely the thing you need to do.
We don’t know how serious the parents are about her staying so close to home.
And OP only told us her choice is a “uni I like.” For all we know, it’s an unreasonable dream school, a crazy reach, and the local colleges are a better match. Or the dream isn’t affordable. OP hasn’t applied, hasn’t set out any stats or accomplishments, and needs to fill in some blanks here,
You have a great opportunity here to develop ways to be close to your parents without being physically close to them, and this could be really liberating for all of you as you get older. At some point, you may want/need to take a job that’s farther away, or travel, or whatever, and if you can all get the mechanics worked out sooner, rather than later, that’d be great. Phone, text, Skype, e-mail – none is the same as being there, but they all work. Remember, you won’t love each other less because of the distance, so figuring out how to express your love and be in touch when you’re farther away is a good thing.
3hrs is fairly close to home. You could make that commute in a day if you really wanted to. You’ll appreciate the space, and maybe your parents will too! It’s very considerate for you to think about them, but you have to spread your wings.
@twoinanddone - I know it because of my amazing powers of reading comprehension:
From the original post:
“I just keep imagining when I’m gone, they’re gonna be really lonely and the house would be quiet. My mom thinks that as well and thats why she wants me to still be at the house.”
For a parent to say that to a kid who wants to go away to college is unbelievably selfish.
My mom can be really selfish at times, it’s the way she is. She didn’t even come to my birthday dinner because “she wasn’t hungry” so it was just me and my dad which made me sad :/.
It’s my mom that has the problem, my dad wants me to be close too but he’s fine either way and doesn’t make that big of a deal of it.
Anyways to clarify,
I don’t have any medical issues, a normal high school student. My parents are from the Philippines and moved to America around when I was born, if that makes a difference. They went to nursing colleges and lived with their parents throughout college. I think maybe they’re not accustomed to the big change of me leaving for college since they were always around their parents.
The University I want to go to is UT at Austin, I want to go there because it has great academics,they have a nursing major/program and lots of people, activities, and things to do. It’s slightly expensive so I will for sure sign up for scholarships, financial aid. I think I have a good chance in getting admitted since Im top 6% of my class, 3.9 GPA etc but my mom doubts me saying stuff like “Are you really sure you could get admitted?” or “We’ll see if you actually can.”
Honestly I do need to take some space between me and my parents because I can’t rely on them forever and they can’t expect me to be always by their side. The colleges my parents want me to go to are small nursing colleges close by and I feel like I won’t get that typical college experience there. I want to have fun as well, be around a lot of people, go to sporting events, join clubs/activities, and have the option to explore different majors if nursing isn’t working with me…
For various reasons we felt our daughter (starting as a freshman in the fall) should be close to home and were clear about that opinion, but it was because of her needs more than our own (at least consciously!). When she decided her top choice was a school 6 hrs away (car or train), we asked that she make the trip to admitted students’ day on her own. To be honest, I thought that would nix the option and she would attend a closer school, about 40 min. away. But she did it, loved the school (again), and came back home more certain that before, and we’re supporting that decision. She’s our youngest of two and we’ll miss her terribly (as we do her sister!) but parents have a way of balancing the empty nest with the deep satisfaction of knowing our kids will be fine. That’s the whole point 
It may make a difference if expectations of young people in the Philippines are different from those in America.
I wonder whether we have other people from the Philippines here who could contribute to this thread.
As the mom of an only child I can understand them on some level, but also…if everything else is equal and the school you have chosen is in budget, then you should not feel guilty at all about going away to school.
I may FEEL the same way as your parents i.e. I’m going to miss the heck out of our daughter but ohmyword I would never TELL her that repeatedly! It sounds like you recognize that it is a bit over the top for her to be telling you this and honestly it should make you feel even more that it is the right thing to do to go away now. Your staying in town will not change her selfishness…it will only make it worse.
Regarding UT Austin: at the risk of sounding like a broken record and since you mentioned cost and the need for scholarships, have you and your parents had the budget talk? You are not likely to get any merit aid from there. What is your EFC and what is your family’s budget?
