Please grade my essay.

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>The prompt is "Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?" Here's my response reproduced verbatim (I noticed some spelling/grammar blunders). Thanks!</p>

<p>Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? In this age of instant communication and in the wake of the Bill Clinton scandal, this question has become more and more pertinent. Frequently, the effort to conceal results in negative consequences and people should make efforts to be forthright in all their dealings. The vast body of literature along with modern history provide a wealth of examples which attest to this assertion.</p>

<p>In Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables, the protagonist Jean Valjean, finds himself in a quandary when, after rescuing Marius from the barricade, Valjean is given the choice of whether or not to tell Marius. Valjean opts for the latter, and he is subsequently spurned by Marius. Further, the separation born of this development causes Cosette grief in that she is unable to see her “father” on a regular basis. As seen in this example, Valjean’s decision to hide his heroic actions led to negative consequences.</p>

<p>A further example in Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment illuminates the follies of hiding one’s feelings. Raskolnikov refuses to tell his family and closest friend about his murder of the pawnbroker. Consequently, his family becomes bereaved and his mother even becomes sick. His friend, Razamikhin, goes to bat for Raskolnikov with the police, claiming that Raskolnikov had nothing to do with the murder. He is subsequently shown to be incorrect, and thus, Raskolnikov’s decision bears negative results all around. Raskolnikov should have been truthful with his family and friend.</p>

<p>Finally, an example from modern history shows the importance of “coming clean” on certain matters. Senator Roland Burris was not completely forthright in his previous dealings with the Blagoyevitches. He didn’t disclosed that they had called him requesting furndraising support prior to his appointment. Now, he’s facing calls for resignation and claims that he perjured himself.</p>

<p>The aforementioned examples merely scratch the surface of the extant supporting evidence. As we’ve seen, the decision to hold bath truths frequently bodes ill for the doer. If anything, people should be more honest about their feelings and actions.</p>

2

<p>I think you answered the question well, and you use vocabulary well. Im not so sure I would write as flowery as you, but your essay proves your stance.</p>

<p>can you look at my essay
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/655304-rate-my-essay.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/655304-rate-my-essay.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

3

<p>8/12.</p>

<p>“Frequently, the effort to conceal results in negative consequences and people should make efforts to be forthright in all their dealings.”
what is this saying? How can effort result in negative people? I think I get what you mean, but the sentence is grammatically wrong. Especially for your thesis, you need to be clear and concise. </p>

<p>Your examples are very, very, underdeveloped. Your writing is very grandiloquent: you use big words without considering their connotative meanings. I’m not even sure you wrote the whole essay w/o using thesaurus.com… It’s good to use “SAT words,” but this is just excessive. </p>

<p>The essay also needs to be longer.</p>

4

<p>I think it’s pretty good, though obviously you should try to proofread those little mistakes you noticed out of it. You have a good command of vocabulary without it sounding forced. I think your final paragraph is a bit weak. I think you’d get at least a 10. Given the way the question is worded I think you might make it clearer you are disagreeing with the premise that people aren’t private enough.</p>