<p>Wow did that actually work?!</p>
<p>don't know. i hope so???</p>
<p>haha, is it that bad?</p>
<p>hrhcow, I actually really like your essay, but I've always loved that type of characterization in general (describing someone--or something--through a series of seemingly minor details). It's vivid, detailed, and shows your personality, which is what it's supposed to do... I don't know what the admissions officers will think, but I enjoyed reading it.</p>
<p>I'm embarrassed to admit that this was actually my Common App essay. I was happier with it than with anything else I'd written, and if you squint at it enough it fits the prompt quite nicely.</p>
<hr>
<p>Don’t play what’s there, play what’s not there.
Miles Davis (1926-91)</p>
<p>In Foreign Ministry parlance they call it going native. It’s what happens when a statesman commits the ultimate indiscretion: letting his eyes linger a moment longer than appropriate on the seductive outline of a foreign shore, inhaling unfamiliar scents like an exotic perfume, and without exactly realizing it, agreeing to spend the night—only in this case it might be a decade or a lifetime.</p>
<p>My illicit affair with the United States began innocently enough in the spring of 2001, which was when it became a possibility for the first time. “Sweetie, how would you feel about maybe moving to America?” I pictured lush, undulating hills, a big white house, and horses. “Oh,” I answered. “Fine, I guess.” I was already teaching myself English. My class at school had trailed off at irregular verbs, but Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban hadn’t been translated into Swedish yet, and learning to read it in English seemed easier than waiting. </p>
<p>Being the daughter of two diplomats means having to be cavalier about things other people take very seriously, like moving to a different continent with three months’ notice. You go along with things; that’s the whole point. You keep your bags packed—you’ll learn the language when you get there—and if nothing else, you’ll have a story to tell. (“I lived in Moscow when the Soviet Union fell. A Russian activist set my house on fire—no, I’m serious!”) It isn’t so much that you learn to live with the uncertainty as it is that you don’t know anything different.</p>
<p>The cardinal rule of diplomacy, then, is to never, ever get attached, and that applies to people as well as to countries. I’d always taken a pragmatic approach to friends: I liked having them, but when every other aspect of life was time-limited, expressions like best friends or friends forever seemed to lose some credibility. Then there are experiences that seem bound to end in friendship regardless of your objections, and getting lost together on the way to science class the first day of seventh grade is one of them. </p>
<p>I gave up pragmatism. I made more friends. I joined the newspaper staff. I took classes that made me think and write and cry with frustration and grin absurdly when I realized my efforts had paid off. </p>
<p>At seventeen, I’m finally accepting that I’ll never be a native anything. I’m a Swedish citizen, but when I visit, I’m as much of a stranger there as I am in most parts of the United States. (“Wait, you said you’re from Switzerland?”) I used to find this daunting, but I’m learning that it doesn’t have to be. Instead of question marks and empty spaces, I’ve started to see the possibilities.</p>
<p>I’d love to tell you I had an epiphany; that one day, a sudden moment of insight made everything crystallize. Truthfully, though, I think I mostly arrived there by talking to some people and reading lots of books and thinking too much at night when I couldn’t sleep. Maybe it’s part of growing up that suddenly the things that used to scare you just don’t seem so dangerous anymore—and to me, that meant realizing that where I fit in isn’t half as interesting a question as where I want to go. </p>
<p>I don’t exactly have an answer right now, but I’ll get back to you when I do.</p>
<p>I hope your essay works hrhcow! I was extremely skeptical at first because it sounds (stylistically) like a 14 year old girl's myspace 'about me,' but after looking at again it seems like you stuffed it with enough intellectual beef to turn it around in your favor. Best of luck.</p>
<p>RE: Camelianensis and hrhhcow, I don't think the issue with the essay is so much that it's a bit offbeat but that that form of whimsical, stream-of-consciousness narrative, especially one that lists is somewhat common and, I'm willing to venture, more often than not, handled poorly.</p>
<p>I think hrhcow's is a very good example (the details actually are very whimsical and perceptive as opposed to cookie-cutter "quirky") but could initially try an adcom's patience. I think if they got into it though they'd like it a lot.</p>
<p>cameliasinensis - I really love your essay! Wow... especially the first paragraph! Very interesting! I could really relate to everything you said being an expat myself (lol, even though that's not the point of your college essay...). Man, your essay made me jealous... I actually wrote on a similar idea, but I wrote about not having a real home to return to for the Helade prompt instead. </p>
<p>Speaking of which, what interpretations did you guys have for the Helade prompt?</p>
<p>schitz, thanks for the compliments! :) I'm so self-conscious about my writing, and hearing that just made me feel a little better about my general prospects (y'know, getting in and all that). I'd love to read yours, too, if you feel comfortable posting it.</p>
<p>I guess I can post mine. It's written to the Mad Hatter/brunch prompt. It's nothing crazy or exciting, but I guess it highlighted my love of art and literature, which was made clear throughout the rest of the application. And I guess it worked. So, [drumroll], here it is.</p>
