Plz grade my essay! Should we pay more attention to people who are older

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>Prompt: Should we pay more attention to people who are older and more experienced than we are?</p>

<p>We often face many obstacles in our lives. Most of the time, we seek others advices on what to do. And most of the people from whom we seek advices are adults or someone older and has more experience than us. Because, their unique experiences can tell us very important things that we may have overlooked, we should pay attention to people who are older and more experienced than we are.</p>

<p>More experience often means more knowledge and broader scope to view a problem. For example, right after 9/11 I was an active supporter of war against Middle East countries, believing that we should pay them back for what they have done. However, listening to my grandfather’s story, my view of war changed completely. My grandfather was a Korean War veteran. He had seen many cruelties of war, like people’s arms being severed from bombs, buildings being crushed. Knowing the cruelty and devastation that comes after the war, my grandfather argued against the war. This experience of my grandfather is very unique and it is something that people of my age would have never experienced. Like this, people older and more experienced than us can tell us very different aspects of a problem.</p>

<p>Another example is when my brother chose his career. My brother was very interested in astronomy. However, he was looking for a career in other more practical fields like business although he was not very interested in them. He feared that when chose a career in the field of astronomy he would not be able to earn much power and wealth. Then, my parents said to him, “Do what you really like to do; follow your heart. Power and wealth are only temporary and they do not make you happy.” Heeding my parents’ advice, my brother now studies astronomy in college and he enjoys it a lot. In this case, my parents’ experience of having careers and earning money taught my brother to follow his true dream of astronomy.</p>

<p>Listening to elder’s advice can also be seen in literatures. Chinua Achebe’s novel ‘Things Fall Apart’ is about a story of African tribes by the time when they first encounter Europeans. In the novel, when tribes are having conflict with others they seek for advices from the tribes’ oldest members. Elders, judging from their profound experiences and knowledge, tell tribe members to go on a war or not. This scene demonstrates well how wise elders are and how they can make sound judgments.</p>

<p>In conclusion, people who are older and more experienced than us can give us many lessons and teach us many things that we overlooked. As a Turkish proverb says, “If you do not know what to say, say what your elders said.”</p>

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<p>Have sat on next sat urday…</p>

<p>Plz help!!</p>

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<p>any one who is generous enough to help me?</p>

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<p>well it looks long enough to cover 2 pages and you wrote on topic, so im guessing that you can get atleast 10/12 because ive read that if you fill 2 pages of relevant info you get atleast a 10.</p>

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<p>You still have the same problem. You have the structure down, but your English skills hold the essay back. This isn’t a problem that you can fix over a week. However, I’ll give you a few pointers that you should follow during your test:</p>

<p>1) When you compare stuff, make sure you’re using the correct pronouns. The easiest way to tell what case your pronouns should be in is to complete the sentence. For example, “And most of the people from whom we seek advices are adults or someone older and has more experience than us” should be “… has more experience than we have”. You don’t have to write “have”, but I recommend completing the sentence in your head to make sure you’re using the correct pronoun.</p>

<p>2) Avoid dangling modifiers. Whenever you write a participle phrase (something like “listening to my grandfather’s story, my view…”), make sure that it’s describing what you want it to describe. Obviously, you were the one listening to the story, and therefore, the sentence should read “listening to my grandfather’s story, I realized my views are quite limited…” </p>

<p>3) Misuse of articles (a, the, an). Because there aren’t clear guidelines for when to use articles, I can’t simply give you a set of rules. </p>

<p>4) Avoid verbosity. Most of the time, shorter sentences are more impactful than long ones. Omit unnecessary words to keep your sentences short and forceful. For example, the sentence “In conclusion, people who are older and more experienced than us can give us many lessons and teach us many things that we overlooked” could easily be shortened to “In conclusion, older, more experienced people can teach us many things we may overlook”. It’s not the greatest of sentences, but I think you know what I mean.</p>

<p>5) Errors in verb tense. You should know the rules for not just the essay section, but also the grammar section. Read silverturtle’s guide please.</p>

<p>Good luck on your test. I still think this is a 9/12.</p>