Please rate/give advice on my personal statement!

<p>I am doing UC Prompt #2:Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>

<pre><code> For most of my life I was a chubby kid, with my heaviest being 160-165lbs from the 6th-9th grade. I would get teased all throughout my years in middle school, as I was the new kid who came in the 6th grade. This, added with the fact that I was not very mature and tried to make friends with the wrong people, whom I ended the relationship with, made 6th grade my loneliest year. This led to a constant negative image of myself and a low self-esteem for the many following years. What was worse was that every male in my father’s lineage has had Type 2 Diabetes, so I knew something had to be done. I did not want to be burdened for my whole life, when I could just prevent it.
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<p>I finally decided to change myself during sophomore year, where I joined the soccer team, and the summer after my sophomore year, where I started to prepare for the next cross-country season with summer practice. I ate well, I did not eat any sort of fast food or sugary juice that my parents were so keen on having weekly, I refused any of the sort. I ran, this was hardest part for me, but I persevered as a result of running on the weekends during the school year, P.E, and the amazing soon-to-be best friends that accompanied me. This I feel began the best years of my life. I did the Insanity work-out program, then I swam laps for atleast an hour (I was fortunate enough to live in a house with a pool). I lifted weights, I would usually run to my local L.A Fitness and back, to maintain and grow my muscles from all the cardio. </p>

<p>I ended up losing 20lbs of fat and gaining some back in muscle, from the beginning of my sophomore summer to my junior year summer. I felt and feel very accomplished that I was able to stick with the mentality of keeping myself healthy and changing 5+ years of physical unfitness. This experience has gifted me with a boost of confidence. I am now able to talk to the people around me more freely and be more social with them. This has allowed to do things like lead the newcomers and underclassmen in Cross-country; as a senior, and one of the top 10, it is my responsibility to keep their spirits high and teach them to be good runners. Social events are my favourite, I love to go to them and interact with friendly people, hopefully making their day, and mine, better. I am very happy with the way my life is going, and I hope it will only get better.</p>

<p>Not a good idea to post your essay on a public forum. Just saying…</p>

<p>As for the essay itself, I’ve noticed quite a few run-on sentences; some of the clauses in your sentences are just tacked on with commas and sound awkward.</p>

<p>I like the topic (though I’m probably biased because I’m a keen runner myself). </p>

<p>However, I agree with the above post and think you have far too many run-on sentences. You should have a teacher read/correct your essay.</p>