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<p>There’s also the factor of having to accept living with “interesting” and noisy inconsiderate neighbors. </p>
<p>Had that experience when living in my very first post-college apartment after college in what was then a dumpy part of Boston because I had insufficient credit history. And I had a roommate with that first apartment. </p>
<p>A night light is the kind of thing roommates could negotiate IMHO, but not the overhead light. Again, everyone should offer compassion, but that doesn’t necessarily mean accommodating this kind of request.</p>
<p>Re the box toileter: seems that the unfortunate student found an accommodation of a sort, but failed to think it through. S/he could have taken a page out of the dog owners’ manual, and put the boxes in plastic bags for discreet disposal in outdoor garbage cans. Or, if the father was coming to pick up the boxes once a week, why not buy the student a large airtight cooler to store them in? Sounds like there was some deep disturbance there. Very sad.</p>
<p>If a nightlight isn’t enough for someone, they need a single. I don’t think it is at all reasonable to expect a roommate to wear a sleep mask. If they are willing, I guess it’s okay, but I think it is something a person should work to overcome. It is possible. The tv problem is easily solved with headphones, unless it is going to cast a lot of light, in which case a laptop or tablet facing aways from the other sleeper should work.</p>
<p>Sounds like the shower person saw Psycho one too many times. (Which for me was once. 
) Take baths. Or shower at busy times when people are coming and going.</p>
<p>For guys, how hard would it be to find single-occupant restrooms on campus? Or do they have a problem pissing in to urinals as well?</p>
<p>What will he do once he joins the workforce? Not too many single-occupant restrooms in most office buildings.</p>
<p>BTW, getting use to mutiple-occupancy restrooms may be part of the growing-up process. I remember really not wanting to sit on toilets that I wasn’t familiar with as a kid (and I’m still not fond of it), but it’s something worth getting use to (and certainly not worth rejecting large merit money over, unless you’re filthy rich and just don’t care).</p>
<p>At orientation, we were told there could be roommate ‘issues’ that the school could not reveal because of HIIPA laws or other privacy laws. For example, they couldn’t tell you if your future roommate had a service dog (nor could you request such a roommate because my daughter would be all over that!). If you couldn’t accept that living condition, they move you but YOU have to move, not the roommate. They try to work out all the problems, and many school do match after a ‘computer dating’ type questionnaire (do you smoke? do you listen to music when you study? early or late person?) but they can’t guarantee that the matching will work.</p>
<p>One of my daughter’s has her own room in a suite. I see the benefit, but it is very expensive; a traditional double in a traditional dorm is $2000/yr cheaper than the suite. Other daughter is in a traditional room, but has no roommate assigned yet (moves in Tues). They said she’ll get assigned a roommate within the first month - probably one of those kids who couldn’t get along with her first roommate assignment! Great.</p>
<p>Alas, in my experience one is not supposed to interact with a service dog. Very frustrating for us dog lovers. (Maybe that only applies when they are working, I’m not sure.)</p>
<p>I would have loved a roommate with a service dog, even if I couldn’t pet him! Just living with the dog would be enough 
; )</p>
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Hardly means she’ll get someone difficult to live with. Look on the bright side. </p>
<p><a href=“Maybe%20that%20only%20applies%20when%20they%20are%20working,%20I’m%20not%20sure.”>quote</a>
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Generally, so. </p>
<p>It depends on the dog and their person.
Generally both of you should look toward their owner for permission to interact.
Some schools do have a lot of dogs on campus.
Some profs bring their dogs, most don’t.
