I’ve never heard of the spouse that was “put through school” offering to give the money back :).
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I agree for remarriages especially with grown children involved.
I also agree with certain marital assets like an inherited vacation home a pre nup is good.
I just don’t believe in pre nups for the day to day finances.
I don’t have any idea if my child who is getting married soon is getting a prenup. It’s up to them to decide.
It’s not even an option if they have been married for any length of time. Instead it is usually half of all assets (including earnings of the practice into the future.) Paying back the tuition money plus interest would be a bargain!
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I’m same but I think if I had see little connection between a pre-nup and having a great 100% shared relationship.
Some marriages work, some don’t. In our family most have worked out. But there have been some really strange turns in some of them. No one saw it coming. No prenups. Lots of anguish including a protract custody struggle to gain more money after a 2 year marriage. She got 1/2 his business of 30 years and she had cheated on him. Boy, I bet he wishes he had a prenup.
Some of the things on this thread, I honestly don’t get. Like working so your spouse can go to med school then having him/her leave you? What about being financially savvy up front and having them take out a loan from you at a low interest. That way if things go south you’d have a claim. Or just having a contract that if something happens they owe you all the money plus interest. No way I would work for someone else’s dream and put my own on hold. Has to be a middle road.
We’re business people and both of us have owned businesses. We set things up for liability all the time. If someone sues me, we don’t want to lose the house. So we buy insurance or set up contracts etc. You plan so you have recourse. While we don’t have contracts between us. If my husband had ever asked for documentation on a loan in my name, I would’ve said no problem. Why, because I trust him and if it makes him feel better than why not? I have no end game.
I think prenups with an end date can also work.IMO, the point is that everyone should be financially secure and also not depend on the generosity of an ex-spouse.
And I would definitely have a trust for a second marriage. I think trusts are better. than prenups. One can write them for nearly anything and they can be changed with circumstances ( as long as its revocable).
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100%
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A male family member, 30ish, married with DH/DW were both in undergrad with the plan to have him support the family during her grad school and then switch, but it sounds like he doesn’t get to go back. She has a degree and doesn’t want to stop out and they have kids, so it’s time for him to face reality.
A female family member, also in their mi 30s was married for several years, had kids, she always made more than him. Initially there were some logical reasons, it appeared, but over time it became quite clear that he had no ambitions and no clue about money, he spent every penny he got, chafed at the budget etc. When they split up (community property state) he actually fought for less than he might have been awarded, but got way more than he morally deserved. The rules designed to protect the stay at home Mom did not protect the higher earning Mom who also did 100% of kid care and 100% of running the family. Seeing that, I am more in favor of a prenup than I was when I got married & they were pretty new.
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