Hello all! I have a question about deciding between 2 schools for Fall admission. They each have pros/cons and it looks like the parents/son are siding up on opposing camps. I won’t reveal which side is which. The choices are UMass Amherst (Microbiology/BioChemistry) or Virginia Tech (General Eng.) VT is OOS and UMass Amherst is IS. The parents are paying and are neutral on the cost difference between the two schools. DS doesn’t really know what he wants to study in college but likes and is very good at math/science. He has talked about pre-med. There is no guarantee that he will stick with his accepted major at either school.
Here is my question: If the parents don’t agree with the son’s inclination who has the final say? I know this might sound simple but it isn’t. Both sides have persuasive arguments for their position. Father is strongly in favor of one choice, mother weakly in favor and son seems inclined to the opposite.
This sounds like a better question for the Parent’s forum, because it really isn’t a V Tech issue. I think if the parents are truly neutral about the funds, and I doubt that because who wants to pay more, then it should be up to the kid. Many kids would like to get a little farther away from home and have a chance to feel on their own. But many kis dismiss their own instate schools for trivial reasons, like ‘everyone goes there’.
I very much feel that the Parent can attend if they are so committed to a certain school. I think the student should have some autonomy in deciding what will suit them best. Unless it is a situation where the financials don’t make sense, or there is some drastic mistake in judgement being made (and no there isn’t as there aren’t radically different schools with radically different outcomes), why shouldn’t the student have their own choices and preferences? I personally can’t stand controlling people.
@SQBrit I feel for you. I had a similar situation with DS2 last year. I was strongly in the VT camp for the a few reasons such as: 4th Generation Legacy, his brother is finishing VT in May, VT higher ranked Biology program, variety of majors if he changed his mind, price was the same. He decided he wanted the other school because it wasn’t where all his family went so he would be doing something “different”, they accepted him straight up vs wait-listing then accepting (can you say spiteful) and he loved the area/feel as much as VT. I thought many of those reasons were pretty shallow, but in the end let him decide. He picked the other school, has now changed majors to Geology and continues to love and thrive in his Freshman year. I guess my point is, if price is not an issue, I would consider letting him decide. Let this be the first of his many big decisions in life. Both sound like great choices, so there is not a right answer thankfully. Hang in there, best of luck.
@bboop42 - At the previous poster’s suggestion, I posted this question on the parent’s forum board. The responses mostly mirrored yours, though there were a few comments along the lines of, “why would you let him apply to a school that you had reservations about”. I thought that was pretty silly - every kid applies to a school that seems right at the time and how many parents stand in front of the computer blocking them? The real issue raises itself when it is directly compared to another school.
My son is a complex mix of insecurity/bravado - he’s a middle child. Each school appeals to one side. As parents we are coming from our own viewpoint coming from our experiences and understanding of our child. As you said, they are both great choices, and as a good friend said, “it’s all good”. I very much appreciate your input!
@Brownparent - I take your points well - Father is not attending the school. “Controlling people?” that’s a bit extreme. No one would ever describe me and husband as “controlling”. No Tiger Mom here!
If cost is truly not an issue, then let him go where he wants. Neither school is bad or should be avoided. He is most likely to thrive where he feels most comfortable and that his parents fully support his decision.
If cost is an issue, then make clear that it is an issue. That’s OKAY. It’s not a condemnation of anyone’s hopes or preferences, it’s just dealing with financial reality.
So I’m curious whether the debate is between the two schools or whether it is mainly between the two majors? If the debate is just about which college to attend I’d say go for the cheaper one and save the money for grad school or medical school.