My mom and dad are pulling me out of college because they caught me vaping. I’m 19 years old, and yes, I know it’s dumb, but I swore on my life to never do it again. They are really serious about pulling me out of college because of vaping, which is bad, but is perfectly legal if you think about it.
I just can’t believe i got accepted into the college of my dreams for this. This is heartbreaking.
What should I do? Is there any way I could take out a loan myself?
It’s perfectly legal, but so is not paying for your child’s college.
My guess is that you were aware of their stance and chose to take a chance on not getting caught.
Would you and your parents consider a gap semester where you could prove to them that you mean what you say?
If this was a condition of your parents paying for college…you took a BIG risk…and lost.
Only you and your parents can reconcile this situation.
In terms of loans…you can only take the federally funded loans in your name…and that is assuming you submitted a FAFSA form. For anything additional, you will need a cosigner…and that would be your parents.
Why would they do that? Doesn’t seem like the punishment fits the crime. How are your grades?
I’m sorry, but I think there has to be more to this story than just being caught vaping one time. Although it’s vile (if you could hear my kids talk about kids who vape- well you may not have ever started), vaping is legal if you are over age 18. I can’t imagine a parent being so short-sighted as to pull their child out of college over vaping alone. This a life-altering decision that may put a financial burden on the parents and student for a lifetime. How are your grades? Have you been caught vaping before? Are your parents pulling you out of school with the option of attending a local cc to monitor you?
My parents are very strict. Vaping is the only bad thing I’ve done, and they’ve only caught me doing it one time. They want me to attend a community college nearby, but I don’t think vaping should be justifiable for not paying for college anymore.
Grades are decent, not great, but not terrible. 3.0 average
And no, this wasn’t a specific condition… it came out of nowhere.
Let them calm down a bit then have an adult discussion, no whining and no complaining about it’s unfair.
While you are home for the winter break, get up early to help out with chores around the house, hang out with your parents, and just be pleasant.
Good luck.
I made it very clear to my kids that if either got a tattoo, my financial contributions to college would be over. You can call it irrational, but it was my right to set conditions for them to receive my money. It either had enough money to get a tattoo, she could have paid for a book or some tuition or a sorority bill.
It’s your parents’ money, they can spent it how they want. They see you wasting your money on vaping, so probably feel you don’t need their money since you have so much of your own.
I am a very strict parent as well.
When my kids were in middle school, I heard of an acquaintance, whose daughter wanted to smoke because all of her friends were doing it.
Given that the parents were “academics” they proposed that she write up a PowerPoint presentation, on the pros and cons of smoking. The daughter was upset, but she was also a pistol, set up to prove her parents wrong. She ended up presenting it, and the thing that made her NOT want to start smoking . . . . her hair. She didn’t want her hair to stink. Priorities.
Anyway, back to your issue: yes, you are an adult.
Yes, it’s legal.
Yes, it’s legal that they don’t have to pay for your college.
Yes, you knew they are very strict, so WHY would you start something that you know they hate?
Do your own PowerPoint on why you need to stay at your college.
Add how vaping affects your health.
Add the chores you will continue.
They want you at your CC so they can keep an eye on you because they don’t trust you.
…Were you vaping…anything they might be extra upset about?
I sympathize with the OP. I am not a strict parent of adult children. We were strict when they were younger (like 14). Throughout high school we let them take an increasing amount of responsibility for their lives. At 18, we are totally hands off. We were full pay parents for college. We didn’t need to see their grades, although the auto insurance company needed them for the good student discount. We just rooted for them. They are both PhD students now living in different cities. They are adults in every way and seem great. They figure things out.
I can’t see any benefit to being strict with adult children. I mean how are they supposed to learn how to run their own lives. Exactly when will the training wheels come off.
OP, tell us a little about your financial situation, and what you are willing to do. Would you consider working and going to school part-time? Also see if this will blow over with your parents. It seems excessively harsh.
My parents died of smoking related diseases (lung cancer, COPD). I think I would want to do the same things as your parents. It would make me so mad. I might think “I am paying tens of thousands of dollars on you and you are deliberately endangering your health?” Why am i bothering?
I think threatening to stop funding college just shows how strongly they feel about it. If you feel strongly about vaping, pay for your own college.
So aren’t you already 1/2 way through your sophomore year? Are they pulling you out as of the Spring semester? A community college would only get you another semester or so. Then what? What is the long term plan?
If they have already paid the bill for spring, it’s not clear that they can force you to withdraw.
I don’t agree with your parents, but I certainly agree that they have the right to do this. Starting a bad habit can be every bit as damaging to a person’s future as not getting a decent education. More people die of smoking-related diseases than of having only a high school diploma, after all.
Seems a little absurd but I’m a parent who believes if I’m paying, I make the rules. I like the Power Point idea and you have nothing to lose, better get started on it.
I think it’s short-sighted of your parents to pull you out only for vaping - especially since this was not a condition put in place before being caught. But it is their money and they can do what they please with it. I think your best bet is to follow the advice of the previous posters and get that Powerpoint done.
We don’t know what the conditions were but I suspect the OP did know his parents wouldn’t approve. He said he ws ‘caught’ doing this perfectly legal adult activity. Why would he need to hide it from his parents and get ‘caught’ if his parents couldn’t prevent him from doing this activity? Well, it seems they could do something, and they have.