<p>It had been raining for days, a late summer rain, a sad, sticky foretelling of the fall, the cold, and the turning of the season. A sort of gray melancholy had settled over Paris - and seemingly over all the world; but that was irrelevant. To all appearances, that languid darkness had yet to touch the Left Bank. The Left Bank was a world unto its own, a tiny microcosmic community filled with would-be geniuses, each brimming with his own supposed artistic promise and armed with ideals that undertook to save both modern art and society together. The old guard had had their Montmartre; indeed, one could still find, on a given evening, the bourgeois relics of the literary world dining on their fine meals at their fine restaurants, families in tow and perfectly respectable. But this was Montparnasse. Here they had good, rich food and cheap wine, generally all they could afford, always keeping in mind that hunger made for good art. This was the Dome, already full - and in the middle of the morning no less - teeming with unknown faces, many of them Americans and likely every one of them his own genius.</p>
<p>It was supposed to be a brunch, an actual event, replete with a full spread of good French food and cheap drinks: crusty breads and fragrant cheeses, perhaps a pate flavored with wild herbs and spices, accompanied, of course, despite the hour, by wines of all varieties and a deep French coffee, darker than death. There was even an invitation, albeit open-ended, extending hospitality to "the 'geniuses' of Montparnasse." In reality, however, it was not so different from any other mid-morning at the Dome. The food, the drinks - and most of all, the 'geniuses' - were typical. A few true artistic luminaries would certainly be present, in addition to the countless other long-since nameless faces of the Lost Generation. Hemingway and Robert McAlmon would be discussing the races, or perhaps the previous evening's boxing match, which would inevitably lead to exaggerated reminiscences of their own glory days - in the war, in the ring, on the field. Naturally, those glory days would grow ever more glorious over a steady stream of drink. Of course, one would need only to listen any which way to hear hundreds of such reminiscences, as most of the residents of Montparnasse had, at some bygone point, won the fight of the century, or single-handedly defeated an entire enemy army, or in some other way saved the world. </p>
<p>The Fitzgeralds were in town and there was some apparent tension between Scott and Hemingway, though Zelda, the quintessential flapper, was ever charming and lovely. While the men would ostentatiously avoid each other, she would be flitting from table to table, chatting with the women and flirting with the men, her light, musical laugh welcome in any corner of the cafe. Ford Maddox Ford would likely make an appearance, ever a bit pompous and overstuffed, bearing an open invitation to his bal-musette that evening, attempting to hold his place with the moderns yet so clearly of the old guard. Others would be there in name: Someone would certainly be discussing, perhaps with a touch of disdain, Gertrude Stein and her unreadable monstrosity of a novel, The Making of Americans. Joyce's Ulysses would likely spring up as a topic as well. It was, after all, generally supposed to be the greatest literary achievement of the age.</p>
<p>Besides the writers, there were also the artists: Hilaire Hiler, Jean Cocteau, Man Ray... And every artist had his muse. Kiki would be there, surrounded, as ever, by a constant circle of admirers. Perhaps she would be wearing something crazy, or her eyebrows would be blue or even gone entirely. She was fun, fresh, and delightfully uninhibited; who didn't love Kiki? By far the largest artistic presence, the Surrealists would also provide the greatest spectacle. The highlight of the morning for many at the Dome would be the inevitable Surrealist brawl, taking place likely among themselves, though if all happened to be in a particularly charming mood, they would happily settle for their ritual nun-taunting as a fair alternative.</p>
<p>Though the Dome never emptied entirely, the party would, of course, at some point begin to fade. But, excepting the select few who held some discipline in their artistic pursuits, the geniuses of Montparnasse generally did not work; they had very few pressing engagements. Likely nowhere else had there ever been such a gathering of "artists" who had never in their lives created a piece of art. Thus, they simply re-conglomerated elsewhere, drifting almost nomadically from cafe to cafe, from bar to bar, and perhaps even a salon or two. In fact, most would see each other again - several times, even - throughout this day and the next, at the Dingo, the bal-musette, the theatre, and even back again at the Dome.</p>
<p>estella, that was lovely</p>
<p>there is something common in all these essays, i dont know if you guys tried "too" hard, or u tried just enough, i really cant tell ... but some essays do sound a bit forced ...</p>
<p>but hey, they're awesome :)</p>
<p>Please give me a lot of feedback. Oh, and in case you are not able to tell, I have chosen the math prompt. </p>
<p>........I am a function defined by my experiences and consequent education. Therefore, when represented graphically, my experiences serve as my horizontal axis and my education as my vertical axis. Thus, I plot the points of my life, exhibiting my educational growth. Therefore, my domain consists of all points in my life on the interval birth to death, and my range, which charts my level of education, consists of all points on the interval complete ignorance to absolute knowledge.
