If the whole thing went down as you described it, you can almost certainly be sure that others in similar situations at your kid’s school would not have faced any discipline whatsoever. As it turns out, your kid had no friends in the administration at that school. Snitchy McSnitchface’s snitching did not need to be acted upon by the school. For one, they didn’t really have to believe Sr. Weasel, and certainly they were under no obligation to go nuts all over your kid’s head the way they did. But they did. Arbitrary enforcement is one of the biggest dangers in a boarding school environment, and whether anyone wants to believe it, all enforcement is arbitrary because not everyone at every school is at TV’s-own-Stannis-Baratheon levels of insane fanaticism for every single rule every single time for every single kid.
What you should have expected from your kid’s school was a search of the room because of a report of drugs. If it was clean, then the school should never have even asked him any more about it. Report, check, nothing found. Done. If your kid was Mr. Good Kid up until then and didn’t have the demon weed in his room, he should have been given a pass. Without knowing any details, I will say with 100% certainty that similar scenarios have had wildly different outcomes at your kid’s school for other students. That’s the case everywhere. You believed your son was the sort of student for whom the school would be protective if at all possible. You were wrong.
When faced with the possibility of major non-academic discipline, good advice is to tell your kids never to admit to anything major until they talk to you. If you and/or your kid have any friends at the school, get them up to speed and on your side ASAPy-like. Pull hard if you have any pull. (Of course, if you have real stick, then this never would be happening to your kid.) Read that rule book. Make sure the school is following their own rules. If a drug test is allowed by school rules, delay it as long as possible. Realize right then that the school is the adversary in this situation if you didn’t see it before. Your kid is not important to them and never really was. If you have the means, get a lawyer on it.
Boarding schools have lots of rules, and one of their functions is to be weaponized when needed to protect the school first and foremost. That’s racing.
Plagiarism and cheating are different animals all together. Expect no quarter, though of course cheating and plagiarism are as subject to arbitrary enforcement as much as any other infraction.
Penalties can be more severe for boarding students misbehaving during term time, because they are officially under the school’s care, even when off campus. Day students, in contrast, are officially subject to their parents’ authority after school hours off campus.
@Gnarwhail, lying is grounds for expulsion. Read the school rules. If asked, not telling the truth is grounds for expulsion. As another student had already been questioned, of course, unless both students tell the same truth, there is the danger of expulsion.
And I will add, read your own school’s rules very carefully. In some schools, it is sufficient to leave the area if other students start using drugs and alcohol. At others, there is a duty to report the students.
If your child suspects his/her roommate of using or dealing drugs, you and they cannot turn a blind eye to the goings on. It is wise to speak up to the child’s advisor, and make sure you have a written trail, of your objections.
Keep in mind that tuition insurance will usually not pay if a student is expelled due to disciplinary infractions.
In general, schools give no quarter to students caught supplying substances to other studhttp://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/1985170/prep-school-disciplinary-policy-re-alerting-colleges/#ents. This is often a trap day students will fall into, as friends may try to pressure them into dealing. If your child is a day student, talk seriously with them about the consequences.
Some schools also will have a sanctuary policy whereby another student, faculty member (or I believe even the student themselves) will be turned in “for their own good” as a way of getting help for said student. Sometimes, if a student knows he himself will be getting in trouble or another student knows (say they got word that Johnny was busted and they might be implicated), that student will arrange to have someone invoke the sanctuary policy and report them. Consequences still prevail - probation, testing for x period of time, counseling etc. but it doesn’t become a disciplinary action requiring going before the disciplinary council nor does it require reporting to college.
It’s designed to get a student help for medical/wellness reasons. But, it can be used as an escape hatch sometimes to avoid disciplinary action. I’ve known RAs who use it to protect students who have a high likelihood of getting in more serious trouble.
Of course, policies vary from school to school, but another reason to know the school’s handbook.
Personally, I wouldn’t send my kid to either a one strike school or a school without some kind of sanctuary policy.
@Periwinkle If the whole thing went down as it was described, the school had it in for the OP’s kid–or at least had no regard for him whatsoever. I specifically said that a kid should talk to parents before admitting anything in order to avoid lying. Some kids are better at stalling and prevaricating than others, but cracking right away and admitting everything before you might have to is never a good move, as this kid’s experience proves. Who are you gonna believe, the bad kid or Mr. Good Guy? But it should never have come to that. The school did its thing and searched the room. If it was clean, that should have been the end of it. Without having first-hand knowledge of this school (probably) or this case (very likely), I will say that students faced with similar scenarios have gotten off with no discipline at all if their rooms did not contain the evil substance in question because it happens all the time (not really) but regularly enough to establish a pattern. Some people get away with stuff and some don’t. That’s not cool for the ones that don’t.
It’s a tough situation, but it sounds like it was a perfect storm of unfortunate behavior on the part of the kid and the school.
And I will state unequivocally that if the entirety of the situation was as described by the OP, then the school was wrong in the way they handled this.
Frankly, if the kid in question was as described by the OP and no drugs were found in the room, the family should have expected (someone at) the school to make this go away for the kid. The simplest way would have been to ask the kid if they had drugs in their dorm room supplied by Snitchy McSnitchface. If the (truth) answer was no and none were found, that should have been the end of it. Nobody would have needed to lie and the message would have been sent.
Nobody wants to find out in the worst way possible that they are not of the elect, but inherently conservative elite institutions have their flaws, too.
