<p>Lying for personal gain or motives is never right, but deception is justified in some apt situations.</p>
<p>In the Mahabharata, the greatest ancient war of India, the righteous Pandavas were at war with their evil cousins, the Kauravas. It seemed unlikely that good would win over evil this time; the Kauravas were employing unfair advantages to the maximum. They werent playing fair they had a much larger and stronger army than the Pandavas, possessed weapons of greater strength, and had ferocious demons and giants at their command. They were evil to the extent of slaying helpless soldiers during the battle rest-time at night.</p>
<p>In short, if things continued as they were, the Pandavas would be doomed. Unless they played fire with fire, they would lose the war. Bheeshmapitama, the strongest and most skilled among the Kauravas warriors, posed the biggest threat to the Pandavas.
So they came up with a cunning strategy. They killed an elephant having the same name as Bheeshmapitamas son and then sent a messenger to inform him about his sons death. When he got the message, Bheeshmapitama grew suspicious since his son was a formidable warrior. The others assured him that the message was a ploy to weaken him emotionally; however, Bheeshmapitama had to be sure. </p>
<p>He turned to Yudhisthira, the eldest of the Pandava brothers, who always spoke the truth since he was the son of Dharma (God of Truth and Righteousness). Over the din of the battlefield, Yudhisthira replied Yes. Ashwathama, the elephant, is dead. But while enunciating the elephant, Yudhisthira deliberately lowered his volume a little so that he would not be heard. Bheeshmapitama was immediately stunned by the news of his sons death. Seizing the opportunity, the Pandavas felled him with a thousand arrows. </p>
<p>Had he not been slain, the Pandavas would have been defeated right in the early stages of the battle. They used subtle deception to avoid certain defeat at the hands of their malicious brethren. Clearly, deception was justified here.</p>
<p>Dude, as tempting as it is, don’t use examples from Indian mythology. </p>
<p>You need to utilize examples that the readers can connect with; the majority won’t care about myth (or even history) from India – unless it is extremely popular.</p>
<p>Now, first of all, your introduction is too short and too weak. -1 point.</p>
<p>Second, you’re missing a conclusion. -2 points</p>
<p>Next, you’re only using one, unconvincing example. -2 points.</p>
<p>Finally, your vocabulary. Too many “weird” words from mythology. Too few competent words from English. -1. </p>
<p>So, I can only give you a 6/12 … maybe 7 if you’re lucky. But if the reader turns out to be cranky, you could go as low as a 4/12.</p>
<p>"Finally, your vocabulary. Too many “weird” words from mythology. Too few competent words from English. -1. "</p>
<p>Which weird words from mythology have I used? And few competent words?! I’ve used the best words in context, following KISS (look it up on google) simplicity is the key.</p>
<p>Unconvincing example? Again, I doubt it.</p>
<p>And, I’ve given a conclusion, the main point of the essay was to show whether deception is ever justified, and I showed a case where it is. (I’ve seen such essays in CollegeBoard’s SAT guide WITH a single example as the main thesis)</p>
<p>I think you have a good, detailed example. However, you failed to analyze it clearly. Reading your essay gives me the feeling of reading the summary of a story. Also, your introduction looked weak to me.
I would score this essay 8..9</p>
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