........Although my curve is generally continuous, I have a few holes that, although removable, can only be filled by personal growth. In other words, while I generally learn from my experiences and live my life accordingly, there are certain aspects of my life that I continue to struggle with despite having had prior experience with them and learning from them. For example, as a teenager in a wealthy family, I struggle with materialism. All throughout elementary and middle school I wanted to become a doctor because I believed that the worst life was one of poverty. However, I have come to realize that not only are there worse things than poverty, but also that money cannot provide one with happiness, and in fact, that excessive amounts of money are usually detrimental to one?s life as money makes people jaded and incapable of finding happiness. Thus, I have changed my plans from becoming a doctor, which I initially chose because of my passion for science and desire for money, to becoming a professor and researcher because of my passions for teaching, which I recently discovered, and science. However, I continue to struggle with materialism as I find myself purchasing my clothes from certain stores exclusively, or paying more for certain items because they are a certain brand. Therefore, as my disappointment at my materialistic ways consumes me, I am left with a hole that can only be filled by finding the root of my problem and eradicating it through further change and thus, growth. However, regardless of the changes I make and growth I experience, there are always subconscious parts of my character that I cannot control as I am not cognizant of them. Therefore, I have a horizontal asymptote at absolute knowledge, for I am always coming closer to achieving it, but never will.
........As I am always trying to positively change in order to mature and grow, my derivative is always positive and I am a monotonic function. Furthermore, when represented as a differential equation I am homogeneous. In other words, in order to integrate me and develop a comprehensive understanding of me, one cannot separate me as a function from my attempts to improve myself, for I can only be fully understood in the context of my derivative.
........Calculating my integral and using it to find the area underneath my curve speaks volumes of my growth. The area underneath my curve illustrates my maturity in the context of my education, emphasizing the way in which both my education and experiences frame who I am, while also conveying their mere delineation of me and the importance of my growth in understanding me completely. Additionally, calculating the volumes of the solids I form when revolved around the horizontal and vertical axes furthers contributes to understanding me. Calculating the volume of the solid formed by revolving the region bounded by my curve, the horizontal axis, and the vertical line at present time about the education axis, reveals that I will always have more to learn. Furthermore, calculating the volume of the solid formed by revolving the region bounded by my curve, the horizontal axis, and the vertical line at present time about the experience axis reveals that education completes me and is the fulfillment I have always been searching for.</p>
<p>Sorry about the periods, I don't know how to indent on this forum. Thanks to everyone that replies.</p>
<p>I'm not entirely comfortable sharing my long essay, but here's what I wrote for the 'tell us about your favourite books/films/plays/whatever' prompt. </p>
<p>Any comprehensive list and description of the things that I love would span a few dozen pages, use an absurd number of superlatives and exclamation marks, and spend at least two paragraphs on each particularly notable metaphor, musical flourish, poetic device, or interesting camera-shot. The abridged version, however, includes T. S. Eliot's 'Burnt Norton' -- it's beautiful, sweeping, and muses most wonderfully on the nature of time (which is one of my pet quirks). Book-wise, somewhere near the top of that list is 'Soul Mountain', by Gao Xingjian, which is essentially word music -- lavish, expressive, wonderful, a whole host of other adjectives of that sort; and while it's more than a little confusing, its chaos adds to its charm; there's also 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency' by Douglas Adams, which might not be the most intellectual choice in the world, but which is rather delightful in its gleeful eccentricity, and use of the most powerful literary device on the planet -- the horse in the bathroom. (Better than an extended metaphysical construct any day, although some might argue that it is, in fact, an extended metaphysical construct.) Feynman's Lectures on Physics gain an honourable mention, because they're explanatory and fascinating, and manage to express science with intelligence and grace and humour -- usually in the same sentence. </p>
