Please List Your Long Distance Relationship Stories and Advice! Anything Will Help

<p>Our history: Our last year in high school, we became best friends by the end of the year. During that time we developed a crush on one another, close to the end of the year we started dating. We have a solid foundation by being great friends before dating and taking things slow. Over the summer we literally spent every day with each other. Shortly after dating (I think 1 month) I knew I was in love with her, and she had already told me she was in love with me. We've talked about a future together that includes, living with one another, marriage, kids, etc... By the end of the summer our love as I feel is super strong. She's told me I make her the happiest she's ever been, and her good friend told me that also. And she makes me the happiest I've ever been also. We both can't really imagine a life without one anther. We are both willing to put effort into this relationship</p>

<p>Now that college is starting up, we are going to different colleges... She's going to college in Alaska and I'm going to college in Colorado</p>

<p>What we are currently doing</p>

<ul>
<li>Texting </li>
<li>Calling </li>
<li>Facebooking, instagram </li>
<li>Sending each other pictures </li>
<li>Skyping </li>
<li>Sending Care packages</li>
</ul>

<p>Any other suggestions? We will be away from one another for about 4 months, until winter break.</p>

<p>Why did you start two threads on this? </p>

<p>I was in a LD relationship. we had been together since freshman year of hs, lasted until sophomore year of college. It didn’t work because we grew in two different directions. Nbd. I’m engaged to someone who’s a much better fit and he seems to be doing fine, too. </p>

<p>OTOH, I went to a wedding last weekend for two friends from hs who were together since senior prom and went to school on opposite ends of the country.</p>

<p>Its not gonna work. Sorry but its true. You’re too young to be committed to a long distance relationship. Me and my boyfriend of 1 year broke up 3 weeks ago because we are going off to different colleges this fall. Yes it did hurt when we ended it. I cried myself to sleep. But now its been 3 weeks and I’m leaving for college tomorrow. I couldn’t be more excited.</p>

<p>In your post you saw your girlfriend is your best friend. My ex was my bestfriend too. He was all I knew for a year. Which is why we both decided to remain friends. We text like once a week and its fine. We get along. We still have inside jokes. And we are getting over each other. </p>

<p>Basically be realistic. If you keep dating you will eventually grow apart. Texting/calling will eventually die down little by little. I would end it now so one of you doesn’t end up getting more hurt than the other when it ends. Just break up and stay friends. I know this isn’t what you want to hear but you NEED to be realistic. Plus there are TONS of guys/girls in college! Do you really want your girlfriend to hold you back when you could be meeting someone you could have an actual serious relationship with? Do you really want to hold her back? </p>

<p>Eventually you guys will break up. Just end it now. It will make things a lot easier.</p>

<p>AEgirl, I think you’re being too pessimistic. Just because your ex and you decided to end things because you believed it wouldn’t work, doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone. Granted, the odds of it working out are not the greatest, but it can work. If anything, the long distance thing won’t be a problem if you two are truly in love, but you will both grow up and will be different people by the end of college(which would happen even if you went to the same school.)
So to answer your question, you can write each other letters(call me old fashioned, but it seems like a romantic reminder that you are thinking of the other person), and visit each other at school if you have the time and money to do so.</p>

<p>I wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>:rolleyes: </p>

<p>Are YOU in this relationship? No. You have no idea what will or will not happen. There are plenty of people that survive LD relationships. </p>

<p>Now the odds are that you won’t but I hate the “just end it now because it’s doomed to fail” attitude.</p>

<p>There is always a possibility it could work. But at this age is the chances are slim. People this age are not mature enough to handle this type of relationship. Or if one is mature enough the other person in this may not be. Its one thing when the two are married and their spouse is in the army living across the world. Its another story when the couple is barely out of high school still figuring out who they are and what they want in life.</p>

<p>He asked for advice. This is MY advice.</p>

<p>My girlfriend and I met in 2008 (I was 18, she was 17). We recently celebrated our 5th anniversary. She goes to school in Indiana and I go to school in California. It has been hard going through college and being apart, but we visit each other each winter and summer break by saving up money. </p>

<p>Bottom line is we’ve always been there for one another through difficult times. You have to be with someone you can depend on and trust. I was there for her through a couple of family deaths, her mother’s divorce, her financial problems, and her stress as a pre-med. </p>

<p>The main way we stay in touch is Skype. I didn’t even have a cell phone until late 2010. Now we text and call regularly. </p>

<p>You also gotta let your partner live their own life. It’s not as if my girlfriend is cooped up in her room all of the time. She holds positions of several clubs and is president of one she started herself, she is in a sorority that is always doing things, she is taking 18 units, she has a part-time job, and she also has an internship. She’s also working on her senior thesis. Out of all that she still has time to spend with me. You will make time to spend with your partner if they mean anything to you. </p>

