<p>I just bought the rocket review prep guide and wrote the essay. Unfortunately, the automatic evaluation on rr's homepage won't work. Please take a look at my essay.</p>
<p>the topic:
What is your view of the idea that even our best plans are always at the mercy of unexpected, chance events?</p>
<p>my essay:</p>
<pre><code>It is impossible for us to always act as we planned it. Everything we do is circumscribed by nature and we cannot manipulate nature.
We know from history that Napoleon was a great commander. He was insightful and ingenious in planning how to subdue his antagonists. Napoleon has never been defeated until he came to Russia. He had already defeated most of his enemies when winter came and temperatures dropped immensely. This natural event could not be foreseen and thus, led to the thwart of Napoleon's well planned war. This clearly demonstrates that even the most diligently arranged things can be discomffited by nature.
Another example proving this theory can be depicted from construction sites. Engineers building a new edifice plan every detail meticulously and schedule it expediently. But even the best engineers when building the most expensive building can be thwarted by nature, for they cannot stop earthquakes, tornados, or other natural catastrophes. These natural occurences will always change our initial calculations.
In fact, no human is able to do everything as he or she planned to because environment and nature will always play an imperative role in our plans.
</code></pre>
<p>I can't attempt to actually grade it, unfortunately, since I just took my first test, but I can point out some things.</p>
<p>I'm sure that the readers are going to want to see more flowery introductions and conclusions. You need to have more than just a thesis statement in there.</p>
<p>And I don't think that would fill up both sheets. Everyone I've ever spoken to has strongly recommended completely filling the paper provided, even if you need to be sort of cheesy to do it.</p>
<p>Your examples are decent, but way underdeveloped. As a general rule you need to write a much longer essay if you want a better score. Also don't throw vocab words around unless you can use them properly. Antagonist fits where you put it, technically, but is almost never used in this context. Antagonist is usually used to describe a character in a work of literature.</p>
<p>Your introduction and conclusions need to be real paragraphs not just single sentences. Also watch your grammar, it is technically not graded, but it will bias your grader. Overall this essay shows little mastery and deserves a 2 or a 3 (From each grader total of 5).</p>
<p>I don't know what kind of score you are aiming for in the writing section, but I am sure that you can improve your writing, just make sure to develop your examples, and just write more.</p>
<p>PS. Sorry, but I am a tough grader But you have common errors that can be easily corrected so I'd like to think that I am helping you.</p>
<p>Sorry, but if Napoleon could not forsee the "natural event" of WINTER and it's COLD TEMPERATURES in RUSSIA, he was not insightful and ingenius---he was a bloody idiot. </p>
<p>That bit needs to be reworked. Anybody---Napoleon included---can predict winter. It comes right after autumn, every year.</p>