Sanctuary usually, though, serves to put the student on a list of students who need to be watched more closely for drug and alcohol use. They may be subject to drug tests. They usually need to take part in some sort of counseling. It isn’t a “get out of jail free” card, more a notice that there is potentially a significant mental health issue.
I agree with doschicos that I wouldn’t send a child to a one strike school. I believe one strike policies serve to drive substance use underground. It still happens, but then fellow students are paralyzed, afraid of alerting adults to dangerous behavior because they don’t want to get someone else “in trouble.”
@GnarWhail, I apologize for being cynical, but there isn’t any proof that this is a “first offense.” The drug test would have shown pot use. The charge wasn’t possession of pot, it was use of pot.
And I do object to your describing the first student caught as Snitchy McSnitchface. That other student was also facing severe disciplinary consequences.
Yes, periwinkle, that is true as I stated. But when your choice is between being DC’ed and sanctuaries, many folks will pull the ripcord on the sanctuary and its required testing, counseling, and observations. The lesser of two evils, I guess.
@Periwinkle Yes…but…if the situation was as described by the OP…if…the kid was the best sort of kid and never in big trouble…if…then…Snitchy McSnitchface…busted “for other infractions”…if…then…snitched on the kid for no reason except that he or she was a Snitchy McSnitchface.
It might all be nonsense. Or a bored troll. Or something else. All we have is what was presented. If the entirety of the situation was as presented…
As always, consider the source and the posting history.
@GnarWhail, I don’t know how you can claim that. It might be true at some schools (all schools have different disciplinary procedures) but I’ve seen the kids of trustees who also happened to be major donors suspended for similar infractions at more than one school.
@psparent,
Sorry this has happened. Your son did something dumb and now is paying the price. Luckily his “dumb thing” didn’t result in him or someone with him getting hurt so you can all chalk it up to the immature teen brain and move on from here. I’d be willing to bet he’s learned his lesson.
As for the college results, although you may be disappointed, please remember that it’s not the college a kid goes to that matters but the kids who goes to college. He’ll have plenty of opportunities to prove himself and many kids who end up at schools not originally high on their lists flourish there.
@Sue22 How can I claim that? The exact same way that you can make a claim.
And the point is not that one school handles things differently than another school. All schools depend on their staff for enforcement, and some staff at every school will be super-lenient and others will be insane sticklers. When you’re a kid at any school, it is often a coin-toss which one you run into when make your mistake.
From what I’ve seen, if a high-ranking trustee, enthusiastic donor, current principal or whoever has their kid face discipline, it is always with the expressed written consent of the family and the NFL. Every single one of these schools knows who is really in charge. And some of those wealthy powerful parents have no problem sending their idiot spawn such a message if they think it will help.
As always, consider the source and the posting history.
OP’s DS tested positive and was suspended for breaking a school rule. Some may think the punishment was harsh but he was attending a school where he agreed to abide by these rules. Regardless of how the school found out, the kid broke the rules.
Thanks everyone! This is all helpful. As I say, I’m sharing primarily as a cautionary tale, and also a vent. I believe the school followed its policies by the book (not to say that it hasn’t stepped more lightly for other students). As a parent, I never thought my son would do something so stupid. The consequence that really threw us was losing his RA status. It makes perfect sense - RAs are supposed to be community leaders - but it really changed his extra curricular activities profile.
He has taken complete responsibility for what he did and is happy with the college he is going to. It was a tough lesson to learn, but a good time to learn it. My son’s only complaint is that the deans at the school seem to really encourage a “snitch” culture; every student caught doing something is pressured to name other students. For his part, I do not believe he smoked alone but he insisted and insists that he did. If he declined to name other kids to protect them, I frankly applaud that.
In terms of how he responded when questioned by the deans - lying to a dean is an expelling offense. He fessed up as soon as a dean came to his room and asked if he’d procured pot. I don’t think he could possibly have had the presence of mind to try to delay or avoid the drug test. If he’d called us, we’d have told him to take the drug test.
A few really good insights in the above comments:
Boarding school for 18 year olds feels like prison. My son’s first two years were a fabulous adventure, but at this point, the check ins, study halls, and the deans watching every move is pretty claustrophobic. Many of the rules that make sense for 15 year olds are not realistic for most 18 year olds. The school has actually started to explore some of those issues.
At this and most schools, prohibitions on alcohol and drugs include time away from campus, including breaks and weekends. Many kids been disciplined for activities that happened on breaks. I don’t think that is unusual, but it is an issue/risk associated with boarding school. My issue is that the consequences of the punishment spill into the college application realm.
I appreciate the incredibly tough job the deans have dealing with hundreds of teens, and their need to maintain order. At this school, many students think the deans have become somewhat extreme at trying to seek out and punish every infraction. But I loved the comment above about boarding school kids learning to become great liars and live a double life; I definitely get a sense of that with my son’s school.
Is there a contract out there that requires a kid submit to a drug test at the whim and whimsy of the school? I haven’t seen that. I agree with @GnarWhail - the school went overboard here. Every kids first response when something bad like this goes down should be to ask to speak with his or her parents before being questioned further.
Most certainly each school has a contract and parents and students are required to sign a statement that they have read and abide by that year’s handbook which they are provided. Boarding Schools have good legal counsel.
@Korab1 Are you a current or prospective parent? Make sure you read what you are signing.
The deans need some basis for a search or drug test but the threshold is VERY low. It is not spelled out in the parent manual. Also, many schools breathalyze before dances (also at breakfast after prom!)