Hello all! I have a philosophical question about deciding between 2 schools for Fall admission. They each have pros/cons and it looks like the parents/son are siding up on opposing camps. I won’t reveal which side is which. The choices are UMass Amherst (Microbiology/BioChemistry) or Virginia Tech (General Eng.) VT is OOS and UMass Amherst is IS. The parents are paying and are neutral on cost between the two schools. DS doesn’t really know what he wants to study in college but likes and is very good at math/science. He has talked about pre-med. There is no guarantee that he will stick with his accepted major at either school.
Here is my question: If the parents don’t agree with the son’s inclination who has the final say? I know this might sound simple but it isn’t. Both sides have persuasive arguments for their position. Father is strongly in favor of one choice, mother weakly in favor and son seems inclined to the opposite.
When my son started at a private HS the first thing his school said to all the parents was that if it wasn’t the student’s choice to be there that it would be bad for the student, the school and the parents.
If parents are neutral on cost…the student should have final say (there would have to be a very strong argument in my mind for the parent to override it.)
If cost isn’t an issue the kid should have the decision. That said, the parents can certainly make their case. I stayed out of my kids’ decision making because I didn’t want to be blamed if it didn’t turn out! In both cases I thought the last two colleges standing were both very tempting.
Our D1 had 4 choices each affordable, some more than others. She had the final decision. We approved of her decision. It was our favorite as well. One school that would have been essentially a free ride she did not like, we made her apply but had to agree her decision was sound. She did have a school she applied to but was not accepted at that we would have required her to make a strong argument for if she had been. Mom and I were happy that wasn’t an issue.
If cost is not an issue, I think the choice should be the student’s.
But in this case, I notice that the student has been accepted into two very different programs at the two colleges. Engineering is more structured than microbiology/biochemistry. If the student started in the biology-type program at UMass and wanted to transfer into engineering, it would be difficult. If the student started in the engineering program at VT and wanted to transfer into a biology program of some sort, it would be relatively easy (especially if the student has planned his program in a way that would satisfy the premedical requirements, which are very similar to the prerequisites for a biology major at most colleges).
Both schools have strong science and engineering programs and would provide an excellent education. I would imagine that UMass is significantly cheaper due to IS status. They are both large state schools and have a similar feel. The locations are certainly very different. VT is in a very rural location and a very long drive from Mass, that might be positive or negative depending on the relationship between the parents and their son, the son may want some physical distance so he will feel more independent.
If money is an issue for the family, I think that the parents should perhaps have more weight in the decision from a financial standpoint, since they probably have to foot most of the bill. I would hope that had already been discussed as a family beforehand, and that a realistic family contribution has already been decided and both schools are within reach financially.
Every parent wants to tell their child that they can attend whatever school they wish to no matter the price tag, but that is not realistic for most families. Maybe there are underlying financials concerns that the parents don’t really wish to discuss with their son, especially when the 2 schools on table are so similar.
I graduated from UMass back in the dinosaur days and really loved my 4 years there. I lived on campus about 45 minutes away from my family. I was far enough away that I could do my own thing. I would visit home perhaps once every 6 weeks, bring home my laundry, enjoy a home cooked meal. It was the best of both worlds for me.
In our family, once cost was not an issue, we let the KID decide. The kid is going to college, not either of the parents. Since you say the parents don’t have an issue with the finances at either school…let the student choose.
Why is this an issue now? If the parent was strongly opposed to any school, why was the student allowed to apply there?
If cost were not a factor, the main reason I might have an issue is if one school was significantly inferior to the other, which is why I have steered my kids away from applying to schools that just weren’t good enough.
Yes, the feasability of changing major at each school needs to be considered by the student and parents.
Even if changing major is not restricted by GPA or competitive admissions into the new major or some such, the student who is not completely decided needs to choose courses to work toward both majors until the decision is made.
My sister-in-law disagreed with her daughter’s choice of school – but respected the decision. Daughter was extremely happy where she matriculated, enjoying a challenging academic experience and an enriching social life.
There comes a time when you have to trust your kid’s instincts.
The choice should be the child’s unless the location of VT is an issue. I can understand the parents objecting to VT if the student isn’t really sure about engineering, is iffy about the school and the program, has other issues which might make a big party school that is far away an issue (and yes, I realize the parents could be pushing VT because they really want the student to be an engineer).
Sometimes the parents can see a problem the student doesn’t. I strongly pushed certain housing decisions but let them decide in the end. Of course, I was right >:D<
If parents would not be happy having their child at a certain school, they should not let them apply. That’s how my parents handled it, that’s how we handled things for older D and will do it with younger D. If cost is not an issue, the student should choose.
I wanted to major in a very specific major not found at many schools when I was applying. There was a college dedicated to that major-pharmacy-less than an hour from home. My father, a pharmacist, insisted I not apply there in case I changed my mind on a career, which I did, having always been a humanities kid. Going to a large public U saved me from having to change schools when I changed majors. Since your son is likely to change his major, I’d at least suggest he look over other majors at his potential choices to make sure he can change without too much of a problem or having to transfer.
If the “playing field” is level, then it’s the kid’s decision. Ours wasn’t since cost was an issue but we came to a good agreement and all of us are happy with the decision.