PLEASE HELP: Issues With Running a Club With Someone Else

Pre-College Topics High School Life
1

Hi everybody. I’m a high school freshman in the process of beginning a chess club at my school. Apparently someone else had the same idea, so I asked if he wanted to start it with me. Wow, huge mistake. Let me explain my situation.

At freshman orientation, I couldn’t find an informational stand for Chess Club, so I went to talk to my guidance counselor. She suggested that I begin one at the high school. So, I scheduled an appointment to meet with the principal and vice-principal to present the idea to them. They approved it! The day afterwards, during lunch, a boy at my table (let’s call him Alex) announces that he’s going to start a chess club. So, after lunch, I explained to him that I already had the idea, but he was free to co-found it with me (meaning we’re equals). Everything goes well until it’s time to make flyers.

Firstly, it is unbelievably difficult to communicate with Alex. He has a phone, but doesn’t want to exchange phone numbers or download any messenger apps. So, we use e-mail. We have an extremely short conversation about our goals in life. He tells me that his goal is to go to Harvard. I tell him that mine is to make a positive difference in the world.

Anyway, we each make a flyer and share them with each other using e-mail. I liked both flyers, but according to him, having two flyers would be “confusing.” Okay…so I agree use his flyer. I told him to meet up with me by the main entrance tomorrow morning to get them approved before putting them up. Sounds like everything is going smoothly so far, right? WRONG.

On Friday morning, I didn’t want to be late, so I asked my parents if they could drive me to school. So, they do, and we get there an hour early. For the entire hour, I waited until school started. He never showed up.

At the end of the day, I get called into the main office. I’m totally confused. What did I do? The woman there explained to me that I wasn’t supposed to put up things without approval from an administrator. What? I never hung up anything. So, I go out and look at the walls to see that they’re covered in chess club flyers, the ones that Alex made. I go back into the office and tell them that “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize you needed permission. I’ll stay after school to take them down.” Basically, I take the blame for Alex. I also had a copy of my own flyer with me, so I got that initialed. Because I stayed after school, I didn’t have a ride (my parents were both extremely busy). So…I tried walking home and ended up getting lost (I’m new to this town btw). I eventually found my way after 2-ish hours. I tried to forget that whole fiesta and forget about Alex.

When I’m at home, I make 11 copies of my initialized flyers, since we’re allowed to put up 12. Then, I look at Alex’s flyers, and I was shocked to see that they’re different from the ones he showed me on e-mail. After his name he put “(founder),” and after mine, he put “(co-founder).” This is really what ticked me off. I know that doing something like that is extremely small, but to me, it revealed so much about his character. Excuse me, Alex, but I was already going to begin this club. I made the conclusion that he only wanted to be the “founder” of this club to write it on all his college apps. I didn’t see why officer titles even need to be added on flyers, though.

I e-mail him about this on Saturday (since I was busy on Friday) and explain that we’re both co-founders, two leaders working towards a common cause. What’s important is not what our titles are, but what we are accomplishing with and for the club. I also tell him that I got my flyer approved, and I’ll put them up on Monday

This is the e-mail I got back:
“my name, yes, we definitely need to talk. I am not sure I understand. I am the Chess Club Founder. I founded the Chess Club last year in middle school, and I decided to start it in high school this year. This is not news to anyone. This was already shared with most members from last year way before you and I talked. In fact, I believe you were sitting with the group when I confirmed that I am planning to start the club. When you approached me, later that day, about assisting in the club, I was very clear that I would be happy for you to be a co-founder. Did I miss something? When you hang flyers with your name printed before mine, you clearly imply you are the founder, which is contrary to the truth. Also, if we are speaking of character, it is important to be honest besides being genuine, dedicated, etc. I am also confused as to why you did not send me an email yesterday (when you had to take down my flyers). You really need to remove your flyers (since they are giving the wrong impression) or switch the names.
Cheers,
Alex”

I email him back explaining that I had the idea before school started, and because we both had the same idea, I offered him to start it WITH me at the high school.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I honestly find it a teeny bit ridiculous to have to get rid of 12 approved flyers just because a person’s name isn’t first in the order. I speak for the trees, as well. Additionally, I don’t get how putting down a name first clearly implies that they’re the founder/head/president/most amazing human being in the galaxy. I don’t think I know anyone who thinks like that. All it means is that their name happened to be put down first.

