Hi @sopranomtmom. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think our Ds are both sophomores (grade 10 as we call it up here). My heart goes out to you. Not that I don’t feel for your daughter, but I think the kids cope much better than we do. SHE WILL BE O.K. Their hearts get broken a bit, and they learn from it. They revaluate their friendships and form new ones. How else would they learn what the meaning of true friendship is? We think it is crucial for them to learn how to do laundry before they go away to college, isn’t it crucial for them to recognise which friendships are worth nurturing (this is the speech I give myself while lying awake worrying about my D’s social live :)).
Yes @AlphaScorpii she is just finishing up her sophomore year, so still two years of high school left which makes this even harder because right now she feels like she is facing the prospect of finishing high school with no real friends. I know that won’t be the case, but it’s hard to convince her of that at the moment!
My D has totally lived this this year. Thank goodness most of the problem girls are graduating this year.
I think these kinds of things are the emotional growing pains - for kids AND parents - in this field, or really in any field where there is a tremendous amount of competition. It’s easy to take the high road when you or your kid is always the winner, which is probably a lot if not most of our kids before they start college. But learning to deal with rejection is what separates the kids who have a chance of surviving from those who will not. Learning to congratulate a peer when they win and you lose is hard and requires commitment to the “sport” and all that goes with it - even if the situation feels “unfair” and that person seems to have “won” because of favoritism, seniority, that mom does the costuming for all the shows or is having an affair with the director (it happens), or the kid had lucky breaks because of a stagemom who doesn’t have to work and took them to professional auditions, or wealth that allowed them to go to fabulous expensive summer programs, etc., etc. or a million other reasons other than pure talent that just hasn’t been available to the other kids. The business is full of inequities, and learning to accept them with some grace is part of the survival process. But of course there are some kids who are not mature enough to be happy for peers who clearly have the talent and work ethic to be deserving of what they get. This speaks to their own insecurities and disappointments, and I agree with those who say this sort of thing diminishes tremendously when the kids go to college (and college auditions) or to professional camps or other humbling situations where EVERYONE is uber-talented.