Please Read :)

<p>Hello everyone! I have done a rough draft of my "why Tufts" essay and was wondering if you guys would care to critique it. All comments are welcome! Thanks!</p>

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<pre><code> The reasons by which I have chosen to apply early to Tufts University are myriad. One thing that drew me to apply was the location. Two summers ago, I visited Boston and instantly adored it. I decided right then and there that I wanted to go to College in the Boston area. Tufts’ student enrollment was also a major draw for me. I wanted the liberal arts experience, but with the academic opportunities that only a major university can offer. With this requirement in mind, my choices were severely limited, until I found Tufts. There are not many schools that are as scholastically excellent as Tufts and have a student population of fewer than 10,000. The educational environment is also an outstanding asset. Through research and informational meetings, I have come to learn of the existence of the Experimental College. No where else in the country can be found such an exceptional and unique program. Having such diverse courses available to the students fosters such an enlightened and academically nurturing atmosphere. Furthermore, the prospect of being able to enroll in courses offered at Boston College, Boston University, and Brandeis University provides an even greater diverse educational experience. Lastly, I am very fond of the highly advocates international study program. Being an avid traveler myself, I have always jumped at any opportunity to immerse myself in and explore new cultures. Tufts is, in my opinion, one of the most outstanding and extraordinary institutions of higher learning in the nation.
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<p>ok, i'm known for being pretty harsh with my criticism... get ready.</p>

<p>i find your style extremely stilted. Do you really say things like "The reasons by which I have chosen to apply early to Tufts University are myriad. " ???? How about "There are many reasons I am applying early decision to Tufts." Not that you would even include an opening sentence like this, because it's superfluous. I would just cut to the chase.</p>

<p>As I read your essay, what strikes me is how it sounds like you're just rattling off stuff you'd find in a Tufts catalog. As presented it's rather ho-hum. Have you visited? Did you sit in on a class or two? Talk to the kids and ask them about their Tufts experience? Find an activity that, if you were to go to Tufts, you'd be excited about participating in? I would try to personalize your responses more. Some examples of how to do this:</p>

<p>This paragraph:
"Through research and informational meetings, I have come to learn of the existence of the Experimental College. No where else in the country can be found such an exceptional and unique program. Having such diverse courses available to the students fosters such an enlightened and academically nurturing atmosphere."</p>

<p>Yikes! If you found Ex-College exciting your prose certainly doesn't reflect it, especially that first sentence. Tufts KNOWS it's an exceptional and unique program offering diverse courses, yadda yadda. Try something like, "After poring over countless college course catalogs to get a feel for prospective schools, it was a delightful surprise to read the quirky and fun offerings of Tufts' Experimental College, with titles, such as ________ and _____________ . "<br>
or
"The students I spoke with during my Tufts visit gave an overwhelming thumbs up to the Ex-College program. One was taking a class in _____<strong><em>, another in _</em></strong>_____. I'm intrigued and excited about the possibilities!" </p>

<p>Another faux pas:
"I wanted the liberal arts experience, but with the academic opportunities that only a major university can offer. With this requirement in mind, my choices were severely limited, until I found Tufts. There are not many schools that are as scholastically excellent as Tufts and have a student population of fewer than 10,000. "</p>

<p>This sounds like you're applying to Tufts because it was the only school that fit these requirements, sorta like saying, "My requirements were a school with no less than 3 types of frozen yogurt, an advanced basket-weaving class and a half-day of classes on Wednesdays." </p>

<p>In other words, either reword the "liberal arts with resources of a university" part or leave it out entirely.</p>

<p>And...about this mess:</p>

<p>"Lastly, I am very fond of the highly advocates international study program. Being an avid traveler myself, I have always jumped at any opportunity to immerse myself in and explore new cultures."</p>

<p>C'mon, do you really talk like this? Try something like:
"As an avid traveler who loves exploring new cultures, it's impressive that Tufts values and encourages immersion in foreign study so much that 60% (don't know the real number) of Tufts students study abroad during their junior year. " </p>

