<p>Put this in the parent cafe if u want. I think you can get some good advice from there.
I haven't even started dating yet so I probably can't give any decent advice :)</p>
<p>Are you SURE its too late for abortion? You can get an abortion into the late second trimester. I think 6 months is the limit at Planned Parenthood. Check it out.</p>
<p>I have also never dated before, skygirl, yet I am giving advice...haha.... In Nepal, dating is not prevalent nor is pre-marital sex common. However, past few years have seen rise in the former. I am not sure about the later one.</p>
<p>yes, you can ask the parents. They are better resource person than us in this regard.</p>
<p>Us parental units have certainly been there and done that.</p>
<p>Here's my take: none of the possible courses of action are easy. None of them. They will all involve heartache and life changes.</p>
<p>Legalities of abortion aside, even moralities of abortion aside, it is not something to be taken lightly. It's a <em>big deal</em> and in the second tri especially so. </p>
<p>Adoption, she gives birth, but gets to walk away free. Sort of. Emotionally, a very hard thing to do. Even today's 'open adoptions' are not easy on the mother.</p>
<p>And getting married and raising a baby while in school? Difficult and expensive. Probably won't graduate on time. Puts major demands on a new marriage. </p>
<p>I would probably advise my daughter to choose adoption. But it wouldn't be my decision, only my advice. </p>
<p>Good luck to the OP.</p>
<p>A lot of women say, later on in life when they have kids and steady lives, that every single day they think of the child they aborted and regret it. These aren't women who are pro-choice fanatics or anything, but that's how they feel. Isn't Roe, in Roe v. Wade one of them? Not taking a political position, just reinforcing that abortion isn't a decision to make lightly.</p>
<p>Juno made adoption look so easy, but I've never heard about one so easy in real life.</p>
<p>I don't think marriage is a good idea if the two people aren't ready. The marriage could end up being a mistake, and one mistake doesn't fix another. If the two people have always thought they will eventually get married, or something like that, then maybe they should really consider it. A handful of people get married at college age and I feel secure that some of the ones I know will probably stay together for the long haul, even know I wouldn't think of marriage till I was at least in my mid-20s, even if I think the person I'm dating is who I'm going to marry and so on.</p>
<p>So yeah, no easy routes...</p>
<p>And this might not be as important as the other stuff, but I would be pretty offended if I were pregnant and my steady boyfriend wanted me to take a paternity test. Then, if the possibilities of marriage came up, I'd be less likely to agree. Of course, you probably shouldn't marry someone you think could possibly be cheating on you anyway. I'd also be a bit wary of what the guy had to say about abortion/adoption.</p>
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I would be pretty offended if I were pregnant and my steady boyfriend wanted me to take a paternity test. Then, if the possibilities of marriage came up, I'd be less likely to agree. Of course, you probably shouldn't marry someone you think could possibly be cheating on you anyway.
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<p>Girlfriends and wives cheat on their boyfriends and husbands all the time, and raise some guy's seed as their SO's. To request a paternity test isn't always an insult, it could be an acknowledgment that he isn't so arrogant to think that his relationship is so special in the grand scheme of relationships. </p>
<p>No guy marries someone they think will cheat on them, but many end up finding their wives doing so anyway. Everyone is fallible, including married women.</p>
<p>Christine, you're right by the way, Roe is now a pro-life activist. And to the OP, I would definitely suggest an open adoption.</p>
<p>Easy: Maybe in lots of cases that's true, I agree with you, but for me personally, that's really how I would feel. Also, my boyfriend probably wouldn't think it through and think about how I'd feel or tactfully ask me about a paternity test, so just warning the OP about that one.</p>
<p>an abortion at the end of second trimester??!! you can feel the baby moving around by then. frightening.</p>
<p>The paternity test thing would be insulting as hell to a woman that never cheated and I understand that. But it's a necessary evil considering that no matter how much you think that you know a person, you really only know what they choose to show you.</p>
<p>Christine - The problem 95%+ of people have is they always wonder "what if..." and waste their time thinking the other choice was better. That's why you have very successful female professionals (without children) often telling young women that a family is more important, while many housewives feel their careers were derailed by a family and suggest focusing on jobs first. The same applies to abortion, or any number of significant life decisions.</p>
<p>I would always want a paternity test, tactfully asked for of course. A day or two of feeling insulted is better than decades raising a child that's not your own. And yes, to an earlier poster, the number of fathers supporting children that unknowingly aren't theirs is over 10%. Scary number if you think about it, which is why I'd never commit to anything without being sure.</p>
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Easy: Maybe in lots of cases that's true, I agree with you, but for me personally, that's really how I would feel. Also, my boyfriend probably wouldn't think it through and think about how I'd feel or tactfully ask me about a paternity test, so just warning the OP about that one.
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<p>What would be the most tactful way to ask for a paternity test? I just thought that you just have to bite the bullet. I mean, no matter how tactful you are, a lot of girls would still be ****ed to be asked that.</p>
<p>Collectiv- where'd you get that 10% figure?</p>
<p>I read it in an article somewhere, I believe around 2 months ago.</p>
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Also, my boyfriend probably wouldn't think it through and think about how I'd feel or tactfully ask me about a paternity test, so just warning the OP about that one.
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<p>No offense, but to put it bluntly, no guy is going to give a rat's *** how you feel in that situation. And they shouldn't have to either.</p>
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Collectiv- where'd you get that 10% figure?
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<p>A lot of literature from evolutionary psychology and other disciplines cite 10%+. </p>
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No offense, but to put it bluntly, no guy is going to give a rat's *** how you feel in that situation. And they shouldn't have to either.
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<p>Well, they'll give a rat's ass, but it's a relatively small cost to incur to avoid having to raise some other dude's kid because you erroneously trusted your cheating whore girlfriend.</p>
<p>Girlfriends and wives cheat on their boyfriends and husbands all the time, and raise some guy's seed as their SO's. To request a paternity test isn't always an insult, it could be an acknowledgment that he isn't so arrogant to think that his relationship is so special in the grand scheme of relationships. </p>
<p>No guy marries someone they think will cheat on them, but many end up finding their wives doing so anyway. Everyone is fallible, including married women."</p>
<p>So what if a dad raised, and loved, a child that wasn't his and then found out when the kid is five that he isn't the dad? Would this father just stop loving the kid and leave? Probably. I am against paternity tests. Once you have sex with someone, you consent to the possible resulting baby. Isn't this the philosophy of pro-lifies?</p>
<p>I wouldn't wait to 5, but I guess it would differ from person to person. And when you have sex you only really -consent- to the consequences of your own actions. My gf/wife getting impregnated by another man has nothing to do with me.</p>
<p>And your point makes no sense anyway. If a woman is having sex with more than 1 man, you're telling me that all of them are responsible for the kid, since they're all having sex with her and are all "consenting to the possible resulting baby"? The only one accountable is the father. You're just removing all responsibility from both the woman and the guy that she's cheating with.</p>
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So what if a dad raised, and loved, a child that wasn't his and then found out when the kid is five that he isn't the dad? Would this father just stop loving the kid and leave? Probably.
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<p>It's the husband's decision. If he leaves, then the kids whore mother can go track down the kid's biological father to help raise the kid and whatnot. It's their (the mother's and the biological father's) reproductive potential at stake, not the cuckholded husband's. </p>
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I am against paternity tests. Once you have sex with someone, you consent to the possible resulting baby
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<p>But the baby is not the result of you having sex with a girl... it's the result of her spreading her legs to some other guy.</p>