Please grade my essay

<p>Hi there,
I've just started to prepare for the SAT, and the essay below is my first response to an SAT prompt. I tried to follow the '80:20 rule' suggested here: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html&lt;/a>. However, my writing skills are insufficient to write that good, so you may find the essay quite lame and consisted of some grammatical mistakes I didn't notice, and I'm sorry about that :(.</p>

<p>The prompt is (the sample one in the Blue Book): Some people believe that there is only one foolproof plan, perfect solution, or correct interpretation. But nothing is ever that simple. For better or worse, for every so-called final answer there is another way of seeing things. There is always a “however”. Is there always another explanation or another point of view?</p>

<p>Response: </p>

<pre><code> It is certain that there would always be another explanation or another point of view for every single case because each solution has its benefits and drawbacks. Several examples from history, current events and business, such as Hitler’s infamy, North Korea’s nuclear bomb practice and Steve Jobs’ life, demonstrate clearly that another interpretation is always available.

As shown through Hitler’s infamous life, there is not only one correct point of view. As we all knew, Hitler was a fascism tyrant who incited the World War II throughout the world. In fact, people whose relatives sacrificed in the War would consider him as a callous killer of humanity. However, history writers have to acquiesce that Hitler was one of the most adept military leader of all time. In the World War II, there was a time Germany ruled most of Europe, annexing numerous countries into “the Giant Germany”. At the first period of the battle versus USSR, due to the powerful force and deft organizing skill of Hitler, Germany was in its shape towards its goal to defeat USSR, and would succeed but for the fortitude of Russians to fight back. Therefore, Hitler’s infamy showed lucidly as it could be interpreted disparately from two different points of view.

Another illustration of the availability of different points of view is the recent nuclear bomb practice of North Korea. According to North Korean’s leader, Kim Jong Un, the success of the testing bolsters the power of North Korean’s military force. As he declared publicly, this is a crucial step towards his goal of attacking North Korea’s so-called enemy, the US. However, reactions of countries over the world have been fears of a nuclear catastrophe in the future. As a reaction against the nuclear bomb testing, the United Nations is contemplating further sanctions towards antagonistic attitudes of North Korea as they are putting the world in jeopardy of nuclear weapons. Hence, the testing of North Korea case showed that a situation can be viewed from different angles, depending who is the judge.

Similarly, as demonstrated by Steve Jobs’s life, there is no single correct point of view towards actions such as dropping school. As many people believed, schools are essential for a successful career. People claimed that school dropout is a period to one’s life since one will not acquire enough knowledge, practice, research, etc to succeed in doing a great job later. In fact, research also proved that educated college students are more likely to get in “big” companies. However, Steve Jobs dropped out of Reed College only after one semester. Guess what? Steve founded Apple, Inc., which now becomes the leading company in the world with innovative, mind-changing and now prevailing electronic devices such as iPod, iPhone, iPad. Who can say that Steve Jobs is not successful? Thus, the school dropout, as supported by Steve Jobs’ case, illustrates a decision which has more than one perspective to consider.

After a careful analysis of Hitler’s infamy, North Korea’s recent bomb testing, and Steve Jobs’ school dropout decision, one can see that there is indeed always another explanation, another point of view to every single situation in life. Moreover, these points of view support and consummate the knowledge about the situation. Without additional interpretations, any single idea wouldn’t be enhanced nor correct.
</code></pre>

<p>Notice that I didn't wrote under timed condition (a little bit longer than in the actual test), so the essay is probably too long, I guess. By the way, how many words, approximately, a great SAT essay should have ?
I would very much appreciate your further suggestions for me to improve my writing skills. Thanks in advance :).</p>

<p>Anyone, please ? Please tell me what are my weaknesses and how I can improve them; or, just grade my essay, I appreciate your assessments very much :).</p>

<p>When you have something to say, say it as clearly and directly as you can. DON’T try to cram in big words and twisted sentences in the effort to appear intellectually impressive. All that does is to conceal your ideas behind a great deal of non-productive garbage. You are making the readers work harder to understand you when your effort should be to make it easier for them. Use the right words, not the big words.</p>

<p>Beyond that, you should look to the ideas you present. If you read SAT prep tutors, it is easy to get the impression that scoring well is some simple trick that involves copying a formulaic introduction followed by ‘canned’ examples that you can wedge the subject of the prompt into. The result of following that kind of advice is almost always mediocre writing and scores of 6 to 8. If you want to score above average, you will have to have something worthwhile to say about the topic. That means having a thesis that is supported and explained in depth. Don’t just present a single idea and then repeat that same idea three times with three examples. Each example should illustrate a new and different idea about your thesis. You actually take a minute or two to THINK about the prompt before you start to write. Which of the following looks better to you?</p>

<p>Here is my one idea about the prompt.</p>

<p>Here is the first example of my one idea about the prompt.</p>

<p>Here is the second example of my one idea about the prompt.</p>

<p>Here is the third example of my one idea about the prompt.</p>

<p>In summary, this, this and this are each an example of my one idea about the prompt.</p>

<p>Or this:</p>

<p>Here is my basic idea about the prompt.</p>

<p>In my first example, you can see two different reasons why I believe that basic idea is true.</p>

<p>In my second example, you can see three reasons why someone else might disagree with me.</p>

<p>In my final example, you can see two reasons why I believe that that person’s ideas should not affect your belief in my position.</p>

<p>In summary, I think I have proven my point and would go further to suggest that, if you believe as I do, you will achieve the following advantages. (List advantages in a single sentence.)</p>

<p>Note that the final outline is NOT intended to be a “template”. It is just an outline to suggest how the intellectual content of one essay might appear to a reader in contrast to another essay. I think you can see which one would get the higher score.</p>

<p>OK, I got it. I have the same idea with you that following a formulaic template is not writing. Thank you very much :).</p>

<p>Wood5440, I think you’re missing the point. You’re making the essay way too difficult when it really isn’t. If what you say is true, then graders would be grading the SAT essay subjectively. And we know what happens with subjectivity when it’s brought into something this big - law suits. Graders are looking at specific things and these templates ensure that you have everything you need.</p>

<p>Don’t believe everything your test prep tutor told you. The point of the SAT is to probe the upper limits of your abilities. That’s why so few students score 2400’s. Nobody at the College Board is trying to make the essay easy.</p>

<p>I quote from the scoring rubric used by SAT readers:</p>

<p>Score of 6
An essay in this category is outstanding, demonstrating clear and consistent mastery, although it may have a few minor errors. A typical essay:</p>

<pre><code> effectively and insightfully develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates outstanding critical thinking, using clearly appropriate examples, reasons and other evidence to support its position. etc.
</code></pre>

<p>If you think writing a 12 essay is a simple trick, it is you who is missing the point.</p>