This will probably help a lot of people, myself included.
Any tips for the personal statements? (i.e. how one should answer the prompts, tips with actually writing it, etc.)
I feel for you guys. I struggled so much writing my statements as I am not a good writer (my writing tends to be bloated and pedantic).
When I first began, I would come up a “good” topic, start to develop it, only to find it inadequate at some point, and then eventually discarding it for a “better” topic. It was a vicious cycle of getting nothing done.
What eventually worked for me was developing multiple PS concurrently and then picking the best of the bunch. It got the nit-picking monkey off my back and took off the pressure of having to write “perfect” statements. It also helped in that switching from topic to topic helped me to identify where I could be clearer in each one.
IMO, the best part was that the leftover statements that I didn’t use were easily recycled and submitted to scholarship applications so, in the end, there was no wasted effort. I really wish I did that from the get-go and save few hundred brain cells in the process.
I’ll be back to check in here, could definitely use any help possible. I’m an English tutor so last year around this time I had to deal with quite a few students wanting help with personal statements but this time around I’m a bit worried for myself lol.
^^^^ I agree with @SDGoldenBear
This is why it’s good to start really early. I’ve found that picking a few topics of focus for the essay and then writing multiple ones, taking time to refine them, edit them, show them around to other people, and then choose one to go with to send to UC’s.
Also, I wanted to initially talk about my depression in one of my essays but found that it sounded too sob-story like. I showed it to someone and they said that if I want to talk about mental health problems from the past to not go on and on about them so much, and to write about the person I became after overcoming them and to not make my past mental health problems the star of the essay. I know i’ve seen others who have asked around CC if writing about mental health is a bad thing and the answer is yes and no.
I just wrote it all in one take. It was pretty simple.
As an individual who considers himself fairly good at writing, I find it difficult (especially the general prompt). Talking about one’s self isn’t easy. And I find the dynamics of the PS especially weird (i.e. it’s good to talk about overcoming hardships, but one can’t talk about hardship too much or it reflects negatively, and other similar issues).
It’s definitely not the most important part of the application, be we all still want to do the best we can.
@boxandwhiskers I think that talking about depression would be good, if you talk about how you’ve overcome it, or at least have done well in spite of it.
Alright. Question. I’m on the first prompt. For reference:
“What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field — such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities — and what you have gained from your involvement.”
Should we be as straightforward with it as possible? I can’t figure out any real way to answer it directly without being at least slightly convoluted.
“I intend to major in Philosophy. My interest in the subject began in…” etc. sounds somewhat dry, whereas…
“My interest for philosophy sparked after…” is a little more dynamic, it allows some room to play with it. I can talk about it chronologically sort of, explaining when my decision was solidified. Or is that irrelevant? Should I focus primarily on experience in the field (provided I have a good amount of it that I want to emphasize).
I would go with the second one, “My interest for philosophy sparked after…” just sounds more…interesting and dynamic? I think you should mention when and how your decision solidified and your experience in the field, especially if you have plenty to emphasize, and go into how it shaped you as a person and helped you grow into a person. Give examples.
I hate personal statements because I hate having to sell myself. But it’s good practice for the future, I guess.
My BIL showed me his personal statement, he got into UC Berkeley for EECS and it started off pretty much like “I intend to major in electrical engineering. My interest in the subject began…” and it was a little dry and boring to be honest, but he was accepted. Then again he had incredible GPA and stats, so I don’t know.
http://www.■■■■■■■■■■■■■/2014/08/how-to-write-the-uc-transfer-essay-why-this-major.html
This may help!
@goldencub I suggest you start with a story. You should always throw micro-stories in, only if it’s a line or two here or there. Basically you show (story) and tell (explain growth or motivation). Always go from point A to B by the end; in other words a situation (A) that leads to a result (B): growth, leadership, learning something new, mistake resolved, etc. Every action has a reaction. Essentially the UCs want to see B. Lots of times students forget about the resolution.
The first sentence is one of the most important sentences in the essay. It’s where you hook the reader. I would start your PS by telling a micro-story. Put the reader inside the event: “It was in fourth grade when I was looking at the constellation Orion that I realized I wanted to know what it all meant.” I wrote that fast but you get the gist.
From there on you talk about why you love philosophy. Maybe there’s another micro-story that reaffirms this. Then, of course, what you hope the future brings.
If a person is writing entirely about an event and how it changed them (say for prompt 2) consider the entire story – then start in the MIDDLE. Don’t belabor it point by point. Starting in the middle, or even the end and back-pedaling, is a nice hook that keeps the reader interested.
