<p>my money is on a NorCal resident, and the 'rents want her to be in short driving distance, and are just using Cal’s higher ranking as an excuse.</p>
<p>That being said, OP, if you have a strong interest in one area of science as a possible major, look up the PhD rankings…it might just be for that one major, UCLA is ranked higher. (That will call the parents on their own decision requirement; however, they are unlikely to change their mind.)</p>
<p>Threads like this are fairly common here, where the parent uses the power of the purse to control the student’s choice of college and/or major. Given how expensive college has become and how financial aid works, the parents typically have complete power in this situation (even though almost all of the consequences (good or bad) accrue to the student), unless the student gains a full ride merit scholarship somewhere that s/he wants to go.</p>
<p>I don’t think many here approve of this parental behavior (especially since they let you apply to and visit UCLA), but at least they are not making you turn down UCLA for a school like Bob Jones, or forcing you to attend a school that will put you in much more debt.</p>
<p>Regarding biology majors, note that biology is a broad field, and it is entirely possible that one school or another has strength or weakness in a particular subarea that general rankings and reputations do not capture.</p>
<p>What do you do? Well you go to Berkeley. You have not been given a choice.I assume there is no talking to anyone who would write a letter like that. </p>
<p>Fortunately, you can have any kind of social life there you want, except being a weekend beach bum. There is pretty much every kind of person there. You have the many joys of the Bay Area to discover. You can be glad that you had such great choice. </p>
<p>I would have a scorched earth response to this if it were me. I’d go to college, return as little as acceptable, keep my business to myself and wait until graduation to cut them out of my life and would never forgive such a thing. I do not think they have any right to expect a cordial relationship with that approach. You may feel differently. </p>
<p>Wow, I disagree with the scorched earth policy. 30 years ago my parents pulled the “money” card after paying a lot more for my older (male) siblings and encouraging them to apply to more prestigious schools, even though I had higher standardized test scores than either of them. I certainly could have chosen to cut them out of my life, but honestly that would have been a terrible decision. You don’t know the full story here from the side of the parents, either. Such a horrible hardship to have to attend Berkeley (<em>sob</em>). </p>
<p>I think the OP should go with an open mind and assess how she feels at midpoint of her sophomore year. If she truly is unhappy, she could discuss transferring with her parents. But if she gives it an honest chance, my guess is she will find it to be a stimulating and fascinating place to get a college education. It isn’t like she wants an LAC environment instead; she is choosing between two large state universities, and can’t give a single academic reason why UCLA is better in that respect. I wouldn’t handle the final communication the way her parents have, but I am also guessing they have already told her this verbally and felt she was not getting/accepting their message.</p>
<p>Make the most logical case you can for UCLA, barely mentioning preferring the atmosphere and feeling like it is a good fit. Convince them with logic; clearly emotion isn’t working. If you can’t do that, it sounds like realistically you will be going to Berkeley, which is a good school, obviously. Good luck.</p>
<p>"'my money is on a NorCal resident, and the 'rents want her to be in short driving distance, and are just using Cal’s higher ranking as an excuse.""</p>
<p>this is what I’m thinking as well. If they are from NorCal, they would likely prefer their D to be within a shorter drive distance so that she can come home occasionally. Once you’re more than 4-5 hours away, it’s a big ordeal to come home for a weekend…especially if she wont have a car on campus.</p>
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<p>I’m likewise sure this kind of thing is pretty common here on this board. But the means for the parents is suspicious. The OP said she is living at home. I didn’t see “I’m living at home now, but was I away when they sent me the email.”</p>
<p>(And I realize we’re trying play psychologist and analyze all persons involved here, which I’m sure we all like, which has led so many people to respond.)</p>
<p>But, if she were at home all along, why would the parents exhibit passive-aggressive behavior as someone correctly pointed out previously: passive, by sending their daughter an email, as if they were afraid of confrontation with her; aggressive, by putting down their feet, laying down an ultimatum - you will go to Cal if you want your education paid? Also, she’s obviously pretty smart as she was accepted to “all the UC’s.”</p>
<p>The parents have no reason to lay down the law with their daughter and simultaneously feel they have to do so backing into their authority. They could have perhaps even mollified the situation by speaking to her face to face. </p>