Seriously, though. I really don’t want to work with a person of this nature (quite narcissistic, self-absorbed, title-hunting), but I honestly love chess so much. How do I deal with this? Who should I talk to? What should I say to him? We haven’t even had our first meeting yet, but we already have issues. I’ve done so much to be nice to him, but the way he thinks is just getting under my skin. I’m so stressed out and so tired. I’m actually considering backing out of this, just because I don’t like his attitude. I’ve already told all my friends and family that I’ll be co-founding a chess club at my school, and they’re all so happy and excited to see me get involved. It’s nearly 2 AM, but I can’t go to sleep because I keep thinking about this. He wants to call himself the founder when he isn’t, and puts too much emphasis on titles. He’s a liar and prestige hog. I know that sounds so ignorant of me to say that, but it’s the truth. What should I do? Please help.

2

You say you received the principal’s and vice principal’s approval so it seems to me that you’re the founder. Arrange another meeting with them and ask for their advice and support.

3

If you dont care about titles and are doing it just for the game of chess why not just let him be founder and be a participating member. He seems like a stubborn guy and idk why you would want to keep fighting with him if you all you want is a chess club.

4

@Happy2Help - I’ll resort to that as my last option, since I really don’t want to seem like a prick/snitch. Thanks, thoug.

@kassh4 - I honestly don’t care about titles too much, but I do want a little bit of credit for beginning it, if that makes sense. xD Doing that will also drop my self-esteem too. The thing is that my parents are so excited that I’m doing this, so they’ll also be at the first meeting lol. I really don’t want to disappoint them…

5

Get the administration’s help, honestly. Some people are after “resume-padding” and it sounds like this is what Alex is doing.

6

Did Alex make you show up at school an hour earlier? Did he make you take the blame for putting up the flyers? You’re pissed at him for things that are not even his fault.
You said it yourself that a title is a small thing, so why are you complaining about having that little “co-” added to your title? It’s about things you do for the club, not what your position is called.
Tbh it sounds like you need to remove that chip off your shoulder and stop being a precious snowflake who is offended by everything.

7

Congrats -

My son founded a chess club at his college so I do have an appreciation of what is entailed. Most schools, if not all, do have rules about posting flyers, etc. so learn them before you accidentally make the same mistake again. The trees will thank you.

Who is the advisor of the club? Speak to that person about what to do. Perhaps if you are listed as co-founder, you can be this year’s president? After this year, the president should be either appointed by the advisor or elected by the membership. When you draft the by-laws, make sure that only members who have attended a certain number of meetings can vote so Alex can’t just have friends show up to vote for him.

Have you looked into what Alex actually did with the chess club he founded in middle school? Did he actually show up or is he just a credit hog. If resume padding is his goal, he may move on to start another club or two or three and leave the chess club/team to you.

Do you plan for the club to be solely intramural or do you plan to try to compete with other schools? Perhaps you can be the one to research the process for getting into a league or investigating how to compete in tournaments. Do you have a contact with a chess master or instructor whom you can invite to give a lecture or run an exhibition? Not only would that be of interest to the chess club members, it’s clearly an accomplishment you can list on your eventual resume.

Just remember, however, that if your goal is truly to play chess, it doesn’t matter who is listed as founder or co-founder. Keep the advisor on your good side and s/he can explain what happened in their LOR, should you choose to pursue this.

Good luck and I envy your parents, My son would never have wanted me to attend any of his chess matches.

If your main goal is to play chess, then do it. The best revenge would be to take first board every game and tournament.

8

@yonceonhismouth - Thanks. I’m definitely looking into that. I just want to deal with Alex himself before going to an adult.

@TheMoreYouKow - FYI, I AM a precious snowflake, but I’m the type with daggers for tips, and I’ll make hell freeze over if I have to. I’m not mad at him making me arrive early or stay late at school (those were my own actions). I’m mad at him because he didn’t show up at the meeting, and because he put up a bunch of unapproved flyers, that were different from the ones he showed me. Those things ARE his fault. He never apologized for either incident (not that I’d expect one).