<p>Did we grow up and become entirely different people? No, not really. Priorities change, people change, but they don’t change that much. Not in my experience. I’d say your wants change. She wanted to be a psychiatrist. I wanted to be a pharmacist, mathematician, physicist, and now investment banker. What I wanted to do with my life changed, not my personality.</p>

<p>Thanks CalDud, I agree completely with what you said. You have set times where we would skype each other, we text through out the day when we have a min or two to spare. </p>

<p>AEGirl I think you and your ex didn’t really want to put the effort into a long distance relationship. If you truly love someone you will do anything possible to stay with that person. So I don’t think you guys really had “real” feelings for one another. </p>

<p>We care for each other tremendously! I can tell because of the way she cares for me, the things she does, ect… And I do the same for her too. We are both positive about this long distance relationship and are willing to get through it, why because we both see a future together. We are very compatible and we have the same morals, religious, and we like doing the same things with a few exceptions (she likes shopping and I don’t). And we think pretty much the same way!</p>

<p>I’m pretty sure we will work out.</p>

<p>Sorry to burst the bubble, </p>

<p>More women have cheated in long distance relationships than are willing to admit. I don’t mean just physically, but also eyeball and tease men who could be a fallback option locally if the long distance relationship doesn’t work out. I have slept with two women who were in long distance relationships, and the ironic thing is that they were the ones who initiated physical contact. </p>

<p>A third woman I was friends with who “was” in a long distance relationship was upset with me because I didn’t try to have sex with her when I took her out to lunch to discuss politics and activism while she was in the long distance relationship. She broke contact with me when I rejected her sexual advances.</p>

<p>My boyfriend and I met early freshman year at college. He lives in Asia, and I live in the US, so winter and summer breaks are spent far apart with 12-13 hour time differences. To make matters more complicated, I got a full time job in a different state than our college every other semester, so sometimes I’ll spend 2/3 or even an entire year away from college and him. We can skype each others for hours a day. Sometimes we play video games together (MMORPGs, League of Legends, Minecraft). So far, 2 years, going strong.</p>

<p>Ok here is paraphrased advice from the book “The Naked Roommate”, a long distance relationship is difficult at best, however, if your relationship is good there is no reason to break it off immediately. Both of you will have a lot of opportunities to meet other people. whatever you and your girlfriend do DON’T CHEAT! If you (or her) find you want the opportunity to go out with others even temporarily be honest. It will hurt, however, if sometime in the future the relationship were to rekindle no one will have been dishonest and your relationship will be based on trust. Good luck.</p>

<p>its college… thats my advice</p>

<p>College changes everyone, because everybody starts growing. Whether the change is good or bad will be up to you and him. If you guys can’t grow together, you guys will grow apart.</p>

<p>Now, with that said, my boyfriend and I successfully did a one year LDR. I was in a completely different country with a 16-hour time difference. We’ve been together for over two years now, going strong. It works – both of you just have to make it work. </p>

<p>But I don’t take back what I said earlier: people always change in college. Many people grow up and learn about themselves. If you can’t accept who your partner is changing into, or cant work it out, then don’t fight it and just let it go.</p>

<p>Proceed with caution… don’t lead anybody on when you’re at school unless you plan to break up with your significant other. Don’t cheat unless you plan on breaking up with her IMMEDIATELY after. Like literally the next day. Basically don’t lie or withhold information. Don’t hold on “just because”. If you feel like you’ll be happier single or with somebody new and closeby, talk it out and come to a conclusion based on both of your feelings. If you’re not feeling it, get out. If your SO isn’t feeling it, give them the emotional space they need and agree to take a break. It’s not like you’re married.</p>

<p>I went through this last year. My boyfriend was a year ahead of me.</p>

<p>We had been together for two years and were extremely close. We had everything planned out – kids names, marriage, you name it. Looking back, I’m really cringing at myself for thinking I would go along with that, but back then it seemed inevitable. It felt like our relationship was so amazing that it overshot all other relationships in our school, and that nobody could “understand” it because they didn’t have a relationship like ours.</p>

<p>But then he moved away, and I got busy with school. Before he moved away, I cried every day and thought I’d never find another guy like him. But once he moved away and I got busy with my senior year, I realized that being in a LDR was terrible and our whole relationship was basically built on the fact that I had nothing better to do. Being busy really solidified that I wanted to be single. We had been inseparable for 2 years, but at the risk of many things, including social life.</p>

