<p>These are my UC personal statements.
I would love any feedback on them.
I'm over the word limit the essays (1000 words combined. Mine is 1,081 words and I have no idea where to shorten or cut)
Thank you!</p>
<p>Prompt 1: This one is 512 words.
Describe the world you come from for example, your family, community or school and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>
<p>A pair of big, brown eyes watches intently as the veterinarians begin to operate. Precise incisions are made and internal organs can be seen. Blood seeps out from the careful cuts. These images do not faze the young girl as she continues to watch in awe. The operation goes smoothly and everyone is able to relax. The girl sighs in relief as the words Emergency Vets flash upon a screen. She had been watching a show on television and she could not wait for the commercial to be over. This brown eyed girl was me, a girl that has grown to be fascinated by the animal kingdom. </p>
<p>I grew up watching hours of programs on Animal Planet which always had something interesting to watch. There were shows that were fun and immersed you into the world of animals, and then there were the shows that ripped your heart out. Animal Cops: San Francisco taught me about animal cruelty. The first time I watched the show, I couldnt believe that something so coldhearted was happening in the city that I grew up in. And not only in one city, but it was happening all over the world. I began to wonder how anyone could treat animals in such a manner, but I was glad that someone was there to help. The veterinarians and officers became my heroes. And I decided that I wanted to be like them helping animals in any way that I could. </p>
<p>That brought me to where I am now: volunteering at the San Francisco SPCA. Every week, I spend hours upon hours doing something that I love. A new experience awaits me every week I return to the adoption center. I once had the chance to work with an incredibly sweet, blind dog named Milton. Due to disease, both of his eyes had to be surgically removed. I was able to go on walks with him, making sure to pick a peaceful route and we cuddled up in the courtyard, showing him off to the public. Milton stayed at the adoption center for quite a while, but was finally adopted into the perfect family. Im glad to have worked with such an animal. Every time a new tail comes wagging up to greet me I cant help but smile. No matter what it is I do, I know that Im making a difference in the community. It fills me with joy seeing a dog get adopted; knowing that I helped in the process.</p>
<p>Aside from home and school, my world revolves around the adoption center. The opportunity to work with so many animals and people has opened my eyes to the way that humans treat animals. Not all can be saved, but my work at the SPCA has showed me that something is being done to help every single animal that comes through the doors. In the future, I intend to continue assisting people and their animals, and plan to study veterinary medicine to one day be like the veterinarians that I saw on television as a young girl.</p>
<p>Prompt 2: This one is 569 words.
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>
<p>Back in elementary school, I would stand atop a white, wooden stage singing along with the other students in choir. I remember watching the other students auditioning for solos in the upcoming performances. All the while, I sat at the back of the group; a shy girl that wanted to audition, but was too scared of others opinions of her. I loved singing and my friends gave me encouraging words, but I would never raise my hand to audition. That is, until the spring of fourth grade. I raised my hand for a two-line solo for one of the songs in the spring concert. I practiced those two lines over and over again, but when it came to the performance I stumbled over the first few words and sank back into my turtle shell. </p>
<p>I continued joining choir even after my horrible performance. I enjoyed singing too much to quit. Performances passed with solos that I really wanted, but would pass up because I had a feeling that the other students were better.
As I grew older, entering middle school, I began to grow more confident in my singing voice. Our choir teacher had recently stated a program called Dare to Perform for the middle school students. (I was in a K-8 school). I eagerly signed up to join. At the same time I joined a singing program at the Marsh Theater lead by the same teacher. The first few weeks of each of the programs were fun. We got to meet new people and started learning new songs. It was about the third week of the Marsh program when I learned we had to sing solos. Each performer had to pick a song to sing as a solo performance. I was being forced out of the turtle shell that I had been hiding in for so long. But it wasnt going to stop me. </p>
<p>I chose to sing The Sound of Music for my solo. It was a song that I was comfortable singing. I practiced that song every week until the performance. A repeat what had happened in elementary school wasnt going to happen. The day of the performance arrived and I was nervous. I got up on stage and sang as best as I could in front of all the parents and students. I had not messed up and all I could hear was clapping from the audience. Later, my choir teacher asked if I would like to sing again for the Dare to Perform performance. I automatically accepted the offer. I once again got up on stage. This time, I was in front of my classmates and teachers. The applause and cheers from them were amazing. </p>
<p>I realized that being on stage was one of the best feelings. I grew more confident in myself as a person and as a singer. My self-esteem rose; I would no longer be a turtle hiding inside her shell. I continued to audition for solos in Dare to Perform and even sang a song in the schools annual International Festival. I continued singing in my high school choir where I learned to deal with rejection. I cant always get the part that I want, and things dont always go smoothly. My time spent in choir has made me confident, hard-working, and independent. Ill never want the music to stop and Ill continue to hold my head high and sing.</p>