<p>Hi, I'm knew here and I'm going to take the SAT for the first time in June. I hope I am not being rude, but I would like someones opinion on what they would grade my essay out of 12:</p>
<p>Is deception ever justified?</p>
<p>Deception is sometimes crucial in order to survive. Severals examples from literature and history firmly justify deception.
In the novel Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card, Ender a 6 year old genius-boy is brought up to space to start commanders school with the rest of the young prodigies of Earth. In commanders school they are trained to become the best commanders in order to defeat the evil Buggers, an alien species that is currently at war with the human race. Towards the end of his excessive training, Ender is challenged with a difficult game where he must destroy the Bugger Army. Ender managed to beat the game, little did he know that he was being deceived by his teachers; He was actually commanding real human army ships into battle against real Buggers. By taking advantage of how easily it was to deceive kids, Earth was saved and the enemy Buggers destroyed.
Another strong example where deception was used to save lives was in 1941 during the Holocaust. Jews were being murdered left and right in the concentration camp of Auschwitz. The only possible way to stay alive was to deceive the Nazis. Jews would go to the toilets and dive into piles of their own excrement, hiding out until the Allied Forces came and run over the concentration camp. Without the use of deception, death was inevitable.
After a clear analysis of Ender's Game and The Holocaust, one can see that deception is, indeed, justifiable. Without the use of deception thousands would not draw breath today. Honesty can not always save lives.</p>
<p>I know this isn't 12 work, but I am aiming for above a 8+ with this one. please let me know what you think</p>
<p>I’m extremely tired right now, but I would say this is a solid 8. Though your essay did answer the prompt, your intro and connection to the prompt was a bit ineffective. To improve your score, I would recommend staying focused on the task at hand rather than giving a monotonous background story for each book. Furthermore, your syntax and diction needs improvement.</p>
<p>I hope you take this criticism as a chance to improve. Good luck and keep writing.</p>
<p>P.S I admired your interest in science fiction.</p>
<p>Thanks. What do you mean the connection to the prompt was ineffective? And I feel if I didn’t give this background story on the book I would never fill up 2 page, i don’t understand how people manage to fill those 2 pages up in such short time!</p>
<p>You don’t need to fill up two pages, they’re just there. If you’re a concise writer, I don’t see the point in trying to write fluff – it serves no purpose, besides taking away from your argument.</p>
<p>Get to your point and address the prompt. That’s all.</p>
<p>@malaise, are you sure since in many places it says you should try to fill up as much space as you can or they will instantly deduct points from the 6</p>
<p>I’ve heard that too, but you don’t have to write more… just write bigger. :p</p>
<p>haha, thats funny i’ll try that. Any more opinion on my essay?</p>
<p>Quality is better than quantity. You are graded on how well you convey your position rather than the reputable examples or elaboration you go into. It is extremely possible for some [gifted] students to write a 12 essay with just 3 paragraphs. Secondly, your use of tenses was also the tipping point. Your use of “run over” is incorrect. Finally, what I meant by “ineffective” is:
- Your introduction is 2 sentences and just bluntly states your position.
- Your first example gives this huge backstory and then attempts to connect to the prompt and then you give this limited connection to the Holocaust that could be way better. I would recommend maybe a different 2nd example to improve this essay.</p>
<p>Yeah, actually i do have more examples from holocaust jews escaping death besides the toilet example… like when lining up against the walls waiting to be fired upon some would fall upon hearing the noise of the bang “pretending they were shot” hence deceiving the Germans into thinking they were dead. I should have probably added this example as well in the 3rd paragraph.</p>