Bad Experience for a Freshman...

I’m a parent of a rising sophomore who attends a New England Boarding School. She couldn’t be happier and as a matter of fact she is school sick now that she is home. Today I receive a text from a mom that I met during the whole boarding school process who had a son who was also applying and got into a small boarding school (not sure if I can or should mention the name). I called her and she told me what a horror her sons first year was. His grades were poor and she didn’t understand why because he was an excellent student in private school in our area. When she pressed him for a reason, he broke down and told her that he was hit by another student and made to do his homework so he didn’t have time to study. I talked to this young man on many occasions and he had a wonderful personality, great manners and just a pleasure. Well he came home and doesn’t want to go back. Turns out that he was intimidated into doing homework for other students (he is on the small side). His advisor left and he was not assigned another so he didn’t feel that he had anyone to talk to. He has also come into contact with some parasites (maybe bedbugs) which the school didn’t do anything about. When he came home on a break his mother saw all the bumps and itching thinking that he had an allergy. The Dr. gave him medication and he cleared up when he was at home but when he went back it began again and he came home with his entire body covered in bumps and itching. My daughter experienced the ‘mean girls’ when she was in middle school but I actually thought that guys were different. Anyone had any experiences like this? My heart hurts for them. The parents because she trusted them with her kid and he had such a bad experience and the son because he is going to be terrified to go back to this school or any other boarding school.

“His advisor left and he was not assigned another so he didn’t feel that he had anyone to talk to”

The whole story is sad and bad but this ^ is totally unacceptable and would make me question the way the school is run.

I agree, They are looking for another school. Sad thing also is that he was accepted at many of the higher ranking blue ribbon schools at home but turned them down to attend boarding school. I know because my daughter was accepted to some of the same schools. May be difficult now after M10 especially needing some aid.

Suggest he redo his freshman year at some other school next year. I don’t think he’d have to use the grades from the boarding school for his college apps if he repeats the grade.

Regardless of what they do next year, they need to talk to the current scool and report what happened. Your friend’s son has a terrible transcript and damaged self confidence, and the school played a big part in that. They may have a way to address it that this poor child can’t see (not allowing the tormentor to return? ) which could change his mind but more importantly, will allow him to speak out in his own defense. I would be worried about him being bullied again if he can’t claim some power out of this.

Even schools that are super caring often find they have a bad apple in their midst - what’s important is that they get a chance to deal with it.

The advisor situation sounds bad indeed. I would want to know how long he was without an advisor. That should never happen!

@gardenstategal, I agree on all points. They worked with a consultant who after hearing the issues went to the school. I’m not sure what came out of that. The parents met with the consultant today and they are either trying to work out a plan with the school or perhaps find a new school.

Good!! Hopefully, bringing the situation out into the light will help everyone involved. I bet the bully victimized others. Glad they have the courage and energy to do this.

It sounds like more than 1 bully? And pretty intense bullying. The culture was such that other bystanders didn’t stand up for this boy and adults were clearly not attentive enough either.

Where was the prefect in all of this? Jeez.

@chemmchimney, Yes I do believe it was more than one bully. Once one kid got him to do their homework and bragged about it others probably jumped on the bandwagon. @ThacherParent, this is a pretty mild mannered quiet kid who did not tell until his mother threatened to come to find out what was going on with his grades. He was probably threatened. As parents, we can not just run around the corner to the school and be there in a few minutes when our kids are boarding so you really want to know that someone is paying attention.

Is this the first the parents have spoken to the school about all this? It sounds like a nightmare. Where were the dorm parents? There are so many adults in BS that my kid could go to even if her advisor wasn’t around (not to excuse not being assigned a new advisor). Even if my kid agreed to go back I’m not sure I’d let them to return to this school.

@Momof7thgrader, I agree with you. I would like to know what kind of discipline was given to the perpetrators. I actually think this kid was afraid, had been threatened and didn’t tell anyone so they didn’t actually find out until mom saw his grades (usually an A student) and stated that if he won’t tell her what is going on then she will be driving there to find out. Also, i think being a boy he felt ashamed, didn’t want to worry his parents. My daughter saw him at a meeting last week and said he looked sad so she gave him a hug without letting him know that she knew.

Wow…glad he is a freshman as he will have time to recover. I think he should go to a different school. Best of luck to him. <3

I can not give any advice but my heart aches for that kid, hope things turn out better in next school, good luck

I am right there with you @infinityprep1234! So awful.

Update: Well apparently the consultant’s trip to this school made a difference. Not sure what she said during her meeting (perhaps stating that she will not consider this school for future clients). The bully was expelled and the young man went back 2 weeks ago. Hoping that the others who idolized this bully will take note. Also, the staff will take note that they should do a better job at monitoring.

I hope this young man has a much more positive experience this year!

He’s going into it with a positive attitude, so I hope so also.

@Sarrip, Glad to hear that. Bully is a situation where parents need to be involved all the way.