Please help me improve my essay writing!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>This is one of my essay. Please score it and let me know what you think. Criticisim and suggestions are welcome.Thankyou.</p>

<p>“Each fresh crisis we encounter is an opportunity in disguise”</p>

<p>I strongly agree with the statement, “Each fresh crisis we encounter is an opportunity in disguise.
There is always a brighter side of seeing things and always a darker side.
As Muslims we believe that all that happens is what God has destined for us and whatever that happens is for our best. Sooner or later we will get to see its positive side so whatever crisis may come we accept it with open arms. By this we look at things at a brighter side. It all depends on how one looks at things, one’s perception.
Apart from religion, as humans facing hardships highlights our weaknesses, strengthens them, highlights our strengths and makes them stand out. This makes us what we are today. It brings out the true “us”. We get to know ourselves better.</p>

<p>Also, a crisis may mean that God had planned something else for us. I can say it from personal experience. My 27-year old cousin, a graduate from Columbia University had been working in Dubai from the past 3 years with an income enough to support his family. Last month, the company he was working for got bankrupt and he lost his job. He couldn’t find another job for weeks but then just a few days back he was offered a job in Kuwait by another multinational company that offered him an income double his previous one and also an accommodation.</p>

<p>Moreover, the recent flooding in Pakistan also proves to be an opportunity in disguise. About 14 million people were affected. Many of them lost their lives and the rest lost their homes but as I stated earlier, looking at the brighter this gave the nation an opportunity to help their brothers in this crisis. The flood united Pakistanis as a nation to donate and help the flood victims. Everybody from 10 year olds made efforts to help these people. </p>

<p>Every crisis we have, we have the chance to do something about it. It gives us a chance to come together and work things out together.</p>

2

<p>This is the final version of my essay. I wrote the previous one in a hurry. Below is the 25 minutes essay.</p>

<p>I strongly agree with the statement, “Each fresh crisis we encounter is an opportunity in disguise.
There is always a brighter side of seeing things and always a darker side. As Muslims we believe that all that happens is what God has destined for us and whatever that happens is for our best. Sooner or later we will get to see its positive side so whatever crisis may come we accept it with open arms. By this we look at things at a brighter side. It all depends on how one looks at things, one’s perception.</p>

<p>Apart from religion, as humans facing hardships highlights our weaknesses, strengthens them, highlights our strengths and makes them stand out. This makes us what we are today. It brings out the true “us”. We get to know ourselves better.</p>

<p>Opportunity does often stem from crisis, as illustrated in William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet tells the tale of how two teenagers, Romeo and Juliet, from feuding Italian families fell in love. Their unlikely meeting at a ball led to their eventual marriage, and, ultimately, to their death. Although it was an extreme crisis to both families, the demise of romeo and Juliet provided a new opportunity for the ending of a century-old feud. The families, having realized that their mutual hate was pointless after it brought forth the death of their children, decided to reconcile and to end their feud. The catalyst to this great decision was, of course, a catastrophe.</p>

<p>Furthermore, a crisis may mean that God had planned something else for us. I can say it from personal experience. My 27-year old cousin, a graduate from Columbia University had been working in Dubai from the past 3 years with an income enough to support his family. Last month, the company he was working for got bankrupt and he lost his job. He couldn’t find another job for weeks but then just a few days back he was offered a job in Kuwait by another multinational company that offered him an income double his previous one and also an accommodation.</p>

<p>Moreover, the recent flooding in Pakistan also proves to be an opportunity in disguise. About 14 million people were affected. Many of them lost their lives and the rest lost their homes but as I stated earlier, looking at the brighter this gave the nation an opportunity to help their brothers in this crisis. The flood united Pakistanis as a nation to donate and help the flood victims. Everybody, from 10 year olds to 76 year olds made efforts to help these people. </p>

<p>Every crisis we have, we have the chance to do something about it. It gives us a chance to come together and work things out together.</p>

3

<p>I guess u r not native speaker, are you?
Well, first of all, never use “I strongly agree with the statement…blah…blah…blah”. That is such a common opening that “they” hate so much. u need a hook</p>

4

<p>Also, did u finish that in 25 min? u might type that…but it’s crazy if u can write that many words…</p>

5

<p>You’ve guessed it right. I am not.
Oh okay. I will remember that but can you suggest me some catchy openings that might come in handy. I would really appreciate that.</p>

<p>Also, I did finish this in 25 minutes or maybe a minute more. :)</p>

6

<p>Can you please score my essay?</p>

7

<p>i really liked your essay but the second example was a little weak after all i would give you a 9 maybe</p>