Please Grade My SAT Essay!!

<p>Hello, thank you all in advance, it would be fantastic if you could grade my essay out of 12.
Do changes that make our lives easier always make them better?</p>

<p>Changes are meant to make our lives easier, but they often do not. Sometimes, new products with the purpose of ameliorating daily life create unwanted problems. Several examples from Literature and education show that change is not always better.</p>

<p>In Mark Twain's "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn," Huck often chooses the easy life over the moral life. The largest change that occured in Huck's life was his discovery of treasure with Tow Sawyer; this made him rich and led to Huck's being adopted by Widow Douglas. With Widow Douglas and her sister Ms. Watson, Huck is taught religion and is "civilized." Huck, however, was not meant to be civilized and felt pressured in his new environment. This can be seen at the end of the novel when Huck is given a last chance to become refined after running away. Huck decides to leave again and go west, were he will control all aspects of his life. "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" show that change is not always best through Huck, who stumbles upon a large sum of money, which was not the change that was right for him. </p>

<p>A supplementary example of change not making life better can be found in education. The advent of more advanced graphing calculators meant to augment students' potential in mathematics is an example of change with negative side effects. New advanced calculators virtually solve problems for students;this makes students less autonomous in their math abilities. This change in calculators can be observed through the alteration of the College Board's AP Calculus BC exams. Now, since calculators are more advanced, the exam restricts calculator use on more parts of the exam. The change in calculators, which were made to help students, was so severe that students are being prohibited from using them altogether. The debacle of the graphing calculator is a prime example of negative change. </p>

<p>Change with intent of making our life better often has negative side effects. The change in Huck Finn's life and the change in calculator use in mathematics are two great examples of change not making life better.</p>

<p>Thank you so much, I would greatly appreciate a grade out of 12,
With my kindest regards,
AGKCHS</p>

<p>B Bu Bum Bump</p>

<p>This is not a conclusive review/grading, but it does seem like at times you did not directly answer the question. The question asked if changes to make life easier always make life better; you adressed whether changes in general make life better.</p>

<p>Thanks :slight_smile:
When I was planning it I was thinking that graphing calculators were meant to make life easier, and extra money too, but I guess I really did not express that clearly.</p>

<p>Bump Bump Bump</p>

<p>Bump 10 char</p>

<p>:( It would be great if some kind heart could take a look at this essay…</p>

<p>Thesis is sufficient but not great. It is better to outline your essay quickly in your thesis sentence and that means include the examples you are going to write about. Familiar template is: EXAMPLE 1 + EXAMPLE 2 → TOPIC → STANCE. Or the Topic + Stance + Example + Example. These are 2 models of templates but there are more that more specific and better, I just can’t remember them.</p>

<p>Your Huck Finn example is nice but it kinda went downward as you concluded the paragraph. You basically summarized your entire paragraph in your last sentence of that paragraph which is something you should avoid. Provide deeper insight to Huck Finn, not summarize, and that would make your example much more powerful. Also it is awkward for one to read “Huck’s being adopted…” Try to avoid these and make it more coherent and smoother. </p>

<p>It would be best if you search on google to find smooth and collegiate transitional phrases between paragraphs. “A supplementary example” is awkward and doesn’t make sense. A good transition would be something like, “Although change and its consequences in the great books of literature often provide hidden and silent insights in our attitudes and values, it is the change and its effects in the real world that truly alters our inner beliefs. In the status quo, education is undergoing enormous changes in its infrastructure as teachers and tools alike are being replaced or removed…” And so it goes from there. </p>

<p>Conclusion needs a little work. Make it more impacting to the reader and not just summarize what it is. An awesome conclusion that will get you a 12 (if the rest of your essay is good) is 1. Call to action (urge reader/society/world to do something) 2. Hidden insight (something important that you thought of about your essay as you were writing… something you did not expect but clearly relates to your thesis) 3. Impending consequences (either good consequences or bad consequences that would result from action or inaction depending on the prompt) These are but a few methods for you to use to truly make your conclusion impacting.</p>

<p>I would give it a 9</p>

<p>can any of you grade mine?:
Think carefully about the challenging ideas presented in the following quotation:
Margaret Chase Smith states that “Moral cowardice that keeps us from speaking our minds is as dangerous to this
country as irresponsible tasks. The right way is not always the popular and easy way. Standing for right when it is
unpopular is a true test of moral character.”
Is the right way not always the popular and easy way? Do you agree or disagree that “standing for the right when
it is unpopular is a true test of moral character”? Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from
your readings, experiences or observations.</p>

<pre><code> Doing what is considered to not be the popular choice when you know that it is the right choice is a true test of moral character. Often in life we encounter individuals who put common notions to the test such as Martin luther King who stood up for non-violent protest. The American revolution in which soldiers sought to gain independence shows a true test of moral competence, and also Galileo Galilei who challenged the Catholic church on the assumption that the world was the center of the universe.
During the civil rights era of the U.S. there emerged two groups of activists; those who supported aggression and those who supported peace. Martin luther King was one such leader who believed that Blacks could attain their goals of equality through protest, even despite attacks from such groups as the black panthers who believed that violence was a faster and more effective route. He became a beacon for his community, and continued in his stance, and his “dream” was realised, despite his violent demised.
America became a free and independent nation through the not so easy task of warfare. the articles of the constitution shows America to be a fearless nation. It took on the big enemy- England. Many Americans were against this as they were ‘loyalists’ and felt that Britain was their true home. Despite this small minority, Americans knew that independence was essential, and went to war in spite of detractors.
Galileo Galilei a 16th century astronomer who believe in copernicus ideas that the Earth revolved around the sun, published his ideas despite a popular belief of otherwise. He was threatened with house arrest and persecution if he continued with his aims, but he would not back down. He may have lived out his last years in confinement, but centuries later he was praised and acknowledged for his strength in the face of adversity and courage for the spread of the truth.
True character prevails in the face of great adversity, Will you be like the fish who swims upstream away from danger, or will you follow the school? will you take up arms for righteousness or fall to pressure? I believe that the most popular choice will appeal to most, and that this is the cause of most societal ills, however, there will always be those upstanding leaders who will emerge and remind us of our true duties.
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