I’m a senior wildlife biology major, and I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I came to the realization around this time last year that I’d lost my passion for my major, and that I’m burnt out on school (been struggling through college since 2012). My GPA has been dropping steadily and I barely scraped by that semester. In the Spring of this year I had a severe mental breakdown and had to drop out for the semester. That started a MAJOR fight with my parents; me graduating college is everything to them and they didn’t want me to drop out forever and become “a loser”. My little sister three years younger than me has already graduated with honors, but I’m still here struggling and failing. I’ve let them push me and push me in different directions since the start of my college career, and I’m growing sick of it. But what am I to do? They control everything I have, and always brush off my mental health struggles with generalizations insinuations that I’m just being weak and giving up. They’re not afraid to bring up how much money I’m costing them to stay in college, either.
I just… don’t feel anything in my major. There’s no excitement to learn anything new or to do fieldwork, only exhaustion and severe annoyance with everyone else’s enthusiasm. I struggle with mental illnesses and ADHD (registered with my school’s ODS but their accommodations are useless for me), so I have trouble even phoning it in to skate by. I’m at the point in this major where the only thing keeping my classmates enrolled in these incredibly demanding courses is their passion. I’ve been to therapy, and I’ve tried relentlessly to figure out what made me passionate in the first place, but I can’t find it. I like animals, but that’s about it. I don’t even know what I want to do after I graduate, and yes, I have been to career counseling. Without passion, I’m just going to fail my courses. I want so badly to just take a year off and maybe try to finish with a lesser degree at a community college later on, but this is my last year I’m eligible for financial aid. I can’t pay to keep attending school without it. If I fail, it’s the same outcome. I’m disappointing everyone around me no matter what I do. I’m so overwhelmed and scared to make any sort of decision. Both my personal therapist AND the school therapist both told me I would benefit from taking a year off. I told my parents this, and it started a fight where they insulted me and the therapists, and pretty much said I was blowing things out of proportion and making excuses.
I’m just so lost. I feel like I’m out of options and all I can do is keep struggling till I fail out in shame.
You continue with therapy. Maybe start anti-depressants, if you haven’t already. There are many, find the right one with a psychiatrist, they are enormously helpful. Forget your sister. You are you, not her. Are you actually failing your classes? Or are you doing things on your timetable, and that’s why your parents are upset? If you can, tune them out. Get the degree, they will be appeased.
You have one year to go. ANY degree is better than no degree. A degree is for life. Honestly, it would be great if we all felt passionately about everything in life, but that isn’t always practical. Someday soon, you will be on your own, with a job and bills to pay. Trust me, it’s going to be a LOT easier to do that with some cash in your pocket. So just get the degree, for now.
You need to try your very hardest to think practically. You will lose FA soon, so you must see your academic advisor at school, go to counseling at school, get extra help with your prof, go to the tutoring center, and do everything you can to get through this year. The whole idea that you must be passionate about something, right now, while still young, is very idealized. I didn’t find my “passion” until about 5 years ago, and I am in my 50’s now. That doesn’t mean I was unhappy. It just meant that I did a lot of things I didn’t care about for a while, but I still had a good life.
It took me six years to get my degree. I had no plan after graduation. I didn’t really utilize my degree until the last ten years, but thank goodness I had it, because without it I would not do what I do now. There’s no rule about what age you are when you find what you enjoy doing. Some people never will, but that doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy life. But at least, with your degree, you will be paid a decent salary. You will graduate and get a job. You don’t have to immediately do your dream job. Your dream job might be years away. Get the degree, and continue getting therapy. You will feel a thousand times better if you can finish this year.
You don’t need to be passionate about your major…you just need to be passionate about graduating.
Just be cause you graduate as with an XYZ major, doesn’t mean that you have to work in that field.
Also since you have mental health concerns, I would look closely that this lack of passion for the major isn’t just depression. Have you been evaluated by a doctor for possible medication?
Yes, I was diagnosed about 7 months ago with bipolar II, and have been on medication for it since then. The medication worked wonderfully when I wasn’t in school. I was simply working a job and tending to my hobbies. The added stress of school has been triggering my manic-depressive swings majorly. I am seeing a counselor for it, but they can only do so much when I don’t have time for the self-care I need.
Do your parents live close enough where coming to a couple sessions with your therapist and you be a viable option? Together, with therapist guidance, you may be able to come up with a viable plan that meets all of your needs.
I suggest finding another therapist. You will have stressors all of your life, and you need a therapist who will help you learn how to manage things that cause stress. I strongly advise you not to quite college. You need to take care yourself, but you also need to get through the stress in a constructive way. I love the quote “be brave for one minute.” Add another minute, and get through it a day at a time. You’ve come this far already, so you are capable of doing it. Clearly, if you had great success with meds, and have very quickly been overwhelmed by the stress of being back at college, you still need help improving your coping skills. Ask specifically, next time you see the counselor, how you can lessen stress.
When I am feeling stressed about how much I have to do, etc…, I find it very helpful to make a list and prioritize things that must be done, working down to things that don’t have to be done right away. I realize that it isn’t so difficult to get the “must-do” items completed, and it’s a relief. Make choices that benefit you, and don’t dwell on if you are making your parents happy. You should get a degree for you, not for them.
Many students find college to be hard work, and succeed despite all kinds of issues. Realize that it isn’t supposed to be easy, and be proud of how much you have already accomplished. Set yourself a goal of two week increments, or two days, or whatever you find manageable. Reward yourself whenever you reach that goal. You have already come this far, and you are nearly done. Keep going, and claim your reward. You can do it.