Please please please grade my essay before saturday's SAT!!!!

<p>Prompt: Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed? </p>

<p>Darwin was the first scientist to officially put forth the concept of natural selection, or survival of the fittest. He contended that those who had the most desirable traits and were more fiercely competitive were more likely to pass their genes on. In much the same way, success only comes to those who are extremely competitive.</p>

<p>In business, fierce competition is essential to success because it functions much in the same way as the natural world: only the fittest survive. This phenomenon in the business world is coined "social Darwinism." Nowhere was this more prevalent than during the late 19th century in America, where only big, competitive businesses could survive. Tow large companies that were able to outcompete their competitiors were the Standard Oil Company and the Union Pacific Railroad company. Each of these companies relied on cut-throat strategies to succeed: they bought out their competitors after lowering prices so that the competitors would not be able to stay in business. The Carnegie Steel company even went so far as to blackmail its competitors. As competitively ruthless as these companies were, they had one thing in common: each was wildly successful.</p>

<p>Even in high school, one can observe extreme competition. The formidable task of being accepted in "First Choice University" is now almost impossible, due to the fact that students today are willing to sacrifice all their leisure time studying to earn higher grades, test scores, and community service hours. The acceptance rate into Harvard this year was a mere nine percent, and that nine percent is out of an applicant of highly qualified students. There are students juggling six AP classes, orchesta and ballet practice, and tutoring programs for elementary school students. They are all competing to get into the university of their choice, and success only comes with sacrifice and a highly competitive mindset.</p>

<p>Also in literature we can see evidence that competition is needed for success. In "Lord of the Flies" by William Golding, the boys that are stranded on the island must work together, but also compete against one another to survive. To be successful in the art of survival, each boy must run faster than the other to catach the prized boar, or find more clever ways to build fires to keep warm. Like animals competing for essential resources, the boys on the island have to compete with one another for food and fire.</p>

<p>Humans by nature is selfish, and this leads to competition. While competition can seperate the strong from the weak, it is also undesirable in that it causes us to lose sympathy for other human beings. A highly competitive nature may lead to success, but at what cost?</p>

<p>ight, i never done these b4, but somethin i noticed is that ur intro/conc is kinda long (i was just taught to write shorter ones, so do whatever u like), and also, id nix the thing about college being so hard to get into and <em>, the reader will prbly be life, *</em>, this kid is whinen and i dont like it, so yea, maybe try to come up wit somethin dif from that, but overall, i guess id give it like a 9-10, somethin like that. i could very well be wrong, so someone correct me if i am</p>

<p>Excellent, a solid 11. 10-12 based on the graders.</p>

<p>Your conclusion does seem a bit rushed and doesn't sum up the main points of your essay. There are also a few very minor grammar mistakes (humans by nature are selfish). It is also quite lengthy, perhaps you didn't need all three examples. However, the length may work to your favor depending on the reader. An well developd thesis and relevant examples easily merits an 11.</p>

<p>Thanks. Anymore thoughts?</p>