<p>Score my SAT essay please :D</p>
<p>Words alone cannot describe the extent to which taking more responsibility to solve problems that effect our community is an indispensable factor of people's lives that contribute the development of the world. One should not fall prey to the fallacious misconception that people should be acted upon by events in society rather than making a contribution. Hence, it can be said with utmost confidence that responsibility is crucial to reach unparalleled heights of globa, human and society success - which is illustrated through history and literature.</p>
<p>We need look no further than "Death of a Salesman" in which Arthur Miller meticulously constructs an architypal failure, Willy Loman: he lives in a dilapidated home, his love for his wife is fading away, and his relationship between his two children is deteriorating. Despite being plagued by a myriad of adversities, Willy Loman decided that he will no longer allow his old age and traditional method of business hinder him from being the provider of the family. In act II, Willy approaches Howard, his long time adversary (who is more successful than Willy), for a job because Willy believed it was time for him to lay down his heavy ego and put food on the table. In the end, Willy eventually out-performs everyone in Howard's law firm and is offered a better job at Saint Hilton's. This example is significant because it marks the blue prints of Willy's life in which he decides to take responsible action to turn his adversities into opportunities. He solved a problem affecting his family; it shows that if everyone takes small steps, he or she can solve problems affecting larger communities, our global community.</p>
<p>Take as another example the so-called "remarkable" career of Dmitri Tobalski whose "groundbreaking" discovery of the particle duality of electrons. Like e trite maxim: all you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; success is sure, Tobalski's success is a misnomer because his so-called discovery was not his own. Tobalski was a reserved individual and did not like to share his innovations with other scientists. He was often consumed in his own world; he like to carry out off, useless research. As a scientists/researcher at the University of Zenit Petersburg, Tobalski was irresponsible as he conducted research out of personal interest ,using funds from the government, rather than for the development of the Soviet Russia. At the end of his career, he amassed nothing and was charged with embezzlement but was oddly named the brainchild of particle duality for reasons we have yet to discover. This example accentuates that if people take action driven by personal needs rather than for the betterment of our community, their lives will be meaningless.</p>
<p>An indisputable reality of life is that responsiblity to improve our community is, indeed, essential. In final analysis, responsible action, motivated to improve our society, is the spark that will ignite the engines of modern society.</p>
<p>The reason why my second paragraph sounds odd and doesn't fit the question is because this is my universal template. I memorize most of it and change the story so that it 'answers' the question. Should I change the subject of paragraph 2? I think it would be better to make it general like the first example. Any ideas?</p>