Can someone please grade my essay?

<p>Hello!</p>

<p>I'm not sure if I'm doing this right- could someone please grade me out of 12? The online collegeboard test gave me a 12 but I don't know how accurate that is.</p>

<p>Thanks a lot! Much appreciated!</p>

<p>Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? </p>

<p>Privacy is of paramount importance. In a world where our lives are becoming more and more public,it is important to try to strive for a certain degree of privacy. While ostensibly, it may seem that being self-expressive and confessional is an excellent thing, it has many drawbacks. People should make a real effort to keep some things private.
History has given us many examples of times where it was important to keep some things private.For instance, during WWI (1914-1918), the French and the British kept their number of casualties private. They did not inform the public of major defeats during battles either. Keeping this information private was crucial- if civilians had known of the great number of casualties, it would have lowered their morale and a country with a discouraged population cannot hope to win a war. It was therefore extremely important for these statistics to be kept private,so as to better the situation in the country.
Moreover,one can draw very valid examples from literature and drama. In the very famous seventeenth century play, 'A Man For All Seasons', king Henry VII wants to get a divorce but this is not allowed under the church. During this play, two people voice their opinions regarding the divorce: Wolsey and Sir Thomas Moore. These opinions do not agree with that of the king and consequently, both men end up losing their lives. In this case, it would have been better for these men to stay quiet and keep their disagreement private, regardless of personal opinion, as did Cromwell and Richard. This is a very clear illustration of how revealing too much (of one's thoughts, opinions etc) can be detrimental and people should make an effort to keep some things private.
This brings me nicely onto a third example, which occurred quite recently. Many teenagers around the world are familiar with the story of Amy Pearson, a girl who was bullied online and ended up committing suicide.Amy,however, can be said to have been in part responsible for what happened to her. Using the famous social website, ask.fm, where users can anonymously ask each other questions, Amy answered many questions about her private life. Everything seemed to be going fine, until she began to receive lots of hate online and copies of the things she had written were posted everywhere. These were used by people to threaten and bully her. The severe amount of hate she received because of this information caused Amy to take her own life.This is an example that vividly illustrates the importance of making an effort to keep certain things private. Had Amy not publicized the answers to all these private questions on social media, she may not have suffered as she did.
It is important for one to realise where the limits lie in sharing information with people. While it is nice to be open, we must strive to keep some things to ourselves in order to better protect ourselves. Examples from literature, history and current affairs continue to show us the importance of keeping certain parts of our lives private.</p>