Also, as @boxandwhiskers noted, with a high GPA the essay is not so important - although a good one that ties in with major, career focus, and related ECs can help a lot with scholarships.
FYI, Berkeley, especially, loves multi discipline - not only shown by their superb interdisciplinary major, but also the Threads Program, which encourages students to combine selected courses from different disciplines that have the same thematic focus. If you research Berkeley enough, you see this multi-discipline focus is almost a guiding principle.
Philosophy is a perfect discipline to tie in astronomy, history, English, math, etc. I’m not saying bring all those majors up specifically, but think about ways your interest in philosophy also connects to a bigger picture.
Thank you for this thread! I definitely have a strong story going for me, but I have a really hard time writing about myself. Do most people follow the 750-Transfer Prompt/250-General Prompt word count? I went through some considerable hardships that I feel would make a more compelling answer to the general prompt, which would supplement a shorter transfer answer.
That being said, if anyone has any quick tips about how to write about a significant hardship (think family member with severe mental illness throughout childhood), I would appreciate it! There is so much to sift through on the internet and these forums!
@incogneato I just went to a UC Application workshop at my school hosted by someone from the transfer center at UC Berkeley and she talked to us about writing about personal hardships in the PS. I had always received conflicting information about it, that I should stay away from it, but yesterday the lady told me that that’s not necessarily true.
That if you’re going to write about a hardship in your life to not create so much a sob story about it, but talk about how it strengthened you and how it made you stronger, not so much about how terrible it was and how it made your life miserable. Focus on the empowerment, and the positive aspects of something that may have negatively affected your life at some point.
@boxandwhiskers 1) I like your username. 2) Thank you! I feel as though it’s especially pertinent since it’s what made me fall in love with Psychology in the first place, but it’s also a heavy topic. I definitely want to focus on the empowerment!
@boxandwhiskers That’s funny, I was there too. I was the person who asked a couple of questions in the back (not the architecture guy). Didn’t like how people asked so many questions about their own circumstances that had little pertinence to other people.
She really drilled home how one ought to be as clear as possible - so if you’re telling a story, give some clues as to where the story leads, don’t just force the reader to make a guess.
@incogneato I’m not sure. I feel that my general prompt will be stronger and more indicative of who I am than the transfer prompt. It’ll probably be 50/50, more or less.
I’m definitely going to make use of the additional comments box. I’ve had to juggle many things outside of academics/extracurriculars in the past year that I feel they should consider, but I don’t want to talk about any of it in the personal statement itself.
Tomorrow evening, from 5:00-6:30, UCB will be hosting a Transfer Personal Statement webinar (you’re allowed to ask questions, it’s very helpful). Sign up for it here: https://attendee.gotowebinar.com/register/5038701519681864962
Also, from last night’s webinar, they mentioned that, for applicants to UCB’s College of Natural Resources, the personal statement is weighed heavily in the decision.
@goldencub ahh that’s funny! I was wondering if you might be there. I was towards the front, asked about the importance of EC’s and if the app is asking us how many years after 12th we did our EC’s or if it’s asking how long we did it for.
She was helpful for the most part. The additional comments box clarification was also helpful. Same with the tip about the structure of what the prompts are actually asking.
She was kind of fighting the girl next to me about the communications/media studies major, it was kind of funny.
What it also reminded me was that with the PS, you should talk about what your future goal is with your degree. Where did you come from, and where do you want to go with a degree in _____.
@boxandwhiskers Ah, yeah. That was funny (and involves much of what I disliked - personal questions, i.e. “if I should include this specific EC despite insert personal reasoning here”, etc. should not have been asked, because they certainly aren’t significant to everybody - I wish she had more time to talk about the PS, but she covered it well). The app’s structure is pretty awful. I don’t know why they ask if it was after high school, rather than how long it was for.
She was helpful, definitely. I went to Cal’s Transfer Shadow Day event, organized by her, about a year ago. She’s good.
I’m not sure I’d do 750/250. They say that’s the very minimum split you should use for them to get a sense of you. Maybe aim more for 600/400 or 650/350.
@goldencub “She really drilled home how one ought to be as clear as possible - so if you’re telling a story, give some clues as to where the story leads, don’t just force the reader to make a guess.”
That’s what I’ve heard as well, to make sure there’s some sort of resolution or closure to the story.
I just got back from a personal statement workshop at CCSF and the representative from Davis who was running it gave us this link on tips for the personal statement. It’s pretty in-depth and looks really helpful.
http://blog.prepscholar.com/uc-personal-statement-application-essay
Ayy I’m glad I (came back and) read through some of the replies in this thread. Thanks y’all.