<p>Topic: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?</p>
<pre><code>"Privacy is not optional, it is necessary" - said Jakob de Maskivik, a renowned social activist living in twentieth century. While honesty is ostensibly compulsory for people to understand each other, there are still many facts that need to be kept private, and people should make efforts to do it. The lie of Tate in " To kill a mocking bird" by Harper Lee is an unambiguous example. Likewise, the boy living in forest in "Up and high" by Henry Hateway also proves this possition. Finally, the story of Severus Snape from Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling portrays a lie that gives a lot of benefits.
The first example is in "To kill a mocking bird", a well-known writing by Harper Lee. Mr. Tate tells a lie to prevent Radley from being accused of being a killer. That lie not only saves Radley but also strengthen the friendship between Radley and his little friend's family. In other words, if Tate blames Radley for killing Ewell, his honesty might depress Radley and Scout's belief.
The boy named Henry in "Up and high" by Henry Hateway is another strong proof. When he meets a strange but benign man chased by policemen, he tells lie to distract those policemen. Due to his sayings, that strange man is saved. Luckily and unexpectedly, he finds out that strange man is his lost father. In that case, keeping his father privacy gives Henry a lot of surprising benefits.
The final instance is the lies of Severus Snape in Harry Potter series. He hides his identity to be a spy in Voldermort's army. His goal pays a high price but it also helps him get prodigiously invaluable information from Voldermort. Keeping hist work private is importance, and he did it actually well.
All of above illustrations support the idea that people had better secure important information privately. Although being honest is necessary, sometimes telling lie to keep some things private gives you more advantages.
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<p>I would give ur essay a 5 or 6 as it is not related the question. U are talking about something else not privacy. U need to find strong examples that support ur essay not those very weak examples. You need to improve drastically in the essay so u can get well in the writing section</p>
<p>3/6 (Remember, essay scorers can only score out of 6, so to score out of 12 would be inaccurate measure)</p>
<p>Your first essay is strong, your examples are weak, almost non-related. I would suggest reading examples of high scoring essays to get a better idea of how to flesh out examples, and tie them back to your main point. You can also tweak your examples in your favor if you are having trouble arguing your point.</p>
<p>Also, just as a point of reference: Drastically has a negative connotation. If you want to improve something positively, I would suggest to take do it dramatically. =X</p>
<p>I’m sorry, your vocab was not used correctly and your points weren’t proven all they way and you didn’t really debate the subject. 6-7. Still pretty decent though!
btw you didn’t really answer the question.</p>
<p>Mmmm 3 or 4. You might get to the 4 because I liked your into quote and your examples even though you dont deploy them well.</p>
<p>First of all you have to realize that a Lie isnt the same things as Privacy. The prompt asked if somethings should be kept private but you are mostly addressing if it is ok to lie. You are a little OT from the prompt.</p>
<p>Secondly the focus of the thesis should be on the “Should” of the prompt. You should be giving specific arguments about why a policy of personal circumspection would be a good idea. Not just that it worked out well in one case. </p>
<p>You also have some English issues- book titles need to be capitalized! Some of your phrases are awkward, like “Due to his sayings”.</p>