Please grade this essay. :)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>"Each fresh crisis we encounter is an opportunity in disguise".</p>

<p>Assignment: Bla bla bla.</p>

<p>My essay:
The statement mentioned is completely justifiable. More often than not do we perceive a predicament or crisis as a hopelessly lost case. This negative attitude deludes us from what may be a propitious "opportunity in disguise".</p>

<pre><code> Take into consideration one of the simplest yet recurring examples of everyday life. I speak of my own experience as well. My brother had been a diligent, and fastidious student throughout high school. However, he maintained a faulty mentality, which dictated that if a straight-A student did not make into medical school, he was an inadequate worker and a failure. However, fate played its role in my brother's life, and he did not fulfill his aspirations. He fell short of the passing grade to medical school, and was plunged into a dark state of prostration. During this period of convalescence, he realized the only incentive behind his aspiration for medical school was simply prestige. He then, as a result, decided to pursue his true ambition to become a writer. At the age of 26, today, my brother is a prominent figure of 'Al-Ahram' Egyptian newspaper. Maybe failing to get into medical school was not such a career-threatening crisis after all.

          I'd like to divert your attention to another example, which I present to you from Egyptian Pharonic history. Thousands years past, a dreaded tribe from the Arab peninsula threatened Egypt's revered civilization, and its very existence. This malicious tribe went under the name 'Hiksos'. At that time, Egypt was not united under a single government, or leader. It lacked the military strength and number the situation necessitated to hold off the imminent danger. Then came the imperturbable figure into light, and his name was Ahmos. Ahmos defied the invaders, and vowed to defend his beloved country either till victory, or death. His candor, keen perspective, and magnificent leadership won the Egyptian population's hearts and united them all under one cause. He unfailingly brought strength to the Egyptian military, and drove the 'Hiksos' out for good. I can name a number of favorable outcomes from this 'crisis'.

        Overall, I like to maintain a positive attitude towards everything that crosses my path. I wholeheartedly agree that a crisis may very well be an opportunity in disguise.

</code></pre>

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<p>Bump, 6 views and not one contribution? Please help. You reap what you sow ;)</p>

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<p>Hi SirWanksalot,</p>

<p>I would give you a 7-9.</p>

<p>I like your tone for this essay. It’s a more personal tone and you used “I” instead of third person. It’s kind of refreshing.</p>

<p>But overall, you’re kind of getting off track.</p>

<p>Your intruductino is straightforward and to the point. But i think you missed something. Don’t merely just state the assignment. You should include a tiny bit more information.</p>

<p>Your first body paragraph is great. You used a personal experience and something that u definitely knew really well, so you described it well. Even though your description was well-written, you should probably connect more with the topic. Tell us what the opportunity is. It seemed like towards the last half of the first body paragraph, you were talking about hard work instead of a new opportunity.</p>

<p>You second paragraph is a good example to chose also. This shows you have vast knowledge in world history. Though you said that it “united” the people, it did not actually state what the opportunity was. You’re kind of falling off the topic here. But towards the end, you did say that there are many positive outcomes (be careful, the prompt asks for opportunities, not positive outcomes), but you should actually list them, not just say there is a lot.</p>

<p>The conclusion is pretty lose. For an SAT essay, you should try to include a short summary or recall things you have written in your essay always. This will show that you have a handle on the structure of your essay and know what you’re talking about.</p>

<p>Good SAT volabulary though! :]</p>

<p>It’s funny cause i just wrote my essay on this topic too. Did you use the Baron SAT practice tests? </p>

<p>WIll you grade mine for me? - same topic :]
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1203080-grade-my-essay-me.html#post13145024[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1203080-grade-my-essay-me.html#post13145024&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Bro…bro…bro…please stop using Barron’s prompts on your essays, its suicide. </p>

<p>use one of these (pick randomly): <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/764514-sat-essay-prompt-archetypes.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/764514-sat-essay-prompt-archetypes.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>@computers65; really appreciate your feedback and criticism. And yes, I did use Baron’s. And I will most gladly grade your essay momentarily.</p>

<p>@StuckInTheAir; what’s so bad about Baron prompts?</p>