I go to a large state school 2.5 hours away from home. I really don’t like my school but am pushing through academically this year before considering transferring for my sophomore year. I have moved rooms three times so far (unforeseen roommate issues) and this have no friends here (please don’t lecture me about this and what I can do and getting involved, I get lectured enough and it’s not the point right now). I want to come home every weekend. I do not have class Friday and always have a three day weekend. My sister (who’s older and understandably prefers to hang with her friends than with lonely me) has a car here making it easy for me to go home for the weekend. The only thing holding me back is my parents won’t let me come home every weekend. They say I’m missing out of college but the thing is I’m so so unhappy here I would just rather be home where I’m happy and not alone and feel loved when I don’t have classes. I have a 4.0 so it’s not like coming home is ruining my academics. I know they say I need to stay and make friends but I just moved rooms again and people aren’t that welcoming at this point in the year and everyone had their groups. I just am so unhappy here and cry so much I feel very hopeless and my only escapes are coming home on the weekends. I just don’t see why they can’t let me come home if I feel I need to. (Ps I have been struggling with some mental illnesses so far this year). How can I get them to let me come home this weekend? Plz don’t lecture me anymore about how I need to stay and “get the experience” Any friendly advice is really appreciated, I’m really having a hard time
Here’s the thing…right now, you’re going home every weekend and, as you stated, you’ve changed roommates 3 times and you haven’t had a chance to make friends there…if you had stayed some of the weekends, would you have settled in better? It’s hard to know but I sort of see where your parents are coming from. And one thought: You might consider picking up a fri/sat/sun job on campus/in the town…it’d be a great way to make cash.
Question for you: Where are you thinking of transferring to? I don’t mean to tell us the name of the school but how far away is it from your home and what are your beliefs that it will be a better fit?
I’m sorry that your experience so far has been rough. I will do my best not to lecture you. This is part of adjusting to adult life. Freshman year will be the hardest. You are most likely taking several generic general Ed classes. Once you hit more focused courses for your major, you will likely find your “tribe”. There is a group of people out there that think like you and have similar interests. That is the way it worked for my S14 who will graduate this Spring. I don’t know how I would handle the same situation with my children. Do you take the tough love approach that your parents appear to be using? I suggest a negotiation with them. Be reasonable, let them know you feel it will help. Make a short term “trial” agreement with them (a month, 90 days, whatever works). FYI - you will have to deal with this again when you graduate, so any success now will help.
Why not compromise and go home less often? You’ll feel welcomed when you are there. traveling 5 hours every weekend is a lot, and it’s also wear and tear on the car, on you, on your parents worrying about you driving in bad weather.
I you have all that extra time, why don’t you get a job? That would help with transfer application fees and keep you busy on weekends.
I get where they are coming from but I really can’t handle being here. I’m so shy I know my chances of making friends now are slim though I do try to talk to people. Weekends are my only escape from school which is taking a serious emotional toll on me, my parents even said I need psychological help to deal with this. I know I have to grow up but going home on weekends are all I have keeping me sane
@girlygirldancer, your school has a counseling office. It can really help. Make an appointment!
OP, thinking a bit more about this…i really believe that if you had less time, you would feel better…and I would say this to anybody who’s feeling anxious about fitting in at their new school…a job can be a great distraction and it literally gives you something to do. Is there a work/study application site at your school? I ask because my kid didn’t qualify for the financial aid at her college but she found out that after the first semester, pretty much anyone can apply for these jobs…and she’s had one now for 2 years…10 to 15 hours a week. I really think you’d feel better…plus you would be richer!
My parents never let me come home except holidays/school breaks, and I was only 30 minutes away. They said I wouldn’t settle in socially otherwise. And they weren’t wrong. And I can see 1 roommate problem. But when you have moved rooms that many times, you need to look in the mirror at your own flexibikty and resilience (or lack of it). Stop going home and start volunteering, get a part time job, etc. Live with the roommates you have now. Your parents are right.
My daughter had a boyfriend from HS. She would visit him on the weekends…partially because she had no friends at school. But she had no friends at school partially because was never there on the weekends.
Later on, she ended up breaking up with him. Guess what? She found friends.