Please help me judge my essay and improve it if you can

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>People generally prefer originality to imitation, which is often considered inferior and second-rate. However, we have learned most of what we know by imitating others. Mastering any skill or gaining any knowledge means that we must learn from those who have gone before us. In fact, it is not until we have imitated others and learned from them what there is to know that we can strike out on our own and maybe create something new.</p>

<p>Assignment: Is it necessary for people to imitate others before they can become original and creative? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>This is my essay </p>

<ul>
<li>*From my perspective, being creative requires an interval of imitation, which was vital for people who want to master the basic knowledge. Although we appreciate originality, any novelty ideas have to start from generally accepted facts. That is why learning comes before inventing.</li>
<li>*Firstly, when it comes to scientific discoveries, apart from creativity, scientists have to study thoroughly the basic physic, chemistry and biology rules. As many inventions as Thomas Edison created, he devoted a great amount of time and effort to studying and executing experiments. Therefore, he can learn from the experience and knowledge of people who had gone before him. The process was rarely mentioned by nowadays people, because his achievements in the field of electricity were so glorious. Nevertheless, learning, in another word, imitating, contributed greatly to his success.</li>
<li>*Secondly, the art of war was also the art of digesting the tatics of the previous . When The Yuen intended to invade Vietnam several centuries ago, Tran Hung Dao, one of the most talented generals of all time, applied the method of a king in 908. He placed sharp stakes in the river. When the tide was high, they are invisible, but when the tide went down, hundreds of boats of the enemies were destroyed. His way of commanding the troops was undeniably creative. Thanks to this, a small country could defeat one of the most contemporarily strongest army. In fact, the combination of originality and wise application of old method was the key to this historical victory.</li>
<li>*Last but not least, much as we encourage creative students, they also have to imitate some old ways of studying that were proved effective. For example, my friend got a score of 2260 for her SAT last year, but she used the popular flashcards to learn by heart new words. What made her stand out from others? Even though she took advantage of an old method, she made some improvement to it. She made her own flashcards rather than print or buy some. Also, it was important to make each of them unique and bear a key to remind her of the meaning. Creating an effective studying does not mean inventing a new one but to develop the previous one to make them suitable for you.</li>
<li>*In conclusion, an essential stage of creating is to imitate what has been settled. However, a rigid way of copying will not make anyone successful. It takes careful pondering and serious thinking to bring out the originality in an individual.</li>
</ul>

2

<p>Since no one has replied to you yet, I will do my best to give you a detailed analysis of your essay.</p>

<h2>I’d say you’ll probably score about a 3. </h2>

<p>I feel that your writing style is too rigid, but this is not an overly important point. You should get rid of “Firstly”, “Secondly” etc. in order to make the flow of your essay more natural. Also, don’t start with “From my perspective”, because this makes your stand weak. What you think is right is not the focus. The focus is that you want to persuade other people that you are right.</p>

<p>Another problem is your grammar. While you don’t have any major issues and your essay is relatively readable, you should look out and doublecheck for errors that may lower your marker’s impression of your linguistic ability. Mistakes like “novel ideas” instead of “novelty ideas” in Para 1 and “by people nowadays” instead of “by nowadays people” in Para 2 can be easily avoided (I hope).</p>

<p>Finally we come to the most important problem with your essay IMO. Your examples do not truly back up your stand. I understand what you’re trying to say but your writing is unfocused and your examples lack several crucial details. </p>

<p>Your first example is about Thomas Edison. You say: He studied and experimented => Therefore, he learnt from people before him. Where is the link? How did he study and experiment and if he did learn from his predecessors, who did he learn from? What was original and creative about his work as compared to the people before him?</p>

<p>Your second example is about the art of war and tactics. You say that Tran Hung Dao applied the method of a king in 908. If he applied the method already used previously, then in what way is his method “undeniably creative”? You should be more specific in pointing out in which way his plan was original.</p>

<h2>You should delete your last example. It not only sticks out like a sore thumb compared to the rest of your essay, it is a rather weak example too. You should dedicate the time you spent writing this example towards improving your previous 2 examples.</h2>

<p>I hope you found my analysis helpful! I’m a student like you so I can’t say that I have the best idea of just how your essay is marked so these are just my honest opinions. Good luck!</p>