Please grade this second essay

<h2>Prompt: Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?</h2>

<p>Knowledge, no doubt, is power in the present world we live in. Besides, this is the information age. Everything we do and get thrives on information. To pass an examination, on its own, is facilitated by information garnered on the subject area. Thus, knowledge is always a benefit to the individual who has it. A few examples and anecdotes help validate why this opinion about knowledge holds water.</p>

<p>In the early 90's, Nigerian banking was what one can describe as crude. For one to deposit money in say, 'First Bank,' one needed to go to the particulat 'First Bank' branch, where one opened the account. There was nothing like internet banking. Long queues snaked through the banking halls because of this. Most people preferred to have saves in their houses than stand for hours in banking halls. However, two young men went to the United States to find out how modern banking was done. It was in the States they discovered the concept of automated teller machines (ATM) and internet banking. Discovering this, they learnt all they could learn about internet banking. They then brought what they had learned to the Nigerian banking sector. Eversince the incorporation of ATM's and internet banking in the Nigerian banking sector, banking has never been the same.People can now easily transfer funds from one account to the other, in the comfort of their homes. Needless to say, those two original innovators made a lot of money from the knowledge they brought into Nigeria.</p>

<p>Another particulartly interesting example is that of a boy name Luke. Luke was a student of University of Lagos, medical chapter. During his third year of anatomy, Luke took out time to learn the intricacies of the human anatomy. Most medical examinations requires just memorizind definitions. Hence, other students did not see the need to learn the detailed processes. However, in their final examinations, a little modification was made in their examination question style. Apparently, it was to test a new way of accessing medical students. In effect, many students scored low marks. Luke, however, had an eighty percent. Knowledge, he had acquired, had proven to be utterly beneficial.</p>

<p>Whatever we learn always, in some way, ends up being useful. xit may be in a couple of years that they become beneficial. Nonetheless, it's never a burden to knowledge, however unimportant it is at the time being.</p>

<p>Isyemky,</p>

<p>This is a great essay. I would say solid 11, weak 12. The concepts are fully developed and I’m assuming you took up all the written space on the answer key. Your examples are great, and you demonstrate complete control over them, you know what you want to say and you say it. You aren’t in the least bit apprehensive or ambiguous about either topic. I say weak 12 because (I might be too harsh, keep in mind I’m not a professional grader, just a guy that likes SAT essays and scored a 12) was vocabulary. You started off great with terms like “garner” but you stopped; you must sprinkle and distribute SAT vocabulary over the ENTIRE essay. But, your essay holistically is fantastic and just might be a 12. Lastly, the final sentence in your introduction could be a little better:</p>

<p>You wrote: A few examples and anecdotes help validate why this opinion about knowledge holds water.</p>

<p>^Don’t be afraid to be specific.</p>

<p>Knowledge clearly aided in the Nigerian First Bank and a young student studying medicine at the University of Lagos. </p>

<p>My above restructured sentence sounds a little more professional and less…redundant (you mention knowledge helping blatantly in the previous sentences, so become more specific, it can’t hurt :P!)</p>

<p>Overall, great essay. Keep up the good work!</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>Thanks for taking out time to read my essays. A second eye is always better in evaluating one’s work.
I’m usually ambiguous at the beginning because I’m usually not sure of the supporting examples to use. I oftentimes make them up as i glide through.
I know my closing was a bit weak; I’ll work on that.
Funnily enough, I always stuck to 3 examples before now. However, two examples seem to be working for me these days.</p>

<p>Isyemky,</p>

<p>I can understand why you’re thesis is ambiguous (“because I’m usually not sure of the supporting examples to use”), however I suggest you do this. Read the prompt, pick your side (either support/refute), then just think of what examples you will use. This process should take a total of 2 minutes (3 minutes at most). Once you know what you want to use, then start writing and you’ll be fine. Its important to pause and think it through because if you have a weak foundation (thesis) the entire essay can potentially collapse. Try this method on future essays and see if it works.</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>Ok .I will try to do so. Ideally, one should think on what one wants to write about before writing at all. That 25 minutes just sucks sometimes to consider doing that.</p>

<p>Isyemky,</p>

<p>Perhaps brainstorm and make a list of all examples you can use that would be appropriate for just about all types of prompts. There aren’t that many prompts out there, here are some: Love, loyalty, group individuality, society, creativity, heroes, reality, money, technology. You can make up a list of appropriate examples for each, this way you won’t waste time coming up with examples when you look at the prompt.</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>