<p>So I broke up with him. He became really depressed and tried to kill himself. Now we’ve COMPLETELY changed courses. Omg, if I had stayed with him, I don’t know what I’d do. He became this free-flowing hippie spirit who is totally into meditation and harmony and love and I’m this rational mind who feels really uncomfortable with all that. I realized that I was really needy back in our relationship, but couldn’t grow out of it because we were so codependent on each other. Breaking up with him was the best decision ever, and now I’m entering Stanford in September with a clean slate. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve consoled over their LDRs, and even during Admit Weekend I met a girl who wasn’t able to have fun because her boyfriend back home was upset with her.</p>

<p>I’m not saying it can’t work, but I seriously thought that our relationship was meant to be and that we’d prove the others wrong. And honestly, I’m so glad I was wrong. Look at it this way: if you know you’re meant to be, you should be fine with seeing other people in college and then getting back together afterwards. That is what all the HS sweethearts I know have done, and it works because if you’re meant to be, it won’t matter who else you’ve seen. But if you’re worried about that and insist that you two HAVE to be together and can’t see other people, maybe you’re afraid she will leave you for another guy – which is a common fear, but in a mature relationship, that may be a lack of trust.</p>

<p>

Or girl. Nothing personal to you, Fear; just pointing out that this is the 21st century . . . though I’m sure you were just generalizing the situation.</p>

<p>Anyhoo, I had a long distance relationship for 2 years with someone. We’ve been together for nearly 7 years now and will be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary in a couple months. We would go about 7 months at a time for those couple years without physically seeing each other. I was in the military stationed an ocean away from her, plus deployments which were multiple continents away. We utilized skype and texting/calling a lot if I wasn’t deployed and email/calls sparingly when I was. The best advice I can come up with:
-**Truly be there for your partner when s/he is going through tough times<a href=“i.e.%20close%20family%20death,%20etc”>/b</a>. My wife’s very close grandmother passed during my first deployment and I still kick myself for not being able to console her more.
-Be interested in his/her life - academics and otherwise. Do what you can to support them in their endeavors. Typically, the first signs of things going south is a disinterested partner. Consider genuine excitement with his/her accomplishments. That person should be doing the same for you, of course.
-Give him or her something to look forward too. Meaning, always have something at least planned. Just finished a visit together? Start planning the next one - dates, events for what to do together, whatever. This should keep some focus on the relationship and it’s better than saying “Yeah, I have a G/BF in a far away land, but I don’t know when I’ll really see him/her again.” I understand this may be financially challenging (to physically visit every-so-often, I mean), but get creative. I know some couples who watch the same movie on TV/DVD together via phone/skype as a long distance “date”. Go to an event locally like a music festival and send them pictures etc if you can. This will let them know you want them involved in your life.
-Be open and willing to accept changes with your partner. Not everyone changes between the ages of 17 and 22-23, but a lot DO. I know I wasn’t exactly the same person personality-wise or aspiration-wise once I finished 4 years in the military. College can have similar effects. That’s the whole thing about sharing a life together - most couples married for 20, 30, 40+ years together have drastically changed as individals from the day they got married, but they’ve stuck around together and love each other more and more every day. Heck, when I married, my wife was talking about having at least 2-3 kids. Now, she feels like she wants no kids. This particular change can break a couple (it can actually be legal grounds for divorce – “She said she wanted to have kids when I married her, but now she doesn’t want to” will grant divorce proceedings), but I understand we will both change over the course of a lifetime. She might come back around and want a child or two, or adopt, but I know she’s my life partner so I want to accept her choices just as I expect her to accept mine. This doesn’t mean decisions are made lightly. I’m sure we will have many a conversation based on just this issue alone, but when we choose to stay together despite these changes, then I can be satisfied in life.</p>

<p>Best of luck to you and your significant other.</p>

Trust each other. That is key to making this work. My boyfriend lives and works at home and I am going to college 3 hours away. Granted it’s not as far a distance as Alaska to Colorado so we can see each other on weekends, but we trust each other completely and we both have the utmost faith in our relationship, so it works. You gotta have trust.

Either this relationship will work out, or it won’t.

So do those things you are already doing, but also make sure you take advantage of college life…doing stuff with friends, joining clubs, getting internships, etc.

Anything is possible.

But the odds of it lasting are very, very low.

While it’s unusual for high school relationships to survive distance and growth (or even lack of distance and growth - growth is always a given), it does happen. And sometimes it doesn’t work out in the short term, but couples reconnect later in life and it does; I know of several instances of that happening.

A friend of mine once wisely said that successful relationships are based on three things: luck, timing, and a bit of magic. To that I would add maturity (but that often is tied into the timing factor). Meeting the right person at the wrong time can sometimes work itself out later in life (and I don’t necessarily believe that there is only one right person). The pitfalls come when you meet the wrong person at the right time.