Students don’t usually, unless they are service animals.</p>
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Generally, yes. However, it’s a good idea to ask the owner first.</p>
<p>There’s a lot of evidence linking nocturnal exposure to light to risk of breast cancer. I don’t think even a night light is reasonable to expect of a roommate who doesn’t want that. An overhead light is clearly completely unreasonable and students with this sort of need shouldn’t have roommates. Or maybe they should get this phobia treated.</p>
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<p>Also shows how perceptions can change even within 20 years. </p>
<p>During my college years in the mid-late '90s, a first-year college student…especially a male one wouldn’t get much sympathy for that phobia. </p>
<p>At the very least, he/she’d be told to “grow up” and “get over it” by other first-year students and local RA. Staff may be a bit more sympathetic, but they’re still likely to feel such a phobia is something one should have gotten over by 8-10 years of age.</p>
<p>D had guy at school who had service dog (blind). When he let dog off harness, he could run around and play with students, but not when working. D had guy in class and dog would stretch out in center of room and sleep during class.</p>
<p>On subject of light I think there could possibly be some compromise - you can get use to a lot of things and it pays to learn to be flexible. Younger D has had several summer jobs where housing had outdoor or main road light that made it hard to be super dark - she adjusted. By the time I was half way through freshman year, my roommate could blow dry her hair in the room and I didn’t wake up. If roommate could handle night light by her bed, then other roommate should be able to adjust. Thing is it’s hard to tell who’s being unreasonable without hearing both sides. I know someone who was moaning about her D’s horrible roommate and how her D couldn’t get any sleep. Turns out this girl wanted lights out and quiet at 10 pm - to me that’s a little early in college - and friend insisted that D couldn’t sleep if roommate was on computer but room otherwise dark.</p>
<p>Communication is key. Things like lights and bedtimes and visitors, etc should be covered in roommate agreements at beginning of year. But not showering alone or health issues are a little much. </p>
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<p>Some people are light sleepers who cannot adjust to noise above a certain threshold. For instance, I lived half a block away from an elevated subway line which ran 24/7 for 1 year in HS. I ended up not being able to adjust and I did the metaphorical happy dance when my family moved out and I vowed to never live that close to an elevated subway/train line which ran 24/7 again. </p>
<p>Other people may have far lower thresholds for noise and expecting them to make do would mean effectively subjecting them to involuntary sleep deprivation. Something which is detrimental to one’s health. </p>
<p>Also, while 10 pm is early, there are a few students who need an unusually long period of sleep to function at their best the following morning, especially if they have early morning classes. One younger college friend needed at least 9.5-10 hours of sleep each night or he’ll be cranky and sometimes be so drowsy it seemed like he had too much to drink. To get ready for his early morning classes, it meant the latest he could stay awake was 10:30 - 11 pm. </p>
<p>And that’s not getting to the extreme case of another friend who had some medical condition which meant he had to have absolute silence after 7-8 pm in his living space. I believe the college accommodated him by giving him a single in a dorm with 24/7 quiet hours policy at his college. </p>
<p>Where did she get the supply of boxes? Cereal boxes? Shoe boxes?</p>
<p>In previous generations it wasn’t unusual for kids to share a bedroom so learned how to “live” in shared space. With the up-sizing of America that doesn’t happen for many kids. In some cases kids don’t even share a bathroom. I think kids need to take those roommate questionnaires seriously - if they are messy kids, if they have phobias, if they need lights out at 10…mismatched roommates probably would happen less often if kids were more honest. The problem would arise when a kid simply doesn’t know he’s on the outer edges of the bell curve…the kid with the box - those parents have their heads in the sand. A therapist could probably salvage that box kid. </p>
<p>My freshman roommate had problems with public restrooms. Very difficult time going (#2 only) when others were around. She explained this to me. There were no single bathrooms in the dorm–just the one big bathroom down the hall. She usually would try to go to the restroom in the afternoon when others were in class, and she would be in there a long time.
I had never heard of such a thing before, but now I know this isn’t that unusual. Few people like public restrooms, but in those days these types of issues weren’t considered as “phobias” or “handicaps” to be accommodated. The person was just told to “grow up, deal with it, get over it. . .”
