Please, rate my essay from 2-12? Thanks!

Sat Essay Prompt: Should books portray the world as it is or as it should be?
Sat Essay Topic: Realism vs. Idealism

Many people have unrealistic expectations for themselves and are blind to the truth due to the fact that books aren’t portraying the world as it actually is. Inevitably, books influence the beliefs and views of individuals. Individuals grow up expecting that life is like a fairytale; they think they’ll most certainly fall in love and live a happy life. An increasing amount of adults are struggling with debt or money management.

Majority of people aren’t prepared when they are hit with the harsh reality of a situation. According to various studies done, 48% of marriages end up in divorces.Unfortunately, divorces have an immense toll on individuals, they often become depressed, addicted and diffident. People never worry about their marriages because their whole lives they have read that every story has a happy ending. Realistic books don’t prevent divorces from happening, but they do prevent emotional collapses by preparing individuals.

People enjoy reading stories in which characters travel the world and never have to worry about money. Sadly, studies have shown that over 40% of adults have money problems. We often like to think that our problems will magically resolve themselves, but the outcomes of our problems are fully in our hands. Realistic books don’t save you from paying your bank payments, but they do provide you with a truthful approach on how to save your money.

In our modern-day books are available to almost everyone, they are often primary sources of knowledge for people. Despite the fact that realistic books aren’t the most optimistic, they provide people with crucial information that can change their lives.

Way too many over-generalizations. Stop using “we” and instead make a claim. Make one statement and provide evidence of that through books you’ve read, experiences, and maybe background knowledge if you know about realism vs idealism.

Inevitably, books influence the beliefs and views of individuals. This is good! But you need to further explain the connection between reading realistic books and how that will better prepare you for the real-world as opposed to reading idealistic books.

Realistic books don’t prevent divorces from happening, but they do prevent emotional collapses by preparing individuals. --Preparing individuals for what?

People enjoy reading stories in which characters travel the world and never have to worry about money.
-It would be nice if you could provide some examples.

Sadly, studies have shown that over 40% of adults have money problems.
–What is a “money problem.”

We often like to think that our problems will magically resolve themselves, but the outcomes of our problems are fully in our hands.

–What problems? Can you explain this concept further. Not good to have generalizations: “we”, also don’t say “fully in our hands” that is a colloquilalism and is in the vernacular. Instead say we are responsible for overcoming our problems.

Lots of problems here.