Please score my essay!

<p>Thank you in advance guys! I'm taking my SAT in January >.<</p>

<p>Prompt: Should people emphasize their differences from other people in order to be successful? </p>

<p>Success is such a trait that has a personal definition; those who aim for success in school, work, or personal relationship may measure their success through the amount of money they gain at the end of the day, the level of happiness they reach at a given time, or the prestige they can successfully call as their own. Certainly those who wish for success in their personal affairs must emphasize their differences from other people, provoking a differentiating personal brand or style. Throughout history and literature, it is well proven that those who are considered successful are also those who develop unique characteristics to make themselves stand out from other people.
While following the social norm is a safe bet as far as being accepted into society, those who develop a personal brand are seen to be, at an extent, more successful. In the 1920s, Harlem in New York was undergoing a Renaissance, also known as the Harlem Renaissance. Many African Americans attempted to make a living as successful artists, but the white-dominated society made it incredibly difficult for an African American painter to even showcase his or her work. Many artists started drawing scenes that they felt would be successful with the whites, such as scenery and white heritage. On the other hand, men such as Langston Hughes spoke out, stating that African Americans should certainly stay attached to their own heritage and culture. Needless to say, Langston Hughes became one of the Harlem Renaissance’s most renowned poets, and by differentiating himself from the other artists, writers, and poets, Hughes stood out from them due to his unique way of thinking.
In In the Time of Butterflies by Julia Alvarez, the Mirabel sisters are strict advocates of fair rule under the dictatorship of El Trujillo. While everyone else in the community quivers in fear at the name of this dictator, the Mirabel sisters make it their duty to revolt against the man who killed their fellow citizens for no reason. The Mirabel sisters were called “butterflies”, and by following through with what they believed, the sisters built their own success.
Success is definitely marked by the gap of differences with other individuals. Given that every individual in a community was the same; how would one be more successful than another? As large businesses define themselves through the differentiation of their products from those of other companies, people are defined the exact same way.</p>

<p>bump although idk how many people would waste their night here</p>

<p>BUMP 10 CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAr</p>

<p>bump…</p>

<p>Very good overall. I’d give this one a 5. Other than a misuse of a semi-colon in your conclusion, everything looks pretty solid. Your example with the “butterflies” isn’t the most clear to me, but I still think you did a fairly good job. Good luck!</p>

<p>Thank you! (:</p>

<p>I’d give this a 4 or a 5. You need a little more detail, especially in the third paragraph.</p>

<p>I´d give a 5.</p>

<p>I’d give this a 9/12. To improve it, I would recommend linking the two body paragraphs together better, and fleshing out the second body paragraph more (although that might be because you ran out of time?)</p>

<p>If possible, could you look over my essays (found on page 6 and 7 of the Free Essay Scoring topic)?</p>