<p>There's also Vikram Seth's 'An Equal Music', which is a flawed book but nevertheless a lovely one; (to venture into the realm of the mildly hackneyed) contains an incredible love for music -- come to that, as far as music itself is concerned, I'm fantastically fond of Mozart's fifth string concerto. It's a beautiful piece, and manages to be grand without being grandiose; it's elegantly understated in places and stridently orchestrated in others, and it's reminiscent of a ballroom, and of the stars, and of a valley coming into slow and breathtaking view around the corner of a mountain, and of the beginning and end of the world. Mozart never wrote another concerto for strings afterwards, and rightly so -- he'd said it all. He didn't need to. </p>
<p>Not my best, but not my worst either.</p>
<p>Hmm.... that is an interesting way of doing it. I focused more on one thing.</p>
<p>I, too, only focused on one thing for my favorite art essay--but then again it was 550 words long!</p>
<p>Would someone please comment on my essay. I am curious as to what other people think of it.</p>
<p>can someone comment on mine too?</p>
<p>mjd21489, I think you have some pretty creative ideas in there, especially with labelling the axes with experience and education. Maybe some more precise mathematical terminology would have reduced some of the wordiness and made your sentences more concise (like with holes, did you mean point discontinuities? and with "the volumes of the solids I form when revolved around the horizontal and vertical axes" did you mean solids of revolution?), but the ideas are there. I personally would have struggled with this essay for hours... lol. You made good connections between yourself and math functions (it was all relevant to the prompt), which I would think is very difficult to do (at least for me).</p>
<p>Thanks for sharing your essay! I was curious to see how people interpreted the prompt.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for commenting. I really appreciate your comments, and yea, I absolutely agree with you on word choice. Word choice has always been one of my greatest weaknesses because of my limited vocabulary. That is actually the main reason I wanted feedback; most of the University of Chicago applicants have these huge vocabularies and can articulate their ideas effectively and beautifully while I struggle to put my ideas on paper. I was wondering whether the simplicity of my vocabulary would affect their perception of my essay, especially when compared to the other applicants' essays. Does anyone else have anything to say? I appreciate constructive criticism. Thanks in advance to anyone that replies.</p>
<p>hrhcow's essay:</p>
<p>I think your prompt is excellent in that it allows one to convey the deeper aspects of him or herself and emphasize what truly makes him or her different from other people, unlike some prompts which lead to people describing themselves through their experiences rather than through how they are different as a result of their experiences. I think you take advantage of this in that you illustrate, especially in the start, how you think in an unconventional way that frames your perceptions and shapes who you are as a person, illustrating how you are truly uncommon (speaking of which, do you guys think Chicago used "uncommon" not only to mean unique to Chicago, and seperate from the common application, but also as in Shakespeare's Hamlet, superior or noble?). On a similar note (no, I am not going to start talking about Much Ado About Nothing, lol jk), maybe you could be more creative with the specific examples you choose by choosing items or words that allow you to alliterate, and convey deeper aspects of your personality by choosing examples that allow you to do so. As far as vocabulary goes, you could further develop your perceptions of certain things through vocabulary. For example, in my essay, in the second paragraph, I wanted to use vocabulary pertaining to battles or wars in order to illustrate how my struggles are like battles. By the way, towards the end of your essay you should seperate "maybe" into "may" and "be" incase you are using your essays for other colleges. To contribute to the meaning of your essay some of your examples could be more symbolic, and you could hint at these symbols through the vocabulary. Overall, I think you have great ideas, and your approach is good. My suggestions are merely ways to improve your essay.</p>
<p>bump bump bump! 2012-ers need to read this!</p>