I think it is unreasonable for a college student to be afraid of the dark. Just sleep in the dark a few nights and see that nothing bad happens. Roommate does it, you can too! Get a little nightlight to wean yourself into it. I don’t want to seem “mean” (I guess I am) but if my freshman roommate said she was afraid of the dark, I would probably laugh. And wonder, does she still suck her thumb, too? I think it is reasonable for a 4 yo, but really silly for an 18 yo. If the person is truly freaking out about sleeping in the dark due to past abuse/trauma, he/she needs therapy/medication. I think it is the parents’ duty to help kids get over things like this before they go to college. </p>
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<p>Phobias don’t always work like that - they are treatable, but that doesn’t mean that they completely go away for everyone. Some people just deal with them and learn how to adjust.</p>
<p>No, I do not think that colleges should require students to disclose mental illnesses UNLESS they want the college to make a special accommodation, just like physical disabilities. Example: if you need a wheelchair-accessible entrance or a private bathroom because of Crohn’s disease, then you would need to disclose. But if you just had a limp or diabetes, you could manage it on your own. Similarly, with a mental disorder, if you need extra time on exams or something - you would need to disclose, but otherwise, that’s your business.</p>
<p>With that said, rules do need to be followed and college students need to be adults. If my roommate asked me to go to the shower with her every morning, I would politely decline or, if I were willing, say that I was available X days (that I also happened to be showering at the same time or leaving at the same time) but that she would have to make other arrangements other days. Wanting to sleep with the room light on isn’t just phobia-connected - that’s like any other roommate negotiation like leaving the TV on, locking the door, not touching each other’s clothes, etc. If you’re okay with it you’re fine; if you’re not, you negotiate boundaries and possibly bring in the RA if necessary.</p>
<p>Pooping in boxes in your dorm room is against the rules (single or no!) and at my university would’ve kicked that student out of housing (and we actually did have a student who did something similar - was urinating in bottles and keeping them in his room. It got so the entire floor smelled, and once the hall director found out they kicked him out of housing).</p>
<p>When I worked in res life our policy was that unless the other person was violating university rules or being physically threatening, the person with the problem/complaint moved. So if you had a problem with your roommate leaving the room light on all night, unfortunately you’d have to be the one to move to another space. You couldn’t kick them out involuntarily. I think most universities operate that way, since you can’t really kick people out of their own rooms.</p>
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<p>There are a few studies that showed various things that have to do with night-time are related to lower levels of melatonin, which may lead to an increased risk of breast cancer. The very few studies that examined breast cancer as an outcome in humans 1) looked specifically women who were typically awake and active during wee hours of the night, like graveyard shift workers, not women who slept through a night-light or even a fluorescent overhead light and 2) looked at the effects of *bright, fluorescent white lights<a href=“relevant%20for%20the%20overhead%20light%20but%20not%20a%20night%20light”>/i</a>. The increased risk in graveyard shift workers has also been linked to disrupted circadian rhythms, since your natural circadian rhythm seems to suppress breast cancer tissue growth. And even with that, the elevated risk is quite small - although I realize that any elevation might be unacceptable for some people.</p>
<p>Poops in boxes and father came once a week to cart them away??? Is this story for real?!?!?!</p>
<p>I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a student with a phobia that severe.
However, my best friend has had severe night terrors for years and years. Sometimes he can go months without one, other times he has them constantly. It’s random. He had a single from his freshman year. He doesn’t scream but he does run around and try to get out of the room. </p>
<p>I think a nightlight is totally reasonable. If you NEED total and complete darkness, get a mask. A nightlight is reasonable even if you have no fear of the dark. We always kept a very small light on in case one of us had to get up to go to the bathroom or something. </p>
<p>I think you should just use common sense. If you have some sort of issue (whatever that may be) that has a very good chance of disturbing a roommate, you should disclose it and possibly ask for a single. If you can’t poop in a bathroom, you need to live off campus or have a private bathroom. That’s a health hazard. </p>