<p>Tonight my mom sir’d for me to Cal. I realize that now I have no choice but to attend Berkeley. I appreciate everyone’s responses and I will make the best of my college years there. Although I am very upset I know that I can overcome my frustration. I love my parents and I know they want the best for me so I will not “cut them off” after I graduate. I believe in fate so I guess I’m supposed to be at Berkeley and I will learn to love it. I’m laying in bed wearing my UCLA sweatshirt. I guess it’s time for me to take it off. </p>
<p>"“my mom sir’d me to Cal”</p>
<p>wow…I do hope that you will be living on campus and immerse yourself in study groups and clubs so that you can have some aspects of your life that you can control. </p>
<p>If you suspect that your parents/mom will be the type to call a lot or visit a lot, then it may be best from
the get-go, to let your parents think that you are busy, busy, busy with homework, study-groups, lab work, etc, to head off that sort of thing. </p>
<p>That is so lame from your mom. She did not respect you as a person. Never give your parents a password again.</p>
<p>I still think all who willingly participated in this thread thinking it was a live situation have probably been taken on a very long bus ride. ;)</p>
<ol>
<li><p>The lack of specifics. </p></li>
<li><p>The odd email of parents exhibiting passive-aggression; misspelling Berkeley in what should seemingly more self-aware, ie, “intelligent” parents, especially with their notation and usage of ‘best public university,’ and ‘tech center,’ but yet aware in another way to recognize and implement the usage of ‘Cal.’ The sets of people who use Berkeley/UCB are usually an academic set, and are entirely different than those who use Cal, or typically sports fans. </p></li>
<li><p>OP’s applying to and being accepted to ‘all’ UC’s, when strong UCLA or Cal prospective stats would eliminate at least a few of the nine. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>Okay, I’m done playing psychologist.</p>
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<p>Well, I think you can still withdraw your SIR by contacting Berkeley. If you did that, you could submit it to UCLA. However, I’d only do that if you’re fairly confident that your parents are bluffing. Would they really not pay for the education of their child if she went to a university that was not of their choosing?</p>
<p>FWIW, Berkeley is a great school. You are in no way doing yourself a disservice by going to school there. You might be doing yourself a disservice by not going to a university where your fit is the best though.</p>
<p>I don’t understand why you think my posts are not real… I’m going through a rough time and I am confused about your need to doubt my sincerity. My dad wrote the email and I was especially unhappy when he spelled Berkeley incorrectly- it just showed me how little research they have done. I’m moving on now. Thanks for everyone’s feedback. </p>
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<p>However, after you graduate (i.e. after they no longer have financial leverage over what you do), you need to become independent of them in mind. Otherwise, they may continue to try to control you in other ways, such as trying to choose your job, post-graduate education if any, spouse, etc… This does not mean cutting them off, but just making it clear to them that your life is yours, not theirs.</p>
<p>UCB…you may be right, but I think this is a case of immigrant parents who have folks back home who know Berkeley, but not UCLA.</p>
<p>I dont think this is a fake thread.</p>
<p>as for being accepted to all UCs…that may be true…or she meant that she was accepted to all that she applied to.</p>
<p>^^^ Spot on. You don’t have to cut then out of your life. You just need to cut them out of your personal decisions. Easier said than done in some cultures.</p>
<p>I agree with @drax12. I think we’ve been had.</p>
<p>drax, no need to be a dick. The world is full of people who act illogically and irrationally, especially when it comes to their children’s futures. I don’t find anything about OP’s situation hard to believe. </p>
<p>OP, I’m really sorry about what happened and especially how it played out. You don’t have to confirm, but I had the same thought as mom2collegekids – that your parents may possibly be immigrants who place way too much emphasis on strict rankings and think that if a school is a few spots behind another school in the USNWR rankings, it clearly must be inferior. </p>
<p>However, I agree with the others – I think you can learn to love Cal. It’s true that the campuses are really not that different. As an anecdote, I know someone who attended UCLA (graduated about 5 years ago) who found it to be incredibly competitive and lacking in social life. Especially with such a big campus, I sometimes think that just visiting a campus may give you a skewed idea of what it’s like. So try to feel more positive about Cal – and if you’re planning on grad school, maybe UCLA could still be in your future!</p>
<p>Trolls usually continue to escalate and stir the pot, I don’t see this poster doing that. Doesn’t smell like a ■■■■■ to me. But @dustypig, no need for name calling, either.</p>
<p>My apologies. But I would rather be called a dick than be accused of lying. Anyway, the situations aren’t comparable. If someone thinks the OP is making it all up, the solution is simple – don’t reply, don’t read the thread. But if the OP is sincere, then saying “I think you’re making it all up” is just gratuitously insulting someone who’s already upset and sad. </p>