Edited also: you mentioned your culture. I am around that culture a lot for work and it seems to be very expectant on the part of the parents for the daughter especially to feel she is obligated to be a companion and care for the parents as they age. Is this the impression you get also?
Is your dad going to intercede on your behalf if push comes to shove? My SIL is Phillipina, and I have to say, when it comes to home and family, her word is pretty much law.
BlueSmell,
Your parents will be able to handle whatever they need to handle. Do not worry about them! Unless they have some serious health issues, you need to focus on yourself now. You will have to go thru great adjustments at college in many ways, including academics. Make them happy by focusing on what needs to be done in YOUR near future to have a great success at college. If you do, that will be the greatest gift that your parents can have from you, it will erase any negativity. This should be your biggest motivation at college!
We were left behind when our D. went to college. Yes, it was depressing and both of us and our D. loved when she visited. But she does not have much time any more, sometime working 80 hours / week. So, we found many interests to get engaged in after work and your parents should do the same. Being active in dealing with your own well being is the only way to be happy. Well, all adults know that, we have lived our lives, we know what makes us happy and how to pursue it.
@bluesmell, my mother reacted emotionally one time when I expressed an interest to move across the country. She had three words: “No. Too Far.” I was the youngest and last to leave home. I gently pointed out that she left her parents and home country (China) and moved halfway around the world. (Of course, this works best if, in fact, your mother left her parents in the Philippines.)
My parents have enough money for my education, they’ve told me they saved up for a 4 year plan. They’re both nurses so they have good income. However, they do like to save money and don’t want to waste it. My mom thinks going to UT is a waste of money if I could just go to a nursing college closer to home.
When we moved to America, my mom brought along her parents and they lived with us for 15 years until they retired. I never noticed till now that my mom cared for her parents for a REALLY long time. Even to this day, she calls them daily and talks to them for 2 hours. So yeah maybe she expects me to take of them in the future just like she did…
Something really bad happened today.
My dad and I are planning to go to a campus visit soon and when my mom found out she freaked. She went on rant on how I shouldn’t be majoring in nursing there when there’s nursing colleges so close. Her only argument is that it is so far away! It really frustrated me so I stood up to her and told her my reasons but she still didn’t listen to me.
Then she told me this
“We’re not paying for you’re education if you’re going to UT. Just take out student loans.” I started crying because I thought she would support me. That’s what parents do is to support their child and whatever decisions they make. There’s nothing wrong with UT, its a great school! But I guess 3 hours is too far for her.
The good news is that my dad is on my side and told me “I will support you, just try to sign up for financial aid and scholarships and I will help.” My mom got mad at him for supporting me and was like “Why are you on her side? Why are you giving in to what she wants?”
I’m just so heartbroken and having really bad thoughts right now. I don’t know what to do to make her change her mind.
I’m so sorry that happened today 
This should be such a happy time for you and she is letting her own issues get in the way. Have you sat her down while she is calm and talked of concrete, specific ways you plan to stay in touch and see her steadily while you are in school?
UT @ $27,000 a year is still a LOT on two nurses income. They are making a max of 90-100K combined unless they are in management or working a lot of overtime.
I’m so sorry your mother thinks that letting you go to the college of your choice, assuming they can afford it, is “giving in to what you want” when it is YOUR life. I see that like many uninformed parents, your mother also thinks that students can “just get loans” for any amount if they just refuse to pay.
Would it help to sit down with them in a calm moment and simply talk about finances? With our D, we set an amount-the cost of going to one of our excellent state flagships-and said that anything above that would need to come from merit aid, scholarships, etc. D had schools in mind that did cost more, and she did apply for scholarships and did apply for FA. With the combo and a summer job, she is well under our base requirement. Can you work with your parents to assure them that you’ll be able to cover above their base, but explain-with websites in necessary, that students can only borrow a certain amount in loans?
I’m sorry your mother is making this all about her. That is not how parents should act, unless they want to drive their child away.