SAT Essay - critique anyone?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hey, I tried my hand at my first SAT essay - big whoop - could anyone give me some feedback/ a grade?
Thanks!</p>

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<p>Is there always another explanation or point of view?</p>

<p>Nothing is every absolute. There are always shades of grey – no pure black or white. For every topic you hope to condemn, one can always find a redeeming value. </p>

<p>Harry S. Truman felt, during the Cold War, that the only way to stop the Japanese on their bitter, unrelenting attack was to drop the atom bomb on Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Only this way would they literally beat the Japanese into submission and surrender. According to Truman, they would never give up. The atom bomb was the only way to stop them before they killed millions more Americans. But historians might argue that, as the war progressed, and they slowly lost the battle, the Japanese might surrender, given a couple months.</p>

<p>Furthermore, it is widely believed that Hitler was born ‘evil’. That it was in his nature, his genes, to be ruthless, cruel, and destructive - that no matter what, he would have ended up a fanatic, and killed six million Jews. However, one must also look at a few minute defining factors which could have changed the fate of our world, and the course of History, dramatically. If he had been accepted at the art school in Vienna, might he have simply been a painter, feeding his turmoil and racist feeling onto sinister canvases and dark colored paints? If the German government had not handed him over the position of Chancellor, hoping to use him as a puppet, would he have remained a bitter politician? If no one had given into his propaganda and followed his anti-Semitist doctrines, would the Holocaust have occurred?</p>

<p>Literature, too gives us fine examples of ambiguous characters. The “evil”, dark figure, the perennial and ubiquitous “bad guy” – is he not simply a victim of his environment, the society? For example, in Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, Orlick, a journeyman who works in the forge with Joe, Pip’s surrogate father, is a violent, self-interested, perverted (he wants to rape young Biddy) murderer. But he is also an outcast, rejected by society and made to live alone. With no love, no companionship, and constant hatred and dislike directed at him by all that see him, is it any wonder he ended up that way?</p>

<p>Though many plans, subjects, and interpretations may seem absolute, nothing is as it seems. There is always a deeper, hidden layer beneath everything. And to understand life, it is underneath the obvious that we must seek.</p>

2

<p>I’d give you a low four. Here are my suggestions/random thoughts:</p>

<p>Make your intro longer. Have some kind of thesis sentence that sets up your examples. Your examples are all good choices, but the way that you used them could be improved. For your first example paragraph, you only talk about the opposing side for one sentence. Remember, you are ANSWERING THE PROMPT. Expand on the “shades of grey” that you mentioned in your intro in relation to this example. Relate the paragraph back to your thesis for your final sentence of the paragraph, don’t end so abruptly. Segue into your next example paragraph better. Remember your essay has a common thread that should be referenced back to often - YOUR THESIS! Try to avoid lots and lots of rhetorical questions in sequence. I like that you’re trying to sound profound in your closing but some of it is a little confusing, especially your last sentence. Careful - while its good to sound deep don’t overdo it so that you just seem like a faker.</p>

<p>Yeah. So. Your vocabulary and diction seems fine, try to throw in some more SAT style words in your intro when you expand it. That’s what the graders will see first. Overall you have a very good foundation going for you and you know how to pick good examples. You just need some fine tuning. Good luck!</p>

3

<p>And I meant four out of six. Or seven/eight out of twelve since it’s a low four.</p>

4

<p>Ok - thanks a lot for your advice!
So, for the intro, should I have put, for example: “Though things may seem absolute on the surface, there is always another side, a ‘however’.” ?</p>

<p>For your first example paragraph, you only talk about the opposing side for one sentence.
So would “Harry S. Truman felt, during the Cold War, that the only way to stop the Japanese on their bitter, unrelenting attack was to drop the atom bomb on Nagasaki and Hiroshima - whereas others believed that more pacifist methods (namely patience) would have been efficient and less destructive.”</p>

<p>Relate the paragraph back to your thesis for your final sentence of the paragraph, don’t end so abruptly. Segue into your next example paragraph better.
“But historians might argue that, as the war progressed, and they slowly lost the battle, the Japanese might surrender, given a couple months. Therefore, though the opinion on this blemish in our history books seems moot, it should still be subject to debate.”</p>

<p>I like that you’re trying to sound profound in your closing but some of it is a little confusing, especially your last sentence. Careful - while its good to sound deep don’t overdo it so that you just seem like a faker.
How about: "To find the true nature of things, and to get a balanced and complete vision of them, it is underneath the obvious that we must seek.</p>

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<p>Could anyone help answer my questions?</p>