<p>Also, though I do understand that the location is appealing, I certainly wouldn't make that your first listed reason. Don't make the adcoms think "Sheesh, if he's so in love with Boston that he listed it first, why doesn't he just apply to Suffolk University or Emerson ED?" In fact, I wouldn't mention Tufts' location AT ALL except if you want to say something to tie it into the other reasons you give, e.g. reason 1, reason 2 reason 3, "and the culture and fun of Boston just a T ride away!"</p>

<p>So:<br>
1. Write like you speak
2. Personalize your reasons more
3. Somehow mention that you visited Tufts (if you actually did of course)
4. Make sure your reasons are specific to Tufts and Tufts only. </p>

<p>I'm rooting for you and want to make sure your "why Tufts" essay is as appealing as possible. I hope you find this helpful and not too harsh.</p>

<p>There's a "Why Tufts?" essay? The application really confuses me. I was trying to do it online, and I know tufts is on the common app so i did that...then there's a supplement part 1 and part 2?</p>

<p>thanks for your feedback! as I said, this was a rough draft. I wasnt sure whether to make it really formal or not, but now I know! Your critique really helps, ill make sure to make it sound more colloquial. It wanst too harsh, it was exactly what I was looking for. thanks again!</p>

<p>I believe there is only one supplement. Also, the "why Tufts" essay is not really an essay; it's a short answer question (that you can choose to regard as an essay) that is asked on the Early Decision form. So if you're not applying ED, don't worry about it. But if you want, you can write a similar thing about why you love Tufts in the additional information part of the app, which can be found both on the common app portion and on the supplement. </p>

<p>The reason you're thinking there are two supplements is probably because Tufts has a copy of the Common App on its website, along with the supplement. I hope that made sense.</p>

<p>Yes that made sense. Thanks!</p>

<p>I don't know what's on this year's application, but when my son applied ED round 2 last year, the essay was found on the application for ED only, and was mandatory. We didn't see it until someone mentioned it on CC, so it's easy to miss! Word count was not given, so I wouldn't call it a short OR long essay. I know my son struggled to keep it within 500 words, so it turned out rather long, but then again, he had a ton to say. :)</p>

<p>For a school like Tufts that really really wants kids who want them and not be used as an Ivy safety, I'd say it would be a great idea for anyone applying to prepare a "Why Tufts" type essay, even RD. For ED this essay is not only mandatory, but IMHO, the most important essay of all one prepares for Tufts.</p>

<p>kgordon: you're welcome, glad you took the critique in the spirit in which it was given, to help, not to hurt. good luck in your rewrites, and let me know if i can help.</p>

<p>JJSMOM, I am a best selling author.I have to say that I couldn't have done a better job than what you did. Congrats. Your reply was really quite concise yet stunning and practical. (Taxguy bows)</p>

<p>Gosh Taxguy... what a compliment! :::blush::: Thanks. :)</p>

<p>PS: I'm a published author also, but not a best selling one, I'm afraid. :(</p>

<p>Kgordon: I just reread your "unique" essay, the one about morning that you posted earlier. In that essay you have such a clear, beautiful voice, it's so obvious your words were chosen not to show off how well you can use a thesaurus but to give the reader a glimpse into what makes you YOU. it's hard to believe the same person wrote both that essay and this one! If you can use the same natural tone with THIS essay as you did in that essay, you will improve this one 1000000%</p>

<p>Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to try to do. I'll post a new one soon, but in the meantime y'all can go check out my revised "unique" essay!</p>

<p>jjsmom/taxguy: what are the names of the books that you published? I would love to check them out if I can =)</p>

<p>Hey Julia, you've got email :)</p>

<p>Jjsmom- I received it. Thanks so much! I checked it out on amazon.com and if I was looking at the correct book (is it a trivia book?), while it is may not be a best-seller, it appears to be very well received by the commentors on Amazon. I would read it but unfortunately, I have no interest in the topic (sorry! I mostly like classical music/opera). It sounds like a great book though so congratulations--it must have taken a long time to make it happen!</p>

<p>Thanx Julia, yep, the book is geared specifically toward my generation's music, though both my kids are excellent oldies music trivians themselves. I raised them well. :)</p>