@techmom99 - Thank you so much for being understanding. I HAD actually learned that we needed to approve the flyers before putting them up. It was Alex that put up a bunch of his flyers, and made me stay after school to take them down and put up my own. The thing is…on my flyers, his name isn’t first, so he wants me to get rid of all of them. From what I’ve learned from other students, all Alex did in middle school was hand out a bunch of chess boards and let people play. I actually DO want the club to compete with other schools. I’ve tried looking online, but the process is a bit confusing, and I’m not sure who to contact. And unfortunately, I do not have the contact of a chess master/instructor, but if I found them, would I have to pay them? Aww…it’s too bad your son doesn’t see what a great and proud parent you are (honestly, pat yourself on your back for being so caring).

9

This reminds me of a certain college-roommate brouhaha recently…“I am like a ticking time bomb that sets off when things I don’t like happen to me.” http://nypost.com/2016/09/14/this-ucla-freshman-might-be-the-worst-roommate-ever/ Don’t be that person. Either learn to work with this guy (who admittedly sounds arrogant and verging on insufferable) or you don’t get a chess club.

10

As someone who has been in professional leadership roles for over half my career, I am glad to share these thoughts with you. Part of leadership always will be working with people with a variety of personalities. Some will be difficult to work with.

  1. Communicate openly, but remember two things: a. Don't use email or texts or social media. It is hard to convey tone in an email. Almost every altercation that I ever tried to resolve via email got worse, and in person, got better. Talk to him in person. b. Always assume he has positive intentions and you both have shared goals. Act like everything was just a miscommunication that was partly your fault. Work together to plan for the club and divide the work clearly so that each of your responsibilities are clear. That way there won't be turf battles. For example, you might reach out to other clubs and form a competition schedule while he might take charge of flyers and setting up in-school practices.
  2. The person who advised you to keep your adult club advisor in the loop was wise, but make sure you look reasonable and fair. Do NOT complain about the other person. Just say things like, "We thought of this plan: [Name] will be setting up the practices and I'll be reaching out to schools. Is this plan okay with you?" Your leadership will be evident to him/her, and you won't look like someone who can't play nicely in the sandbox. Then, if later there IS an altercation, you look like the reasonable one. If it is too toxic already, you could ask the adviser to meet with the two of you to help you plan; again, without saying anything bad about him, just positively planning for the future. (If clubs in your school do not have adult advisers, then a guidance counselor or administrator could be the person who helps.)
11

@bodangles - I know I must work with Alex. It’s just that I find it hard to, especially when our personalities conflict.

@TheGreyKing - Thanks so much for all of that advice. I’ve tried setting up meetings with him, but every time I meet him in school, he brushes me aside saying, “Yeah, yes,” then hurries away. It’s like he doesn’t want me to be a part of this. I’ve asked him for his phone number so we don’t have to use e-mail/social media, but he never wants to exchange them. Our club DOES have an “adviser” who is more like a supervisor than an adviser, though. We just asked him if we could use his room for chess club meetings. He isn’t really the type to deal with these things, so should I mention this situation at all to him or go seek out someone else? I really appreciate your advice. Thanks for taking the time to read my situation. I know I write a lot xD.

12

@differencemaker -

Thank you for the compliment. I think my son appreciates me, but even if he doesn’t, I have other kids who I know do.

@TheGreyKing is correct about how to approach Alex. I like his idea of facilitating a meeting with the advisor, a GC, the school social worker or some other adult who can help you get the club off the ground.

As for how to get into a chess league: I know that in our area there was a group of 8 - 10 HS’s that had chess clubs and they were in a league. If you are in a city with more than one HS, contact the board of ed or the superintendent’s office to see if there is a process to set up a league. There is only one HS in my town, so we work with other towns.

Does your district offer a chess program for younger kids? Maybe you could help set one up on weekends or afterschool at the library?

13

If your goal is just to play chess… why not just join the club, enjoy playing, and spread the word?