<p>This is around 500 words. I'm not smart or anything. I'm just a normal kid that received average grades and stuff but after visiting UC Irvine, I fell in love with that school and now I need to become valor to do well in school, SAT & ACT, and finally the UC statements. this is Prompt 1 BTW! Ill be glad to receive any kind of feedbacks! :D </p>
<p>It all began after I completed my first 50 push-ups in a row. After reaching one of my life goals, which was to break 50 push-ups, I enjoyed cranking out workout moves whenever and wherever, even if that meant I had to squats in the middle of the classroom. Fitness has always been my necessary evil. I abhorred it so much because of the torture it gave me after finishing an intense workout, but what I really learned was that it was necessary for me because it always gave me the desire to look forward to a new day and work for what I wanted to achieve.<br>
Growing up in a low-income family, my mom condemned me from going to the gym. After several months of begging, she finally purchased my first ever gym membership but it didnt last long. As I worked out with weights, I began to think to myself, Why am I working out in the gym when I have the whole road to run on, bars to do pull ups, and my arms and legs to do push-ups and squats? Canceling my gym membership after a week of purchase, I found a new interest in working out only with my bodyweight, which called calisthenics. The world of calisthenics fascinated me. I had never loved sweating and burning up so much until I was introduced to a playground in front of my house. Using only my imaginations, I figured out how to train myself just by using the bars, ropes, and my own body. Pull up by pull up, squat by squat; a smile grew on my face even through the pain of torture because it gave me an access to live a healthy and fit lifestyle.
Because I am the first person in my whole family to be interested in the world of fitness, I enjoy helping them out whenever they are in need, helping them is when I feel most accomplished with my life. Because of this, my ambition is to become a very successful fitness trainer who helps the world sweat out the abundant amount of fat covering their body. Being introduced to fitness was the best life experience I have faced considering it was there for me when I was down and will always be there for me in the future.
The world of fitness that I reside in is the engine to my life. I wont be able to function without it. Fitness has shaped my world positively and I hope to work my way towards my ambition, to become a successful fitness trainer and help others live healthy lifestyles.</p>
<p>Too, much, commas. Cut the super long sentences into coherent thoughts. For example, </p>
<p>“It all began after I completed my first 50 push-ups in a row. After reaching one of my life goals, which was to break 50 push-ups, I enjoyed cranking out workout moves whenever and wherever, even if that meant I had to squats in the middle of the classroom.”</p>
<p>Too long. The first sentence and the second can really be combined into one. Take out the word “cranking” it isn’t an informal essay. Whenever and wherever seems like a waste of words, replace them. Take the last fragment : “even if that meant I had to squats in the middle of the classroom.” and incorporate it into some other sentence. </p>
<p>I would write something in the lines of</p>
<p>“It began with one and soon into a set of fifty. My first fifty push-ups was something that I took extreme pride for. Once that goal was made, my eyes set on a new higher goal. For that goal, I exercised everyday, day and night, even during middle of class.”</p>
<p>Your topic itself seems good, however you need to show your passion of what you want to do as a fitness trainer. Talk about not just what you have done for yourself, but talk about how you are going to further your career if you were given a choice. Say something like you have a planner for others, or possibly given lessons already and their testimonies. These essays should be attempting to sell yourself a little, even if there isnt much (I kinda did that and I landed into UCSD).</p>
<p>Though I might be a little rusty and a bit unfamiliar with this certain topic (I was a transfer), but just work on the essay a little bit more, and you should be on your way to UCI. Good luck!</p>
<p>Next time, don’t post your essay online to be googled or copied. Do what everyone else here does and ask for readers you can PM your essay to.</p>
<p>This is a pretty narrow view of the prompt. It mostly doesn’t fit the prompt at all. Maybe it could with some drastic modification. You are missing an opportunity to expand a bit on your life. I think we can ‘get it’ about your workout without having an entire long paragraph on it. The last 2 paragraphs have redundancies.</p>
<p>As mentioned, you need to clean up your grammar and language and misuse of the word ‘condemned’. Tighten up your sentences, it kind of drags. Some editing will help a lot with flow and leave you room for other points.</p>
<p>I think you can make a better case for why fitness was a necessary evil for you at all. Some people avoid it entirely. And for how you got into it to the extent you did. I’m still unsure of that.</p>
But what do you think about this??</p>