Please! score my essay out of 12!! #1 (P.S. I love you Donnykim)

<p>"should people take more responsiblity for solving problems that affect their communities or nation in general?"</p>

<p>Worlds alone cannot express the extent to which people often neglect social issues that are widespread in their community. One should not, however, fall prey to the negligent attitude that is thereby acceptable or excusable. All people should take responsible action to improve and solve problems concerning not just the "self" but also the "selves". Hence, it can be said with utmost confidence that responsible action is indispensable in our lives. Several social and historical examples will support this claim.</p>

<p>We need look no further than the play "successful failure" in which the author Heather Brooke's meticulously constructs an architypal failure, Willy Townsend: he lives in a dilapidated home, his love for wife is fading away, and his relationship with his two children is deteriorating. His life is plagued by a myriad of adversities. In analysis of Act III, Willy failed to notice his son's rebellious behavior towards his teachers, rather, he was so unconcerned about his son's education and allowed it to continue. He is engulfed in a deluded world and thus his failure to take responsiblity to educate his son (both morally and intellectually) lead to self destruction when, ironically, his son was rejected by all Universities; his family spiraled down from this moment. This example is significant as it indirectly indicates that if people do not take responsibility of minor things, it will inevitably make the problem more severe. Tis is portrayed by Willy's negligence leading to his family's collapse.</p>

<p>Take as another example, Martin Luthar King who marked the blue prints of American equality. In 1957, Luthar was an ordinary Blackman who had grown sick of inequality eminent in the USa. Like the trite maxim: "a journey of a thousand miles start with the first step", King decided that he would not allow himself to be shackled and drawn to the debasing treatment/ notion about the Black community by the Whites. He initiated thousands of non-violent protests that inundated the whole of America. His responsible action and never-say-die-spirit sparked the engines of change and enfranchisement. This example is significant as it portrays that taking the small step of a thousand miles is the trait if a change-maker and problem-solver.</p>

<p>An indesputable reality of life is that taking responsible action is crucial for human development and problem solving. In final analysis, responsible action is the spark that will ignite the engines of development so people should take careful action for solving problems that affect their lives, family, community and nation.</p>

<p>Please give me feedback and areas of improvement. :) :D thanks</p>

<p>8/12.</p>

<p>A few sentences in your intro are so complex that they seem forced - you lose clarity in what you’re saying.</p>

<p>Your first example is a bit weak - nowhere else in literature you could’ve quoted from?</p>

<p>I like your vocabulary in general - very appropriate usage.</p>

<p>Although it is holistic grading, you slightly deviate from the question in your first example… potentially more focus on community and national as opposed to personal life and national…</p>

<p>Some spelling errors (even in the first word) hinder the general flow - eg LuthEr, Words, indisputable etc.</p>

<p>Overall, solid effort.</p>

<p>Well, if I had I known that the irritating manner in which you bombard my emails with a deluge of childish threats was just a sign of your overwhelming homosexual affection for me, you should have said so. </p>

<p>And if you’re going to use MY TEMPLATE (Yes, I made the template back in 2007) and pass it off as your own, then you should do so properly.</p>

<p>As I was reading through your first example and tried to figure out what kind of crappy play the teachers in your “dilapidated” public school were making you read, I stopped and realized that no such play exists because it is YOUR STORY! Hah. It almost broke my heart!</p>

<p>So since you asked me to help you with your essay, here’s my best try: </p>

<p>“Should people take more responsiblity for solving problems that affect their communities or nation in general?”</p>

<p>Words alone cannot express the extent to which people often neglect social issues that are widespread in their communities. One should not, however, fall prey to the misconception that such a negligent attitude is thereby acceptable or excusable. All people should take responsible actions to improve and solve problems concerning not just the “self” but also the “selves.” Hence, a keen sense of civic duty that is not just confined to one’s community or nation but applicable in all aspects of our lives, even within the structure of one’s family, is indispensable. </p>

<p>We need look no further than the play “Successful Failure,” a story in which the author Heather Brooke’s meticulously constructs an archetypical failure Willy Townsend, to substantiate the aforementioned statement. An abusive drunk who lives in a dilapidated home in the slums of Chicago, Willy hates his oldest son, an detestable reflection of his own failures in life. His love for wife is also quickly fading and his relationship with his other two children is rapidly deteriorating. Having immigrated from Korea only 2 years ago, Willy despises his life, which is plagued by a myriad of adversities. In an analysis of Act III, Willy fails to notice his son’s rebellious behavior towards his teachers; rather, he is wholly unconcerned about his son’s education and allows the deviant criminal behaviors of his son to pass unnoticed. The deranged father is engulfed in a deluded world; thus, his failure to take responsiblity to educate his son (both morally and intellectually) leads to the destruction of his family when, ironically (not really ironic to me), his son is rejected by all universities and goes on a shooting rampage at his high school; from then on, his family spirals into an abyss of indescribable misery and abject poverty. This example is significant as it indirectly indicates that if people do not take responsibility for solving problems that are not just limited to the community but festering right at home, failure to do so will inevitably exacerbate the problem. Such a valid assertion is portrayed by Willy’s negligence towards his own family, leading to the destruction of the “Americandream” 34 times over.</p>