Hello,
I am trying to learn about post-divorce mediation in New Jersey (which has relatively strict requirements for divorced parents to pay for college). I think I may need to use mediation to determine a fair amount to pay towards my child’s college education. My divorce agreement states that my ex-spouse and I are obligated to contribute equally. My ex has proposed an annual amount that they are evidently comfortable with, but which I think is imprudent/unsustainable, especially with other children who will need our support later. My ex has custody of the children (technically its joint custody, but the kids are with them the majority of the time), so I pay child support. My ex also makes a larger salary than I do.
My ex is not pushing for us to cover the full amount for a private school, even though that is where our child is planning to go. They are proposing that we split the cost of what we estimate is the price of the biggest state school here, Rutgers. That idea itself is reasonable to me, but I honestly think that my child support payments need to be considered in the equation. Child support is going to directly help my child with their expenses while at school. And these are not being factored in by my ex, so I think we may need to mediate.
I’d appreciate your thoughts and advice.
Thanks…
j
Wont’ child support for THAT child end when he/she leaves high school? You’re paying X amount, and there are younger kids, so won’t that X amount “reduce”?
If not, why not? Does NJ require NCP’s to pay support throughout college? If so, then YES, the amount for that child should be considered as part of the contribution towards college.
For instance, if you pay 900 a month for 3 kids, then how much would you pay for 2 kids? 600? or is there another calculation method?
If 300 a month would be paid for that child’s support during the college years, then YES, that would be like 300 a month going towards that child’s room and board. But, likely you would be on the hook for the 300 a month when the child is home for summer.
How many kids do you have? Has your ex remarried? Will your child qualify for any aid or merit?
Yes, I am required to pay child support through college. I failed to do my homework when I agreed to that - it may be a standard thing in New Jersey, or I let myself get run over on that point.
I’m not comfortable to share too many family details in public view…I will PM you…
Thanks for the reply.
Doesn’t sound like the decree states whether child support is included in your part of “equal” in which case you are probably on the hook for both. It doesn’t sound like you are obligated to a certain amount for college though. You might have to say because you still have to pay support you cannot afford to pay your half of the Rutgers amount, but something less. How old is the kid? I hope she is a sophomore and you have time to work this out and communicate realistic expectations before she starts looking at schools.
If she is looking at privates and none of you are willing to pay for that, how is she expecting to cover the shortfall?
For an example my state dictates each parent shall be obligated to 1/2 the COA of the state flagship. Child support is only required to be paid until the child is eighteen. Parents can create their own agreement that could be more generous than the legal requirements.
In my case both my children were under 18 when they went to college so child support continued until they were 18 and it was not credited towards tuition payments.
The noncustodial parent paid 1/2 of actual college expenses up to the maximum of 1/2 flagship COA - then the student and custodial parent had to pay any extra. D1 had merit and FA (at a private college) that netted payments less than the cost of the instate flagship so each parent paid less. D2 had net costs that far exceeded the cost of flagship so the custodial parent paid far more than the noncustodial.
In your case it might be fair to ask that your support payments after age 18 (for that child) be credited towards tuition and your payment be equal to 1/2 Rutgers COA. It depends on your states regulations of post majority support.
I hope both you and ex can figure out what you and ex can afford to contribute, taking into account younger kids going to college later, and then make sure that each kid knows what the contribution limit is before applying, so that each kid can evaluate financial aid (net price calculators) and potential merit scholarships when building their application lists. It will not be a comfortable situation in April of the kid’s senior year if s/he only gets into too-expensive colleges. Nor will it be a comfortable situation later if the parental contributions to younger kids’ college are limited due to overspending on the first kid’s college.
I would definitely push to have the child support for THAT kid go towards college costs for at least the 10 months at school.
What does your decree say in regards to WHO gets the support once the child is out of high school? The CP or the adult child?
I think you have some gray area to deal with…When the decree says “half” but doesn’t specify WHICH school, why can’t you argue for the half to be the cheapest school in NJ (if you also still have to pay CS)???
Plus, what does the half apply to? COA??? or Tuition, room, board??? COAs are padded and would certainly include costs that the CS should go towards.
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They are proposing that we split the cost of what we estimate is the price of the biggest state school here, Rutgers.
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You need to say “no” to that in light of the fact that you’d still have to pay $XXX a month for CS for that child. That is your bargaining chip right there.
It sounds like you each have to just contribute equally, but no particular school or amount is mentioned. So…what if each side said that they can only pay - say - $5k?? would that fulfill the agreement or does the amount have to total the cost of at least one school???
Obviously, one side can choose to pay “more”, but does doing so then obligate the other side to pay more? for instance, if you both agree to pay $12k per year, but then Johnny wants to go to a pricier school and the CP says that they’ll pay more for that, does THAT obligate you? I would be worried that that might come back to haunt you if you don’t get something in writing that their decision to pay more at a pricier school does not obligate you now or at a later time.
And what about merit? Can you suggest that the child attend a school where some merit would be awarded and then costs split?
There has been a decent merit scholarship awarded, which itself is almost worth the full price of Rutgers…but still leaves the total cost much higher than RU would be.
There really is a lot of grey area in the wording of the divorce decree. I don’t know how much the support lessens after each child is emancipated. Nothing is stated about the child ever receiving support directly. The emancipation is not until after four years of college, if they choose to go. It doesn’t say what happens if college is delayed. I’m guilty of being lazy and rushing the divorce to be over with, so ambiguities like that escaped my notice.
I’m going to try to negotiate with my ex, and I fully expect to need mediation.
You need a consult with a good NJ family lawyer FIRST (like, NOW) so that you know what your responsibilities and rights are, and get guidance on how to balance the needs of the younger kids, before proceeding with discussions or making any promises. That lawyer needs to see your particular divorce papers, and would know NJ law, which is different from the law of many states on emancipation and higher ed. Consider the cost of the consult as the first of the college expenses.
For those readers from other states, Rutgers is about $26,000 in-state, and the NJ state directionals are about $25,000 in-state. No bargains here in NJ.