<p>I got into the program, but I'm not going. I hope it helps all you potential applicants to know that, apparently, this was good enough.</p>
<p>Most high school seniors are unsure about eventual career choices. What factors led you to decide on a career in medicine? And why did you choose to apply to the PLME in pursuit of this career?</p>
<p>When I was growing up, my parents would take me to the hospital where they worked, but all I remember is that it was a fun place for Christmas parties. As a fan of medical television like House, MD, and Scrubs, I decided in high school to explore medicine for myself. Volunteering in a local emergency department, I became privy to a different side of health care, past the science of blood gas measurements and pupil dilations. What fascinated me was the unique language in the hospital delineating a divide from the rest of the world. Turfing inconvenient patients, nurses soothing the most hysterical of people, and skeptical doctors sniffing out drug seekers-all highlighted medical terminology and knowledge not found in any textbooks. Part of this manipulation of language seemed, at times, cold and detached- for example, “practice,” which can mean allowing an intern to try CPR on a person long gone. Referring to the patient in room 11 by the diagnosis of “chest pain” instead of his name protected confidentiality, but it struck me still as lacking the warmth I thought health care was supposed to embody. Then I saw my first dead body. “FULL TRAUMA” sounded overhead, and a few minutes later paramedics hopped off the ambulance and wheeled the patient into the trauma bay, performing CPR the entire time. After they called it, I was left to stare at a nameless, lifeless person who had, an hour ago, been as alive as I. I don’t remember now what he looked like, but I’ll never forget the ER nurses and techs making jokes during the process, seemingly unaffected by the haunting specter of death that so disturbed me. Looking back, their behavior was far from callous, though. I have realized that people in the profession use euphemisms of language, dark humor, anything at all, in order to protect themselves. Even simple things like calling the dead “deceased,” dehumanize the process and let workers do their jobs, day in and day out. The special diction and use of language is a barrier guarding their own humanity. That is the basis of health care, the human relationship between two sides—patients and professionals, giving and taking, both in search of the elusive goodness in everyone. Thus I believe I have found a way of life that I wish to explore. This decision was not instant, but rather a culmination of my experiences in the hospital as a volunteer and intern. The euphoria I feel from helping a patient is an emotion I desire to sustain my entire life. And any opportunity to ensure me the privilege of entering this complex world, where life and death interact daily, is one that I value highly, especially a program such as the PLME. The years in undergraduate spent with a secure position in medical school would not be filled with complacency, however. My confidence in my future would allow for greater pursuits of a variety of activities, research and internships, and in the end, equip me to be a better student, doctor, and person.</p>
<p>The Brown Medical School's mission states that our physician graduates will 'regard medicine as a profession, not just a trade, as a humanitarian pursuit, and unique lifetime experience.' What is your vision of a physician? How do you view your role as a future physician?</p>
<p>The interplay between moving forward and giving up, the struggle to hold onto hope, is what draws me in toward medicine. I love the field’s demand for expertise, skill, as well as an essential love for fellow mankind. Medical science, with the latest knowledge of the genome and molecular structures, is leading a revolutionary progression to better health care. Yet with all the advancements in technology, uncertainty remains-surgeries fail, people supposed to die live twenty years longer. I think the striving to beat the odds is quite sobering; it reminds that, in the end, man fights a losing battle against forces he cannot entirely control. But that is what makes medicine so beautiful. When one finally gets that win, the success of prolonging and improving life, something extraordinary happens. It all becomes worth it. Thoughtful and passionate humans, everyday people, have bonded to help other people in their time of need. Thus, it has become clear to me the difference between merely possessing medical knowledge and practicing medicine. The doctors I have observed and shadowed are so much more than repositories of facts and figures; most importantly, they care. Viewing themselves as humans first and doctors second, they put themselves not on a pedestal, but on the same level as the patient. Their compassion, comprehension, and shared decision making are fundamental to every patient-relationship. With massive malpractice insurance, sleep-deprived hours, and other stresses, physicians are constantly reminded of their fallibility-but they do their best with what they are given, because there is no other alternative. They must fulfill their purpose; it is their ever-satisfying calling. Working in the hospital’s trauma/neuro Intensive Care Unit, I have been cleaning up various bodily fluids, changing patients’ clothes, even brushing their teeth. These glamorous tasks have given me an appreciation of each and every component of health care, as I search for a calling of my own. I wish to jump right into this world of brains and hearts and stomachs, for the simultaneous critical thinking and consideration it requires is everything I cannot wait to pursue. The problem solving of determining diagnosis, prognosis, and treatment is of a vital nature, but equally as important is the art of being with people and understanding them. I hope to someday be a part of a new generation of doctors, aided by innovations of the 21st century, but still strongly cognizant of the social responsibilities of our newfound roles in serving humanity. It may take years to decode the PDR, MCATs, and DSMs of this environment, but something more universal is my focus and motivation—the role of doctors as experts, friends, and most of all, healers, which I believe transcends all languages and encompasses the beauty of human life.</p>